Those of you who were at the awesome Quizzo Bowl IV remember the performance of the Legendary WID. It was loved by a third of the audience, hated by a third of it, and a third of the people couldn’t hear it. Well tonight is your chance to see what the greatest prop comic ever can do in an intimate setting. I’ve got to be honest, this is as excited as I’ve ever been for one of our shows. If you love prop comedy, or hate it, you’re gonna have fun if you can make it tonight. Action starts at 8 p.m. at the Shubin (4th and Bainbridge). Chip’s show is establishing itself as one of the best in the city. If you’re free tonight, please come by and check it out. Tix are a mere $5.

Dunno if you’ve seen those Liberator New Catheter ads on TV, but they are pretty priceless.

Some comedy friends and I decided to respond to those ads with our own advert, this one extolling the virtues of used catheters and blasting our competitors who only offer new catheters. Enjoy!

You all may remember a few months ago when Denver “comedian” Adam Cayton-Holland ripped Philly a new one. Needless to say, I had to answer back with a vicious attack of my own. But getting married cuts into one’s battle rap time, so it took me a little while to respond. It was well worth the wait. I rip Denver and the other cities participating a new one, as well as Cayton-Holland and our good friends John Dicker and the Slump Busters, who travelled to Philly last year for Quizzo Bowl. Since I know no-one in Philly really knows anything about Albuquerque and Colorado Springs, so here’s a little background:

• Albuquerque has a big hot air balloon event every year. They also have a major meth problem, as is reflected in the show Breaking Bad.
• The video of the car crash in Colorado Springs is amazing. Basically, the people there are so dumb that even though they saw 15 cars crashed on the side of the road, they kept trying to drive up this one hill covered with ice and inevitably crashing. As for the lights comment, the city is so broke they have to cut off their street lights at night.

So 4 members of Sofa Kingdom, myself, and my buddy Carl are headed out to Denver to regulate at Geek Bowl V at the end of the month. We will represent the birthplace of quizzo proudly. Last year we finished 4th. That wasn’t good enough. This year we plan on finishing First.

Needless to say, the rap is so badass that Denverites have either responded weakly or not at all. While their local alternative weekly lamely tries to rip me, on the Geeks Who Drink website only two people have dared challenge my verbal artistry. So it looks like we are not only going to win Geek Bowl, we are going to rip out Denver’s souls while doing so.

Welcome to My Basement, Episode 2 from Johnny Goodtimes on Vimeo.

A couple of weeks ago, we spoke with Timaree about sex in my basement. This week we talk with Sarah Baicker of Comcast Sportsnet about being a woman in a men’s locker room, about who on the Flyers she likes interviewing, and which Phillie would be the best quizzo player. Enjoy!

Earlier today, managing director Richard Negrin decided he should change the name of “German Christmas Village” because a few people complained. In an effort to make the village more palatable to all comers, he decided to change the name to International Non-Denominational Unicorn Freedom Rainbow Village.

“I think we can all agree that there are very few things that people love more than unicorns, freedom, and rainbows,” said Negrin. “Therefore, in an effort to make 100% of the people happy 100% of the time, we have changed the name to that.” He said that he also considered adding the word “Cuddly” to the name, but thought it might offend large, hairy people. Most people visiting the village were ecstatic about the name change.

“I decided to bring my non-denominational friend whose ancestors are from an undisclosed nation to Christmas Village,” said Sally McJackson, “And I was expecting her to be humiliated by that outrageous and filthy word ‘Christmas’ being thrown in her face. So you can imagine how pleased I was when I saw they had changed the name. And she felt right at home. She loves rainbows.” Added McJackson, “Although I do wish they had made it a double rainbow“.

Not everyone was pleased. “I like the idea, but I’m worried about people thinking that unicorns aren’t dangerous by glorifying them in this manner,” said Corie Collar. “If they do indeed exist, one has to think that those horns are a safety hazard.”

When told of Collar’s complaint, Negin sprang into action. “He’s right! Someone could get hurt! Let’s get rid of the unicorns!”

They’ll also be getting rid of the Christmas tree at the Village and replacing it with a “Multi-cultural Majestic Happiness Bush.” When told that the word “happiness” might offend those with symptoms of depression, Negrin said that the word would be removed from the bush.

I have a book called 255 Party Games to Play that was written in 1934. A very fun book of old parlour games. One that has particularly caught my interest is one called Snap-Dragon. Has anyone ever heard of this? Here is the description:

Snap Dragon is at least a century old-it was played way back in Merrie England, yet it has zip enough in it to satisfy the most hilarious of our much touted “younger set”.

Essentially a Halloween game, it can be used for any kind of a party. You need only a large pan, some alcohol, and a package of raisins. Pour the alcohol in the pan and light it with a match. Then throw the raisins into the burning liquid-and let the adventurous ones snatch out raisins as best they can.

That’s right folks, a book that encourages young children to stick their hands into fire. Man, I bet the 1930s were awesome. Ok, so it gets better. According to wikipedia, there was a snap-dragon song!

Here he comes with flaming bowl,

Don’t he mean to take his toll,

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

Take care you don’t take too much,

Be not greedy in your clutch,

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

With his blue and lapping tongue

Many of you will be stung,

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

For he snaps at all that comes

Snatching at his feast of plums,

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

But Old Christmas makes him come,

Though he looks so fee! fa! fum!

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

Don’t ‘ee fear him but be bold —

Out he goes his flames are cold,

Snip! Snap! Dragon!

The word magical comes to mind. I got off the subway on Sunday after the Phils loss, and was greeted by this. Needless to say, it cheered me up considerably. There are a number of things to note in this video. First of all, the guy dancing subtly in the background is what really makes this number pop. Secondly, I am quite confident this was not a prepared routine. I think the singer thought he would go out, sing a few Motown numbers, and make a few bucks. I don’t think he envisioned this…brilliant madness that followed. Furthermore, if anyone choreographed this, they would be considered a genius. And don’t think they just did a quick number and moved on. Oh no, they were dancing like this when I arrived, and still dancing like this when I left after about 20 minutes, with no indication of slowing down. Third, beyond all the insanity of the whole thing, I want to acknowledge something else: isn’t music just awesome? I mean, there is no question that these three men probably don’t have a lot in common, but damn if the Four Tops don’t make them all want to move. Fourth, I think if your friends ever ask you what Philadelphia is like, this video should answer all of their questions. Crazy, black, white, beautiful, soulful, hilarious, sad, sublime, and insane. And finally, a quick note to my mom: sorry you missed this. I know you would have loved to have been the 4th dancer.

The Chip Chantry One Man Show resumes tonight at the Khyber with the very unusual Amir Gollan, the very funny Darryl Charles, and sketch group Secret Pants. We are also inviting comedians to take part in our Minuteman competition: Anyone who wants to is given one minute to perform on stage. Whoever is funniest for one minute wins $25. Should be a hoot. It’s the one year anniversary of the CHip Chantry One Man SHow with special guests, and it’s always a hoot. Hope you can make it.