No, I did not get a date. Something even more miraculous than that happened. I got home last night and read the following email from my good friend from back home, Mary (above, who I made deal with while a teenager that we are supposed to get married to if we are both still single at age 35. So far, so good.) I thought you guys might enjoy it:
I was walking my dogs by the river and train tracks and one of my dogs, Dr. Stevens (below, in red shirt), got hit by a train…. and SURVIVED! He lost his tail; it was ripped from his body, but he is in surgery and it seems he doesn’t have any internal damage. The whole thing was a living nightmare but now I’m so thankful I just have to tell this story.

I was up on the tracks with my other dog Nurse Hazel. Dr. Stevens was not far behind us, but NOT on the tracks. We were near a bend and a train came around from what seemed like “out of nowhere”. There was plenty of time to get down though. I went down and Nurse followed but Dr. Stevens went up on the tracks where we had just been instead of coming with us!!! There’s no way to ever know WHY… but he did. There was still some time for him to get down. I started calling him and running towards him because I was getting worried. He was running in the same direction that the train was heading. He just kept running but wouldn’t turn off the tracks left or right. I think he was scared. The Train started laying on the horn. He just freaked and didn’t get off the tracks. I watched the whole train roll right over him for what seemed like five minutes straight! It seemed like the longest train I’d ever seen! Finally it was gone. I was in hysterics by now. I thought he was dead; after what I’d just seen I could not imagine that there was even a chance he was going to be alive. I threw Nurse Hazel in my car and as I started the walk up to the tracks to see what was left of him when I couldn’t believe my eyes… he was trying to get up! He was alive!!! I ran to him and saw blood and thought he was internally wounded. I was crying so hard by this point because I thought he was gonna die in my arms. He was silent. He never made a sound at all. I held him and realized he was maybe ok…
Then Dave and Kris arrived, I had called them in a panic after the train had passed. They came up on the tracks and said “OH MY GOD… there’s his tail!” Sure enough about 20 feet down the track there it was! We grabbed the tail and scooped up Doctor and raced to the vet. They sent us to the emergency vet clinic and I just now got word that he is doing well. He made it through surgery and is gonna be just fine in about 10 to 15 days! It’s a Valentines miracle! I am soooo happy that he is alive and this is such a crazy story that I had to share it! He’s gonna look a little funny but now everyone else will be able to tell them apart! I’m a very lucky and thankful girl tonight and Doctor is one lucky dog! P.S. I saved the tail!

…this one’s for you. Go ahead and sing back-up. You deserve it. Oh, and here’s a sentence from their wiki page: {Mr. Big was} composed of Shrapnel artist and former Racer X guitarist Paul Gilbert, Pat Torpey on drums, and singer Eric Martin, whose high voice on To Be With You and facial appearance led many listeners to believe him a woman.

• Here’s some more on presidential hair, this time in the Inky.
• Pitchers and catchers reported! Woo-hoo! Philly guy Jayson Stark gives you a rundown on what you need to watch for this year.
• Happy Birthday Ugueth Urbina! Urbina was supposed to help revive our bullpen a couple of years ago, but then he went and set some people on fire, and he won’t be released from jail until 2021, at which time he will be almost as old as Jose Mesa.
• And here’s a fun little worthless fact: Keep the Home Fires Burning Was a Very Popular World War I song. The woman who wrote the lyrics, Lena Ford, died when her house caught on fire.

My first date took place in 1988 (are you serious? 20 years ago? Scary.). I was to meet my date, the lovely Amy Beth Conquest, at the Dream Roller Rink (pic, below). My mom took me to Four Corners Plaza, where I got on the Dream Bus (seriously they had a red and yellow bus which took you the 15 miles from Four Corners to New Church.) While riding on the bus, some sketchy looking girl came over to me and said, “Hey, my friend wants to do you.” Being a sweet and nieve young country boy, I had no idea what she was talking about, and had never heard such an expression, so that our conversation went like this:

• Girl: Hey, my friend wants to do you.
• Me: What?
• Girl: My friend, she wants to do you.
• Me: What?
• Girl: My friend wants to do you.
• Me: What?

And so on. Now, keep in mind, in the 20 years since, I have never had another girl tell me that her friend wants to “do me”, so it looks like I blew my big chance. Anyhow, we got to the roller rink, and I found out that Amy Beth had brought along a friend (who, incidentally, did not want to do me), Susanna Fisher. Susanna and I had a sordid history, as we had almost been going steady in the 4th grade, before she decided she would rather go steady with Matt Walker (who will be at Quizzo Bowl IV, by the way) and broke my heart. But time heals all wounds and I had decided to let that go, and the three of us were having quite a nice time at the roller rink. My skating began a little shaky, but quickly started to come around, though I still was unable to stop on my own volition. After a little while, and a sweaty palmed couples skate (probably to Styx, though “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” rings a bell), I decided to leave the ladies to their own devices and head for the game room. I put a quarter in Turbo, the only arcade game I can honestly say I was ever really good at. Well, I was absorbed by the game, and after setting a record I decided to head back out to the rink.

I started to skate, and I remember thinking to myself, “I am really becoming quite a good skater. I bet Amy Beth is rather impressed by my skill.” Suddenly, Susanna made a mad dash towards me from the other side of the rink (she was a pretty good skater), a wild, crazed look in her eyes. “Jamey,” she said (that’s what people called me then), “It’s all girls skate.” It’s hard to quantify the horror one feels as a 13 year old on his first ever date when one realizes one has committed the ultimate faux pas of skating during all-girls skate. Girls were skating by, giggling. My heart dropped to my stomach, my eyes began to fill with water. I needed to get the hell out of here, off of this confounded rink! I took off in a mad dash towards the end of the rink, convinced that everyone in the building was laughing at me. I mean, what kind of weirdo male skates during all girls skate? I had really accelerated, but keep in mind, I wasn’t much of a stopper, and I ran full speed into the fence at the end of the rink, dropping to the floor like a sack of potatoes. And that, my friends, was the beginning and the end of my relationship with Amy Beth Conquest.