I am so sick of all the hand-wringing going on over the 100-0 girls basketball game last weekend. I really am. About how the coach of the winning team was a monster and the girls who lost were the “real winners”. It’s really got me pissed off. A few thoughts about it:

• The coach of the winning team (Covenant) is not an evil monster. The AP story reads: A parent who attended the game said Covenant continued to make 3-pointers — even in the fourth quarter. The coach would have been a monster if he had instructed his girls to miss three pointers in the 4th quarter. That would have made a mockery of the game and sport. What was the coach supposed to do? Tell his players to miss shots on purpose? Hand the ball to the other team and let them shoot? If I am coaching a game and my team gets way out ahead, I pull out my best players and have my team play zone defense. But I’m not going to tell the kids that are in there to not play hard. That would be much more humiliating to the losing team than losing 100-0.
• The girls who lost are not the “real winners”. They are real losers. They lost 100-0. That is disgraceful. I blame their coach more for not making them competitive than I blame the other coach for running up the score. But what is most disgraceful is how the media has handled it. All the stories are about how the team that lost (Dallas Academy) is made up of girls with dyslexia and short attention spans. Who gives a s***? Does that really make this worse? They aren’t blind and deaf. Hell, I’ve got a short attention span. It has never affected my abilities on a basketball court.
• The Covenant team had a goal and they accomplished it. 100 points in a game was their goal. They achieved it. Good for them.
• I have been in a game as bad as this. I was on a Little League baseball team that gave up 39 runs…in the first inning! The game was called of darkness after one inning, with them leading 39-1. I never considered their coach to be a jerk. I would have if he had ordered his players to bunt and then walk down to first base.
• Apologize for winning? Covenant School issued an apology after the game. An apology for winning! What does this say about our society? That our winners have to apologize to our losers? “I’m sorry that I’m better than you.” Should Obama apologize to McCain for beating him so badly? Should he have let up on his campaigning in North Carolina and Virginia, just to make the score closer? Should the Eagles apologize for beating the Cowboys 44-6 in the last game of the regular season?
• The team that lost is called Dallas Academy. I am OK with any team that goes by the name Dallas losing by a lot of points.
• I am Bobby Badtimes. Beware my Wrath!

Hey morons. Happy Freakin’ New Year. Hope you didn’t spend your New Year acting like a steakhead in an effort to show off to 21 year old girls. Because that would be pathetic, especially for a person in their 30s. But enough holiday greetings. Let’s get down to business. First of all, sorry it’s been so long. Truth is, I been upstate. Yeah, a year or so ago I punched some dyke cop in the mouth for getting lippy with me. Note to Alycia: do not eat the macaroni in the pen. Just trust me on that one, sweetheart. Alright, here goes:

There are some people for whom simply driving a Ford F-150 King cab truck or a Hummer aren’t quite enough to show off how much of an idiot toolbag moron they are. Nope, these people need to hang rubber testicles from the truck to ensure that a) everyone knows that they are very manly and b) to ensure that they never have a date with a woman with more than 3 teeth. Well, a lawmaker in Virginia has had enough to balls to call for an end to this idiocy. In all honesty, if they gave the electric chair to every person who had a pair of these of these on their truck, I would be all in favor of it.

You know how Hillary’s shrieking about how she has tons of experience, and how Obama has almost none? Which would be a great selling point, except for the fact that she has almost no experience. But she does have a Flowbee, and it’s working wonders with her hair.

Unlike Goodtimes, I have always loved Columbus Day. See, I am a big fan of slave trading mass murderers. I am also a big fan of syphilis. And I hate Europe. So needless to say, I was extremely pleased when this story came out.

Am I the only one who would love to see Pacman Jones and Britney Spears start dating?

Leave Tony Romo alone! How dare any of you out there to make fun of Tony after all he’s been through! He lost the snap in Seattle, he choked against the Giants, he lost Carrie Underwood. He’s a human! He’s my quarterback! But all you people care about is yourselves. LEAVE HIM ALONE! You’re lucky he even played for you BASTARDS! LEAVE TONY ALONE! Pleeeease. That’s my teammate! That’s my quarterback.

Hey Tom Cruise. Thank you for saving my life following that car crash. As I laid there, on the verge of death, I thought to myself, “If only Tom Cruise were here, he’s the only one who can save me.” I wish that Onstar would stop dialing 911 when you get in a crash and just start dialing Tom Cruise. Then we’d never lose anyone in a crash.

My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware my Wrath!