First of all, I would like to thank the crew at the Bards for their stirring rendition of “Happy Birthday.” That being said, it’s time to start bashing. At O’Neals, everyone knew it was my birthday, but nobody offered me a drink. Everyone starts next weeks game with -5 points. What’s with this Janet Jackson uproar? These idiots who are screaming about it don’t care that every other tv and movie trailer features somebody getting blown up or shot, but all of a sudden our children are going to grow up to be bad people because they saw a split second of Janet Jackson’s boob? Also, was I the only one hoping against hope that Willie Nelson was going to wheel around and kick Toby Keith in the nads during their pregame duo? Boy, the Sixers look good. Oh, yeah, did you see the people of Boston have a ticker tape parade yesterday? And then, come next October, they’re going to be crying about how they’re “cursed” when the Red Sox choke again. Almost makes you want to root for the Yankees. But not quite. By the way, there has been a lot of booing for some of the winners lately at Quizzo. And I think that’s great. It’s becoming a true Philadelphia institution. Also, nice touch at the Bards on Tuesday. When some idiot shouted out an answer, the players began chanting, “A**hole, a**hole,” in Duke student-section style. However, I was not pleased when that same chant was turned on me moments later when the players didn’t like one of the questions. Everyone at the Bards starts next week with -5 points. If you have any personal vendettas, or would like to blast me, just click on comments and go for it. Until next week, I am Johnny Goodtimes. Beware my wrath!

By: Johnny Goodtimes
Just wanted to take the time to thank my fans for braving the harsh conditions on Tuesday night to attend Quizzo at O’Neals and the Bards. You guys rock. Now for the bashing. The Oscar nominees were announced on Tuesday, and I’ve got a few opinions. First of all Lord of the Rings was really great, and it deserved to get a lot of nominations. It was also the most homoerotic film I saw all year. Was I the only one who half expected Frodo to turn to Sam when they’re halfway up Mount Doom and say, “F*** this. Let’s grab some brunch and then head to Home Depot.” Master and Commander, which got ten nominations, totally blew. Of course, it didn’t help that I saw it at Cinemagic. That experience was cinetragic. Watching a movie there is probably very similar to watching a movie on a big screen TV in a South Philly crack house, except that I assume the people in the crack house are friendlier than the employees at Cinemagic. The Carolina Panthers are in the Super Bowl, George Bush is our President and the new Ashton Kutcher movie is the #1 film in America. Almost makes you wanna pull a John Walker Lindh. Oh yes, in keeping with our film theme, I ‘d like to take a moment to bash the film reviewers of the Philadelphia Weekly, who have Zoolander, one of the most pathetic pieces of drivel EVER produced, graded higher than Big Fish, which I thought was better than Lord of the Rings. Movie reviewer Sean Burns called Big Fish flavorless. Oh, and he just LOVED Master and Commander. I’d like to see his head on a pike at the gates of the city. And while we’re railing against weeklies, I’d like to take a moment to call out City Paper. Several of their staffers played Quizzo at Nick’s a couple of months ago and finished second. They vowed to return and take over the top spot. They’ve never returned. I guess #2 is good enough for City Paper (it certainly shows in some of the cover stories they’ve run recently.) Am I the only one who thinks this years 76ers are a lot like the war in Irag: Looks good on paper, but in actuality are a complete disaster that we hope will improve if we just keep supporting them? Oh, and tomorrow there will be some new features added to the site, in addition to the winners receiving their proper dose of glory, so be sure to check back. If you want to add your own two cents or bash me, feel free to click on comments and go to town.

Johnny’s fortunes took a quick turn for the worse on New Year’s Day, only moments after meeting the cute babes pictured above. After going outside this bar (which we won’t name, but will tell you has been in business for over 140 years) to check his voicemail, the bouncers (shown below) told him that he couldn’t go back in. Despite pleas of “Do you know who I am?” the bouncers held their ground, and now Johnny hopes they are both killed by Al-Quaeda. “That would be great,” said the self-proclaimed King of Quizzo. “My New Years Resolution is to spearhead an effort to get this bar (which I won’t name) closed down. 140+ years is long enough.”