Hey gang, I hope you can check back on Christmas Eve, when I will have a very special Donspiracist and a very special Christmas Card for you all. And do me a favor over the holidays: Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” if you haven’t already. I was surprised to find out this week how many of you have never seen this film. I kicked against watching it for years, but when I finally gave in I discovered it was one of my favorite movies of all time. It takes place at Christmas, but it is hardly a Christmas movie, and I envy those of you who haven’t seen it because you’re gonna get the thrill of watching it for the first time. Trust me on this one, you’re gonna love it, whether you celebrate Christmas or not.
RELATED: A terrific Slate column a few years back which raises the point that Pottersville was a hell of a lot more fun than Bedford Falls.
Month: December 2007
The Scoreboard, brought to you by Lucia and Santa
O’NEALS
- Altar Boys 95
- 8 Maids a MIlkin’ 87
- Guiness Snout 85
- Cornbread Mafia 85
- Young Old and Restless 80
BARDS
- The Hurtin Bombs 112
- Sofa Kingdom 92
- Western Omelette 91
- Alycia Lane is a Prostitute 75
- Prince Papa of Peace 72
LOCUST RENDEZVOUS
- Zooey 101 Flunked Sex Ed 101 (aka Jams) 95
- Bzzz Beep Boop Bop 94
- 1022 84
- Crazy NOS 81
- Leather Cheerios 66
BLACK SHEEP
- Duane’s World 111
- Santa’s MInions 107
- What’s With the Crowd 101
- 3:21 101
- Zoey 102: Sex Ed For Blondes 89
- But My Mom Says I’m Cool 89
GOOD DOG
- L. Ron Hubbard’s Diabetics 95
- MAGMA 94
- Ask Google 77
- If God Gives You Lemons, Get a New God 67
- Papy Chulo 62
BARDS
- Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp 90
- Third Times the Charm 87
- Sand From the Beach 79
- 4 Heebs & a Clueless Catholic 72
- Black Eyed Dyke Cops 65
Earing Wins MyFoxPhilly Holiday Party
An impressive win for Earing (and a somewhat surprising win, considering that they don’t know how to spell earring) at the MyFoxPhilly holiday party. The scores were fairly high (well, except for Bizarre’s score), considering that the game only went three rounds. Here were the scores:
- EARING 74
- JAG’S 67
- HOLIDAY CHEERS 63
- TEAM AWESOME YES! 60
- CHICKS R US 57
- MINUS ONE 55
- THE SALESPEOPLE 45
- BIZARRE 37
If you want to liven up a company party with the best quizzo in the city, please feel free to contact me. Why hire Johnny? Click here to find out.
The Rumors Are Simply Not True
Johnny Goodtimes did not do a duo of “Last Christmas” with Ock at Bonner’s last night. That being said, heres a funny story to pass along: Renee from the Hurtin Bombs was there, and I asked him to take some pictures. So he sat down next to a table full of girls to take the pictures. I’ll let the dialogue between him and one of the girls begin there:
- GIRL: Is that Johnny Goodtimes?
- RENEE: Yes, it is.
- GIRL: Wow, his singing reminds me of his quizzo.
- RENEE: Oh yeah, how’s that?
- GIRL: It sucks.
Then, this girl hopped up on stage and sang the last verse of whatever song we were doing that certainly wasn’t Last Christmas. Picture of her singing after the jump.
The Video that Single-Handedly Ruined Billy Squiers Career
Billy Squier could flat out rock. I mean, even this song on its own is a pretty good one. And his beats were so funky that rappers still sample him regularly. (This is where Jay Z got the beat for 99 Problems.) His previous two albums had sold over 3 million copies each. He was destined for superstardom. And then somebody said, “Hey Billy, whattya think about doing a video with you humping the floor in a pink tank top?” and Billy said, “Let’s do it!” and then, BOOM, it was over. He never sold over 300,000 copies of an album again. This video is, in a seriousness, the equivalent of 50 Cent doing a video in a pink tank top on silk sheets. Can anybody think of a worse career move ever than this video…or can anyone think of a worse music video?
Tonight…your chance to win at the Bards
The Sofa Kingdom and Hurtin Bombs are both taking the night off, so tonight is your chance to win at the Bards. Holiday quizzo kicks off at the Good Dog at 8 p.m. and the Bards at 10:15 p.m.
Rumors of Santa Rapping Are Completely False
There are rumors going around that Santa rapped at last night’s party at Johnny Brenda’s, but those rumors are completely false. Santa is very busy this time of year, and he certainly doesn’t have time for rapping. Rumor that it was a fun party are true, however, and kudos to the lovely Ginger for putting together a great party and raising money for Parkinson’s Disease. (Another Santa photo after the jump.)
Continue reading “Rumors of Santa Rapping Are Completely False”
“You’re Havin’ My Baaaby…
…what a wonderful way to show me that you love me.” What convinced Jamie Lynn Spears’ mom to tell the tabloids about her pregancy? Simple. A cool one million dollars. I hope Lynn Spears names one of the baby’s teddy bears Mohammed, and the Saudis get mad and kidnap her and lop her head off in the town square. Oh, and her book on parenting got canned. Apparently the publishers realized that a Lynn Spears book on parenting would be like an Alycia Lane book on the importance of making good decisions.
Another interesting thing about this situation: A few months ago, the National Inquirer reported that she was pregnant. Her lawyers fired off a letter to them which read in part: “Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith.” Is it just me, or everytime that someone calls themselves a “devout Christian with a spotless reputation”, they eventually end up buying smack from a male prostitute or getting pregnant at age 16?
Phillies Get Serious About Winning Title, Add Jenkins and Durbin
Look out, National League! There is one team that is going to be not quite as good as it was last year, but will still win at least 80 games! That’s right, the Philadelphia Phillies, firm believers in tradition, have decided to pick up a few more pieces of rusty metal off the scrap heap. What looks like JD Durbin, sounds like JD Durbin, and puts about as much fear into opposing hitters as JD Durbin? That would be his brother, Chad Durbin, who is now a Philadelphia Phillie. Dontrelle Willis? Puh-leez. Johan Santana? Whatever. We’ve got Chad Durbin. That’s why this is one of the most storied franchises in all of sports, because they always are doing whatever it takes to build a champion. Speaking of building a champion, we have a new centerfielder to replace Rowand! Geoff Jenkins. He’s older than Rowand, and not as good as Rowand, but that’s OK, because he’s cheaper than Rowand, and that’s what this franchise is all about. Keeping it cheap. 4th largest market in baseball. 15th highest payroll. Jenkins actually isn’t that bad, though. He does give you a little pop in the outfield (21 HRs last year), but his BA was only .255. But he’s definitely not as good as Rowand.
Christmas Under Attack!
Well, the left wing media and the activist judges are at it again, trying to ruin Christmas. It looks like now they’re trying to kill Santa Claus. Oh sure, the report says that it was drug runners, but we all know better.
But on a (mildly) more serious note, this Bill O’Reilly “War on Christmas” thing is one of the more idiotic ideas his feeble mind has ever come up with. “Merry Christmas” wasn’t even a common phrase until Dickens released a Christmas Carol in 1843, so it’s not like we’re killing off some ancient tradition. And the word “Holiday” comes from “Holy day”, so how are you making this a secular day if you are wishing people a Happy Holy Day? Finally, “X-Mas” is not porn loving left wingers trying to take Christ out of Christmas. “X” is the greek letter “chi”, and for centuries, the Greeks have used XMas as an abbreviation for “christ’s festival”. But perhaps the most sensible thing I’ve come across about this topic can be read here:
…many Christians are genuinely concerned about the secularization and commercialization of the holiday. But for those who truly want to “put Christ back into Christmas,” the answer is in giving more time and attention to religious and charitable activities, not in demanding more Christian symbolism at the place where you shop. Macy’s is not a temple.