The entries to the first annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest have been pouring in, and let me be perfectly honest: they are hilarious. I want more! Please send your entries in today so I have something to read over the weekend! You may enter as many times as you want. Deadline is this Monday at 5 p.m. Winner gets two tix to Natural Science Museum and a $20 gift certificate to the Bards.

Philebrity posted something about the column I wrote in yesterdays Metro, blasting some of my picks. Which is all fine and good. The sole reason of writing a column like that (to read the column, click here) is to spark some light-hearted debate. But he took a few liberal swipes at quizzo which need to be addressed. Early on, he writes: Quizzo is f****** unbearable. (Since when is going into a bar and drinking and bullshitting simply not enough.) Even more unbearable, however are the lumpen hordes who make quizzo their weekly hobby/habit, at the expense of actually having a real conversation…

Wow, where to begin? First of all, “the Philebrity team” finds quizzo unbearable without ever having played my quizzo. Don’t hate the playa if you’ve never played his game. Since when is going into a bar and bullshitting simply not enough? The statement is nothing short of preposterous, coming from a website whose entire ad revenue comes from places trying to get you to go to a bar and listen to bands and DJs. Why isn’t going into a bar and bullshitting simply enough on those nights? There is plenty of real conversation at quizzo. It may not be about some crappy indie band that sounds exactly like that other indie band that was hot last year, and so the convo may therefore be indecipherable to you, but it is conversation nonetheless. He goes on: it’s just that, if you ask us, this is no kind of job for a grown-ass man. This coming from a man in his mid 30s whose chief source of income is blogging. Industry rule #4080: A hustler should never knock the hustle.

Part of quizzo’s success is that it hasn’t been dragged down by the insufferable tight jean wearing whiners who have no sense of humor and dress like circus clowns. There were plenty of them that used to come to our shows at the Trocadero, and let me be honest: they were the least interesting and least fun people I have ever met. So please continue to blast quizzo, as your efforts as King of the Hipsters will continue to keep those miserable scarf wearing rock star wannabees away. And for that I thank you.

A few months ago, JGT unveiled a dope rap jam on his Myspace. Well, he just did a new song for FOX network, and if any of you were unsure as to whether or not he had sold out, his debut rap video should put those questions to rest. This may be the whitest thing he’s ever done. Including quizzo.

Last night after quizzo I went to say hi to a friend who works as a bartender in our fine city. You may not know this about me, but I am somewhat of a flirt, so at one point in the evening, I decided to send her a joke text message (trust me, I would never actually be this bold): “You so want me”. But as soon as I sent it, I realized that I had made a mistake. I had accidentally send it to the 9 dudes I had just moments earlier sent a text to about how much I hate the Phillies. Frantically, I tried to stop the message. I cut off the phone. Too late. Within seconds I had two messages. Within minutes I had numerous responses, which are posted below:

• NATE: Not as much as you might think.
• BRETT: Uh, wrong Mary.
• KOOB: You’re absolutely right, Johnny.
• ART: Boy I hope you sent this to the wrong person/gender.
• But the best answer came from GARBO, who very matter of factly wrote: I assume this is depression from the Phils crappy work today. I won’t count them out til this next series.
• STEVE-O apparently got the message this morning, as he wrote: Drink a little last night?

I have to admit I am a little disappointed that I did not hear from D-Mac or Vaughn. And as for Adam, who runs the Sidecar, well, as long as I never show my face in his bar again I should be fine. Here’s the impressive part: something even more embarrassing happened later, but I think I’m gonna save that one for my comedy act.

The Boss with the Hot Sauce!

• The debut of JGT’s first ever rap video is tomorrow afternoon. Just a little heads up. It’s pretty dope. In anticipation of the video to drop, I’m gonna give ya some of my favorite Philly rap videos.
• Reef tha Lost Cauze is the best rapper in Philly. Just my opinion but damn. Give it up.
• Above is Gillie, King of Philly. And here’s a little Beanie Siegel. This is a great song.
• And just for old times sake, here’s some Typical American from The Goats. And while we’re kicking it Philly Old School, we gotta throw in a little Schoolly D.