“We knew that after last year… we could not afford to have a let-down,” John Street told a crowd this morning on Independence Mall in announcing this year’s “Welcome America” festival events for June 27 through July 4. (from Philly.com) No, we cannot afford a let-down after Live 8. So there was only one artist who could keep the momentum going, who could get this city as excited as it was last year, who could rock Philadelphia to the f****** core! And that artist is…Lionel Richie? What? Was Billy Ocean unavailable?

Hey, if you can’t grab a copy, just click here for the PDF file. The story is on page 14. Judging by the placement of my photo, the editorial staff thought my story was more imortant than that of TomKat having a baby; a baby born…IN DEATHLY SILENCE!!!! In answer to a question I’ve gotten in hundreds of e-mails today (and by hundreds, I mean zero): yes, I will sign your copy of today’s Metro at quizzo tonight.

Johnny Goodtimes will be making another giant step towards his final goal of world domination today, as he appears in the Philadelphia Metro. “This brings me one step closer to being able to forget all the little people who got me this far,” said Goodtimes as he did situps out in front of his house today.

Johnny Goodtimes will be hosting a science (and we use the term “science” very loosely here at JGT, Inc.) quizzo at the Fels Planetarium (222 N. 20th Street) on Saturday, April 22 as the Franklin Institute celebrates the final weekend of the enormously popular Body Worlds exhibit. Here’s the dilly, yo. To participate in what will be a quizzo event for the ages, all you gotta do is buy a ticket to anything going on at the museum that night. It does not have to be the Body Worlds exhibit. You can get IMAX tix or general museum tix if you want. Then join Johnny in the planetarium at 9 p.m. There will be plenty of stuff given away during the night’s contest. Free museum passes, gift shop gift certificates, and even Phillies tickets. There have been no rumors circulating about Johnny rapping at this event. Oh, and yes, there will be booze for sale at this event. Lushes.

Johnny’s ex was asked to the prom by Tom DeLonge. He is a member of what crappy band?

**Johnny’s days as a gangsta/dolphin trainer are behind him, but make no mistake: Johnny is from the streets.

First of all, congratulations to the Evil Miss Lovely, who won last night at Pabst Blue Ribbon Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship. Juan Buenostiempos (Johnny’s unruly cousin from south of the border) went out in the first round, meaning that in the three sanctioned events he has been a part of, he has gone out in the first round each time. He is a pathetic RPS player.

After the match, there was a long, involved conversation about jumpability. Have you heard of this? It’s the theory that somebody seems jumpable, and it is completely different than confident or looks. It’s just this sort of intrinsic vibe that people either give off or they don’t. A vibe that makes people want to jump their bones. Do you have it?

Finally, on a more serious note, I have a bit of a trashcan dilemma, and I need your advice. OK, so last year, this guy who lives next door to me stole my trashcan that I take out to the curb. So I bought a new one. The guy that stole it moved out, but the people who moved in have been using it. Well, last week somebody stole my new trashcan, and now I want my old one back. Can I just take it from them, or has it been grandfathered and is now their’s? Should I leave a note on their door explaining my predicament? Please give me your advice.

Now I know what you’re thinking…”Johnny, you can not possibly be so self absorbed that you are putting interviews with your ex-girlfriend on your website, thinking that we really give a s***”… Wrong. I am that self absorbed, and you do give a s***!

Colby and I met in Hawaii in 1999. She was on vacation, but was won over by the Goodtimes charm and soon moved out to the 50th state. We dated for 3 1/2 years, and actually made it all the way to Philly together before we broke up. She never really liked the city life, and now lives in the woods in North Carolina. Just like the Olympic bomber. Anyways, we have remained friends, and I am happy that she is doing well. Here are her five quick questions…
What music do you have in your collection that you are a little bit ashamed of?
I am ashamed of nothing. I listen to it all and love it all, especially my women folk collection that you hate.

Continue reading “5 Quick Questions with…Johnny’s Ex!” →

There are rumors that Ric Flair will be upstairs at the Khyber tonight to play rock paper scissors. This is, as of now, only a rumor. Johnny will definitely be there. Kick off is at 9 p.m.

My mom and dad came down this weekend, and a fine time was had by all. We went to Pod on Friday night, where the food was pretty good, but it was way too loud. You had to scream to talk. My dad got off a pretty good line. I said, “It’s way too loud here. This would be a terrible place to take a first date.” Without missing a beat, my dad said, dryly, “Yeah, but it’s perfect place to take somebody you’ve been married to a long time.” On Saturday, we had lunch at Penang, one of my favorite restaurants, and on Sunday we went out for pizza, which I will tell you about soon when I get written report from them. Yeah, my parents hobbies are essentially the same as mine. They consist of: eating.

This is it. Next week is gonna be the Best Week Ever. Bobby Badtimes returns, my parents review pizza, I interview an ex-girlfriend who got asked out to the prom by the drummer of Blink-182, and then, on Saturday, I return to the Franklin Institute for another Science Quizzo to help celebrate the closing weekend of Body Worlds. Those of you who attended last time know what an incredible time we all had, and if you missed it then, do not miss it this time. I am telling you , this is unlike any quizzo you have ever attended. I hear they have all new designs for the between rounds ceiling show, which last time was absolutely mind blowing. I will have more details on this show next week.