Last night was brutal. I mean, I left one of my favorite movies early to watch the last two innings, all for naught. But I’m keeping my head up. Last week, I said we had to take 2 of 3 from the Marlins and then beat the Astros. Ok, so we just swapped and came out of it 3-1. No sweat. We just need to go 4-2 the rest of the way to tie the Dodgers, 5-1 to win outright. The Nationals are terrible. Just intentionally walk Soriano every time, and we should be fine. I’d love to sweep, but I’ll take two. The Dodgers go to Colorado to face the Rockies, then to San Fran for the Giants. We are a much better road team than the Dodgers. We are seven over .500 on the road, they are nine under. I’m now going to enter the zen-like zone I entered during the RPS tourney and try to transfer my powers to the Phils to help propel us to the promised land. You’re welcome.

Ok, so this is unbelievable. There is a 110 year old man living in St. Petersburg who used to play Negro League baseball. And the coolest part (well, for me, anyway)? He grew up on 17th and Bainbridge, two blocks from my house! He played for a team called the Germantown Blue Ribbons, and though his memory of those past teams is a little hazy (those 110 year olds can’t seem to remember anything these days), he remembers having a good curveball and a good fastball. To put in perspective how old he is: Simmons, known as Si, was born on Oct. 14, 1895 — the same year as Babe Ruth and Rudolph Valentino, and before F. Scott Fitzgerald and Amelia Earhart. Thanks to James for sending this in. If you see any crazy news stories that would be fun for the site, please send them to me.

Just so we’re all on the same page here, here is the Phillies schedule for the remainder of the season. The next four are home, followed by six on the road. We actually have a much better road record than home record, so six straight on the road isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If we go 8-2, we’re in the playoffs. 7-3 should put us either in the playoffs or in a one game playoff against the Dodgers or Padres. We play Florida three times at home (and don’t have to face Dontrelle Willis!), then have a makeup game with Houston at home, where we will have to take on Clemens. Then we have three in Washington against the woeful Senators. And then, finally, three in Florida. The Marlins have kicked our ass in September to knock us out of the playoffs a couple of times, so I’m a little nervous. My goal is 7-3, which means 2-1 against the Fish, beat the Astros, 2-1 against the Senators and 2-1 against the Marlins. If we can’t do that, we don’t deserve to be in the playoffs.

Learned this from Herm last night at the Vous. Why do the A’s have a white elephant as their mascot? This from their media guide: In 1901 Connie Mack and his Philadelphia Athletics helped form the American League. The following year, New York Giants Manager John McGraw dismissed the A’s with contempt, calling them “The White Elephants,” implying Mack shouldn’t be allowed to spend money without supervision. Mack defiantly adopted the White Elephant as the team insignia, and in 1902, the A’s won the American League pennant.

Hey gang, I was able to get my hands on some video of the Eagles fourth quarter performance last night.

It was the first Eagles game I had ever seen at the Linc, and boy was I excited. The pageantry, the ability to see things that you couldn’t see on TV, the intensity of the fans. On top of that, after the 3rd quarter, I turned to someone and said, “Man, we look like the ’88 Forty Niners out there!” After three quarters, you would not have found a person wearing Eagle green who was not 100% convinced that we were going to the Super Bowl. Then, the meltdown. First, a strange forward fumble led to a touchdown. No big deal. Still a 10 point lead. Then, a Westbrook fumble. Another touchdown. It was as if God were testing a new vacuum, and had decided to see if he could suck the life out of 70,000 people at once. By the time Trent Cole kicked a guy, giving the Giants an easy field goal, it felt like we were at a funeral for a head of state. 70,000 people in a mournful silence. Overtime was nothing but a formality, and the zombies began filing out, muttering things about Andy Reid being fired and that this was worse than the Niner game. (The Eagles gave up 227 yards passing in the 4th quarter to Joe Montana in 1989 as the Niners came back to win.) It was worse than the Niner game. That was gainst Joe Freaking Montana. This was against Eli Manning. And hey, say what you will about the Oilers vs. the Bills in that playoff game. At least that meltdown happened on the road. This was a pathetic performance, and this team isn’t going to the Super Bowl. After exhibiting that they have no heart, no discipline, and no character, they’ll be lucky to make the playoffs.

The Phils moved to within half a game of the Padres last night with a convincing win over the Nationals. The Reds have lost five straight and are tied with us at a half game back. Keep in mind, all three of these teams (including us) would be about 20 to 30 games under .500 if we played in the American League. These are all really bad teams. But that doesn’t matter, and shouldn’t stop us from cheering the Phils to go to the playoffs, where anything could happen (at least until the Series, where we would get swept by any team we played.) Of course, if we defeat the Padres by a game in the wild card race, I will be expecting a letter of thanks from the team, since I single-handedly costed the Padres a game in July.

And congrats to Ryan Howard, who tied Schmidt’s team home run record last night. It’s too bad steroids made the MLB home run record, once the most cherished record in sports, absolutely meaningless. Otherwise, we in Philly would be getting excited about the small but possible chance of Howard gunning for 61. God, I hope Bonds gets hit by a bus before he breaks Aaron’s career record. I really do.
Related: When will Philly fans chase away Utley and Howard?

Tee-hee-hee-hee. Ha…Ha..HaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (gasping for air) HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Rolling back in chair, then falling backwards to the ground, but not caring.) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (Rolling around floor, holding sides, happier than I think I’ve ever been.)