The Show must go on!

There will be quizzo over the next two weeks, hosted by two of Johnny’s cousins. Here’s the line-up.

Monday: Doc Watson’s hosted by Benny Pleasurable Experiences 8:30 p.m.
Tuesday: O’Neals hosted by P.D. Hardtimes 8:00 p.m.
Wednesday: Locust Rendezvous by P.D. 6:15 p.m.
Thursday: Good Dog hosted by Benny 8:00 p.m.

By the way, the picture at the top is the Mona Lisa made entirely of burnt toast. I am hoping to keep a journal of my trip on the website. We’ll see what kind of internet access I get down there. Check back. I’ll try to send back as many photos of hot chicks back as I can. And for all you ladies, I’ll be sending back pics of me in a bathing suit, with a tan photoshopped in. By the way, there will only be one set of questions a week, so you’ll have to limit yourselves to one quizzo a week until I get back. Sorry, but I’m not going to spend my whole vacation coming up with questions about vice-presidents in the 1820’s.

Just Like a Prayer Shawl Knocks off Paris Hilton

In what many are considering the biggest upset since the Revolutionary War, Like a Prayer…Shawl? knocked off Getting Into the Paris Hilton and the defending champs Thru Rain, Sleet, or Quizzo at Doc Watson’s on Monday. When reached for comment, Revolutionary War leader George Washington said, “Yeah, beating the redcoats was pretty shocking, but I never thought I’d live to see the day when a team that included Frank Dombrowski and Jeff “Slick” Savage won anything besides Naked Chick Photohunt on the Megatouch.”

Johnny Finds an Oldie But Goodie in the Archives

After an exhaustive search, Johnny was able to find the results of a contest which took place in March of 1923 at Doc’s Speakeasy (Now known as Doc Watson’s Pub). The winners were The Bastart Children of Claire Huxtable, a surprising team name considering that “The Cosby Show” would not debut for another 61 years.

Never the Bridesmaid

Johnny’s streak of going to weddings without hooking up with a bridesmaid reached double digits this past weekend in Virginia Beach, and he ended his Saturday night sleeping alone in a chair. “Hey, almost all the girls at the thing were taken already. I really didn’t have a chance.” Not so, says Goodtime basher Goobie Treehearne. “Johnny just has no game. That worthless knowledge rap may work with the chicks in Philly, but babes in Virginia Beach could really give a shit about who the last Whig president was.” Johnny quickly fired back. “First of all, Millard Fillmore was the last Whig president. Secondly, I’d love to know what gives Goobie the impression that the worthless knowledge rap works with chicks in Philly.” At that point, local voice of reason Kix Drummond chimed in. “Listen, Johnny Goodtimes is like a rock star, except that he’s not kool, he doesn’t have any money, and he never pulls any leg.”

? of the Week

What King was known as “Longshanks”? (I’ll need a name and #, for example
Henry VIII)

Hell Freezes Over!

Satan, sensing a chill, shot up from bed on Wednesday night and ran to his window. “When I saw snow falling,” said the King of the Underworld, “I knew that somehow, the Nation of Quizlam had avoided choking in Quizzo.” The Nation of Quizlam has always been expected to choke in the fourth round. But this week they avoided a meltdown and won handily, and Beelzebub was left out in the cold. “PGW better not start thinking they can bend me over a counter like they do Johnny Goodtimes when it’s freezing in Philly. I’m Satan, b****!”
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Tonight’s Schedule

Johnny will be appearing at the following locale tonight:
Good Dog 224 South 15th Street 8:00 p.m.

Question of the Week

What’s the only b-ball team to win both the NIT and the NCAA basketball tournament in the same year?

NCAA bows to pressure from goodtimes

In a surprise decision, the NCAA ceded to the demands of Johnny Goodtimes and rescheduled the St. Joe’s game on Thursday night. With the game scheduled for 7:30 p.m., officials were contacted by Goodtimes, who had a quizzo scheduled for 8 at the Good Dog. “It was one of those things where you make adjustments just to stay on the right side of a megastar like Goodtimes,” said NCAA president Myles Brand. “We piss him off, and the next thing you know, nobody’s watching this little tournament of ours.” The game was moved to 9:50 p.m., just when quizzo should be ending.

We’re Number One!

Picture 010.jpg After the devastating losses of three consecutive NFC title games, Philadelphians can finally raise their heads up high again-We’re #1! We’re the ugliest people in America! Nobody, and I mean nobody, is any uglier than we are! Well, I mean you guys are. Johnny was voted by the same publication to be “sexiest quizzo host in america” (have you seen the new moustache?) We also tend to be extremely unfriendly. Well, just for that, the magazine who did this stupid survey can go f*** itself. And as far as most stylish goes, we finished near the bottom their, too. Well, I feel like I dropped the ball on that one. As Philly’s style ambassador, I feel like my winter collection was a little weak. I promise to step it up in the spring time. (P.S. The above photo captures the best of both worlds-the ugly, unfriendly jerks who kicked me out of a certain “historic” bar on New Years Day. Did you really think I was going to let that die? Did you?)