Author: Johnny Goodtimes

Just Like a Prayer Shawl Knocks off Paris Hilton

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In what many are considering the biggest upset since the Revolutionary War, Like a Prayer…Shawl? knocked off Getting Into the Paris Hilton and the defending champs Thru Rain, Sleet, or Quizzo at Doc Watson’s on Monday. When reached for comment, Revolutionary War leader George Washington said, “Yeah, beating the redcoats was pretty shocking, but I never thought I’d live to see the day when a team that included Frank Dombrowski and Jeff “Slick” Savage won anything besides Naked Chick Photohunt on the Megatouch.”
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Never the Bridesmaid

Johnny’s streak of going to weddings without hooking up with a bridesmaid reached double digits this past weekend in Virginia Beach, and he ended his Saturday night sleeping alone in a chair. “Hey, almost all the girls at the thing were taken already. I really didn’t have a chance.” Not so, says Goodtime basher Goobie Treehearne. “Johnny just has no game. That worthless knowledge rap may work with the chicks in Philly, but babes in Virginia Beach could really give a shit about who the last Whig president was.” Johnny quickly fired back. “First of all, Millard Fillmore was the last Whig president. Secondly, I’d love to know what gives Goobie the impression that the worthless knowledge rap works with chicks in Philly.” At that point, local voice of reason Kix Drummond chimed in. “Listen, Johnny Goodtimes is like a rock star, except that he’s not kool, he doesn’t have any money, and he never pulls any leg.”

Hell Freezes Over!

quizo 007 (Custom).jpgSatan, sensing a chill, shot up from bed on Wednesday night and ran to his window. “When I saw snow falling,” said the King of the Underworld, “I knew that somehow, the Nation of Quizlam had avoided choking in Quizzo.” The Nation of Quizlam has always been expected to choke in the fourth round. But this week they avoided a meltdown and won handily, and Beelzebub was left out in the cold. “PGW better not start thinking they can bend me over a counter like they do Johnny Goodtimes when it’s freezing in Philly. I’m Satan, b****!”
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NCAA bows to pressure from goodtimes

untitled.bmp In a surprise decision, the NCAA ceded to the demands of Johnny Goodtimes and rescheduled the St. Joe’s game on Thursday night. With the game scheduled for 7:30 p.m., officials were contacted by Goodtimes, who had a quizzo scheduled for 8 at the Good Dog. “It was one of those things where you make adjustments just to stay on the right side of a megastar like Goodtimes,” said NCAA president Myles Brand. “We piss him off, and the next thing you know, nobody’s watching this little tournament of ours.” The game was moved to 9:50 p.m., just when quizzo should be ending.

We’re Number One!

Picture 010.jpg After the devastating losses of three consecutive NFC title games, Philadelphians can finally raise their heads up high again-We’re #1! We’re the ugliest people in America! Nobody, and I mean nobody, is any uglier than we are! Well, I mean you guys are. Johnny was voted by the same publication to be “sexiest quizzo host in america” (have you seen the new moustache?) We also tend to be extremely unfriendly. Well, just for that, the magazine who did this stupid survey can go f*** itself. And as far as most stylish goes, we finished near the bottom their, too. Well, I feel like I dropped the ball on that one. As Philly’s style ambassador, I feel like my winter collection was a little weak. I promise to step it up in the spring time. (P.S. The above photo captures the best of both worlds-the ugly, unfriendly jerks who kicked me out of a certain “historic” bar on New Years Day. Did you really think I was going to let that die? Did you?)