Beware My Wrath!

Picture.jpgBy: Johnny Goodtimes
Just wanted to take the time to thank my fans for braving the harsh conditions on Tuesday night to attend Quizzo at O’Neals and the Bards. You guys rock. Now for the bashing. The Oscar nominees were announced on Tuesday, and I’ve got a few opinions. First of all Lord of the Rings was really great, and it deserved to get a lot of nominations. It was also the most homoerotic film I saw all year. Was I the only one who half expected Frodo to turn to Sam when they’re halfway up Mount Doom and say, “F*** this. Let’s grab some brunch and then head to Home Depot.” Master and Commander, which got ten nominations, totally blew. Of course, it didn’t help that I saw it at Cinemagic. That experience was cinetragic. Watching a movie there is probably very similar to watching a movie on a big screen TV in a South Philly crack house, except that I assume the people in the crack house are friendlier than the employees at Cinemagic. The Carolina Panthers are in the Super Bowl, George Bush is our President and the new Ashton Kutcher movie is the #1 film in America. Almost makes you wanna pull a John Walker Lindh. Oh yes, in keeping with our film theme, I ‘d like to take a moment to bash the film reviewers of the Philadelphia Weekly, who have Zoolander, one of the most pathetic pieces of drivel EVER produced, graded higher than Big Fish, which I thought was better than Lord of the Rings. Movie reviewer Sean Burns called Big Fish flavorless. Oh, and he just LOVED Master and Commander. I’d like to see his head on a pike at the gates of the city. And while we’re railing against weeklies, I’d like to take a moment to call out City Paper. Several of their staffers played Quizzo at Nick’s a couple of months ago and finished second. They vowed to return and take over the top spot. They’ve never returned. I guess #2 is good enough for City Paper (it certainly shows in some of the cover stories they’ve run recently.) Am I the only one who thinks this years 76ers are a lot like the war in Irag: Looks good on paper, but in actuality are a complete disaster that we hope will improve if we just keep supporting them? Oh, and tomorrow there will be some new features added to the site, in addition to the winners receiving their proper dose of glory, so be sure to check back. If you want to add your own two cents or bash me, feel free to click on comments and go to town.