-A woman in Maryland claims that her dog saved her by performing the heimlich. NBC10 actually covered this liars bulls***. Hey NBC10, last night my cat Malia (above left) jumped in front of a bullet that was headed for my heart and caught it in her mouth. Then she put the shooter in the figure four leglock until the police arrived. You should do a story on that! Also, I like how there is a link at the bottom of this story that says, “How to Perform Heimlich Maneuver.” Which is silly, because most dogs can’t even read English.

-Hopefully Ann Coulter decides to take a summer jaunt to Surf CIty, NJ, this summer AND EXPLODES.

-My main man Denny Blaze (The Average Homeboy) finished 3rd on VH1’s Top 40 Greatest Internet Superstars!

–Was Eddie Griffin’s car crash a publicity stunt?

The cover story in the this months Philly Mag is about Ryan Howard, which isn’t really journalism but hero worship. But the story that really stuck in my craw is one about two high school basketball players. Decent enough story, but it ends with a couple of the lamest sentences I have ever read:
“It’s a happy story, Scoop and Rick’s. And such a Philly story. It’s just like Rocky, where the good guys win in the end.” (The italics are the magazine’s, not mine).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! OK, this so bad I don’t know where to begin. A) the schmaltzy “such a Philly story” line is almost unbearable to read B) Can we get through ONE F****** Issue without referencing Rocky? He was a fine reference in 1977, but it’s now 2007, and we’re over it. You don’t hear our friends out in western PA saying, “It’s just like in The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, where the good guys win in the end.” C) If you are going to reference Rocky, uh, I suggest watching Rocky. He doesn’t win in the end! Apollo Creed wins in the end.

If there is a single reference to freaking Rocky in next month’s issue, I will cancel my subscription. That’s right, Philly Mag, $12 a year-POOF-gone just like that. No more freaking Rocky! Please! We are over it!!!

Alright, Wrestlemania is coming this sunday. So in honor of that I’m gonna be posting a bunch of old school rasslin’ stuff all week. Let’s start today with two legends of the sport. Here’s a good short video about The American Dream Dusty Rhodes and my idol, the Nature Boy Ric Flair, the greatest wrestler ever, and the showman I have always aspired to be. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Ric Flair autobiography that came out a couple of years ago is the best book in the English language since “The Great Gatsby”. You can love it, or you can hate, but learn to love it, ’cause it’s the best thing goin’. Woooooooooo!
FLAIR IN THE NEWS: Florida coach gets Ric Flair to pump up Gators before Butler game.
RELATED: More info on Flair.

Y’all remember Average Homeboy Denny Blaze, right (above, with JGT)? The rap superstar I went all the way to Cleveland to score a totally sweet interview with? Well, he’s gonna be on VH-1 Tonight as part of their show, “Top 40 Greatest Internet Super Stars”. Show starts at 8 p.m.

College B-ball isn’t the only thing going on at Barrister’s this weekend. The Man in Black, the best Johnny Cash Tribute band ever, is playing on 1823 Sansom Street Saturday night, and tix are only $3. Final 8 hoops and Johnny Cash? That sounds like a damn good night.

Happy B-Days to a couple of Philadelphia sports legends, Ron Jaworski and Moses Malone. Also celebrating a birthday today is Prince Felix Yussupov, the man who killed Rasputin. As some of you may know, I am a huge Rasputin fan, and not just because he had an enormous wang. I highly suggest the book, “The Man Who Killed Rasputin.” Quick quiz question: What do Moses Malone and Doug Flutie have in common? (answer below)

I keep hearing about this guy, Reef the Lost Cause, but I never really listened to him until this morning. This is damn impressive. It’s called the Sound of Philadelphia. It’s a touching yet frustrated tribute to the city of Brotherly Love. You’ll dig it. (NSFW)
Related: Reef the Lost Cause on Myspace.

–Happy 77th birthday Pat Robertson! Keep up the good work! You’re a great American! I hope you’re never hit by a train! That would be a tragedy! My favorite Pat Robertson quote? “Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again.” Pat’s really smart! Here’s some more fun Pat quotes!

-Well, here we are, less than two weeks from opening day, and our #1 pitcher just went down with an injury. Fortunately, we have six starters, so Lieber can step back in. We’re going to be just fine. Right? Right!?!? Riiiight?!?!?! Oh, God, no…We’re ruined!!! (cue hysterical sobbing.)

-I don’t usually agree with Lou Dobbs, but he nailed this one: Both sides are acting like idiots in this Gonzales situation.

-If you are or your friends have plenty of plutonium, but no nuclear device with which to make your dreams come true, just start hanging out at local construction sites. You’ll find what you need.

-Vote in the new poll on the right side of the page.

-Here’s a fun Mental Floss quiz about how famous people died. I only scored a 5. Weak. (Thanks Todd for sending this in. If you see any cool stuff on the web that you think I should post, just send it to me at johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com.)

-Penthouse is opening a Lounge and Grille in Philadelphia (Word on the street is that Vanessa Williams is gonna be head chef). Are they gonna have strippers? They say no, but Foobooz isn’t so sure.

-Tired of searching the web but never winning any K-Fed prizes for doing so? Well, it’s time for you to start playing with fire. (Thanks Duff for sending this in.)

–Digging for treasure at the Philadelphia Presidential Mansion. And here’s the best part: Dennis Reidenbach, superintendent of Independence National Historical Park, said the park also plans to have a web-camera trained on the dig so Internet users can monitor the progress. Finally, the ultimate in video entertainment, live shoveling!

The trouble started when Joey Sweeney of Philebrity fame was featured in a Infiniti G “special advertising section”. He was then blasted in the Philadelphia Weekly for “Jumping the Shark”. Of course, Sweeney fired back. This is fun! I feel inspired! Hey, whattya guys say we go to a crappy ass concert of some band that is ironically cool and play hipster bingo. Who’s with me?