Hey gang, I hope you can check back on Christmas Eve, when I will have a very special Donspiracist and a very special Christmas Card for you all. And do me a favor over the holidays: Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” if you haven’t already. I was surprised to find out this week how many of you have never seen this film. I kicked against watching it for years, but when I finally gave in I discovered it was one of my favorite movies of all time. It takes place at Christmas, but it is hardly a Christmas movie, and I envy those of you who haven’t seen it because you’re gonna get the thrill of watching it for the first time. Trust me on this one, you’re gonna love it, whether you celebrate Christmas or not.
RELATED: A terrific Slate column a few years back which raises the point that Pottersville was a hell of a lot more fun than Bedford Falls.

An impressive win for Earing (and a somewhat surprising win, considering that they don’t know how to spell earring) at the MyFoxPhilly holiday party. The scores were fairly high (well, except for Bizarre’s score), considering that the game only went three rounds. Here were the scores:

1. EARING 74
2. JAG’S 67
3. HOLIDAY CHEERS 63
4. TEAM AWESOME YES! 60
5. CHICKS R US 57
6. MINUS ONE 55
7. THE SALESPEOPLE 45
8. BIZARRE 37

If you want to liven up a company party with the best quizzo in the city, please feel free to contact me. Why hire Johnny? Click here to find out.

Johnny Goodtimes did not do a duo of “Last Christmas” with Ock at Bonner’s last night. That being said, heres a funny story to pass along: Renee from the Hurtin Bombs was there, and I asked him to take some pictures. So he sat down next to a table full of girls to take the pictures. I’ll let the dialogue between him and one of the girls begin there:

• GIRL: Is that Johnny Goodtimes?
• RENEE: Yes, it is.
• GIRL: Wow, his singing reminds me of his quizzo.
• RENEE: Oh yeah, how’s that?
• GIRL: It sucks.

Then, this girl hopped up on stage and sang the last verse of whatever song we were doing that certainly wasn’t Last Christmas. Picture of her singing after the jump.

Continue reading “The Rumors Are Simply Not True” →

Billy Squier could flat out rock. I mean, even this song on its own is a pretty good one. And his beats were so funky that rappers still sample him regularly. (This is where Jay Z got the beat for 99 Problems.) His previous two albums had sold over 3 million copies each. He was destined for superstardom. And then somebody said, “Hey Billy, whattya think about doing a video with you humping the floor in a pink tank top?” and Billy said, “Let’s do it!” and then, BOOM, it was over. He never sold over 300,000 copies of an album again. This video is, in a seriousness, the equivalent of 50 Cent doing a video in a pink tank top on silk sheets. Can anybody think of a worse career move ever than this video…or can anyone think of a worse music video?

Things between JGT and Alycia Lane have gotten a bit rocky because of this whole Booker thing. (Not because of the cop punching thing. In fact, Goodtimes admits that the cop incident makes her “only seem even hotter. I love crazy women.”) But a close source tells us that Goodtimes now has his eye on co-worker Kerri Lee Halkett*. She apparently just broke up with her boyfriend, Jamison Uhler, who earlier this year wore a woman’s tank top and splashed water on himself in a pool in one of my, ahem, one of Johnny’s favorite videos ever.

*Although he admits, “I don’t really see her that much around the office” at FOX, where Goodtimes has recorded his critically acclaimed online quizzoes.

The lovely Ginger (aka Sassy Kick Some Assy, aka the Beer Lass, aka Suzy, aka Hot Nickels) is gonna be hosting a slammin’ X-Mas party with her beer club tonight at Johnny Brendas and all are invited. I’m planning on going after Black Sheep. It’s gonna be fun. Here’s the 411 from Ginger:

This Wednesday is the 2nd annual holiday party for In Pursuit of Ale-Philly’s Women’s beer club and a Benefit for the National ParkinsonsFoundation.

We meet every two weeks around our city’s watering holes and as much as we enjoy each other’s company we love to branch out and see some new faces. Just think of it as another crazy night at Johnny Brenda’s but supporting the National Parkinsons Foundation all the while…..

It’s going to be an all out bonanza kicking things off with Philly local band, the Getarounds at 8!
NBC 10 will be there! We’ll have DJ Dee Jay spinning for us later (of Beatles vs. Stones
fame)! We’ll have a bottle swap..bring a bottle, take another one home…We’ll be playing some Rock Paper Scissors! Raffling off some prizes- Gift certificates and a 3 liter bottle of MAD
ELF and more! Yummy food for Carnies and Veggies!

All for $13 with optional donations for Parkinsons throughout the night

Drinking great local craft beer for a mere $3 a pint from our friends at Flying Fish, Sly Fox, Iron hill, Troegs, and Dock St. All proceeds go to the parkinson’s Foundation in memory of the Beer Hunter, Michael Jackson.

• “Police say the reason for the attack could be because Mr Kondaiah told too many people of the alleged magical powers of his right leg.” I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today. If you have a magical leg, don’t go blabbin’ off at the mouth about it. Story is here.
• As soon as she got out of prison, who did Alycia Lane call? Ed Rendell. If I ever go to jail, I’m gonna call my powerful political connections, too. Randy, Narberth’s official dog catcher, should be expecting a phone call if I ever punch a cop.
• In other Alycia Lane news, I got totally censored by the Metro today. In the little sports thing, the first question was, “What is it about Donovan McNabb that causes so much drama?” I answered, “If he didn’t want drama, he shouldn’t have punched that dyke cop.” The 2nd question was, “Andy Reid is sick of talking about McNabb’s future. What else is there to talk about?” I answered “Dyke cops.” That one didn’t make it by the censors either. There goes that damn politically correct left wing media again! I guess sayin’ “Dyke cop” is like sayin’ “Merry Christmas” these days. The mainstream media’s all a bunch of left-wing Christ hating dyke cop supporters.
• Got a new photo connector thingie, so hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on photos manana.

Joey Vento, on last night’s Glenn Beck Show: “You don’t wanna assimilate into this country and learn our language? Well then you shouldn’t uh came here then. Stay where you was.” Indeed.

Gotta work on my Metro column this morning, but in the meantime I leave you with a wonderful Christmas story that I just read for the first time this year. It’s short, and you’re gonna love it (If you don’t wanna listen to it and wanna read it, just scroll down a little bit on the page.)

Yes, I was in New York over the weekend. Had a great time. Went to a speakeasy type bar called Milk and Honey (which had some interesting house rules) on Saturday and last night went to Upright Citizens Brigade show. Even saw that giant tree at Rockefeller Center. I did not spend time with Booker and Alycia Lane while I was in New York, nor was I part of the couple that was allegedly in the cab with Alycia and Booker. Nor did I try to set Booker up by planting that slow cop car there in an effort to get him arrested so I could take his lady while he was behind bars, only to see my devious yet brilliant plan backfire horribly when the lovely Alycia allegedly took out that cop with an uppercut. That is a ridiculous rumor and I don’t even know where you heard it from, but it’s absurd. Oh, and a quick question: If the cop she allegedly called a “f****** dyke” before she allegedly punched is in fact a lesbian, does this become a hate crime?

RELATED: Dyke cop gets what’s coming to her.

UPDATE: Holy hell, Joey Sweeney at Philebrity already asked a lawyer if this constitutes a hate crime. Geesh, I thought I was just joking.