Around the Horn, brought to you by perennial bottom feeders, the Angry Dragons

07-21-2007 005 (Custom).jpg
-Today is Simon Bolivars birthday. Learn more about South America’s biggest hero. Celebrate it by having a Corona tonight at O’Neals quizzo. Oh wait, what? Mexico’s not in South…Oh, uh, nevermind about that Corona thing. But still play quizzo.

-Think that all athletes are dog-fighting drug addicts who cheat and lie? They are. We kid, we kid. Actually, a couple of Texans just made a pretty cool deal. When Ahman Green went to the Texans, he wanted #30. The guy wearing #30, Jason Simmons, said that he could have the number…as long as he made a down payment on a house for a single parent. Deal.

-Joe Sixpack is the bearer of some interesting news: Yards Brewery is breaking up. Founder and co-owner Tom Kehoe is splitting with his partners, Bill and Nancy Barton, and will move the 13-year-old brewery to a new, to-be-chosen location…The Bartons will keep Yards’ hulking brewing facility in Kensington and begin producing a new brand. The new brand? Gonna be called Meters. God, that was awful. I just don’t got it this morning.

Lindsay Lohan arrested for a DUI, possession of cocaine, and skyjacking a plane and then jumping out over Oregon. Just kidding about the last one…but would you really be THAT shocked if I wasn’t?

Congratulations Steve Gerben!!!

m_d49dfb9573c53f73a8909f6ec1aa4e63.jpg
Over 100 comics competed in this years Philly’s Funniest competition at Helium Comedy Club, and when the dust settled, Steve Gerben reigned supreme. His act is hilarious, and on top of that he’s a damn nice guy. Anton Shuford finished 2nd, Chip finished 3rd, and Pat Barker finished 4th. I went both Friday and Saturday nights, and the local comedians at both shows were tremendous. The headline guy, Craig Gass, was ok. I’m not a huge fan of blue comedy, so I wasn’t crazy about it. I was a little surprised they had a blue comic act as MC for this thing, but he did do some great impressions and I’ve certainly seen worse. For example, me at Muhlenberg College in 2003.
I’d like to direct you to this portion of the story: The emcee for the night, Pat Kelley, got on stage and started a low-grade stand up routine consisting mainly of crass fart jokes. Next came John Goodtimes who was only slightly better than Kelley, which isn’t saying much.

Yep, that was the night I learned the old comic adage, “Don’t do your Hitler joke at Muhlenberg College.”

Pics of Winners

Gonna post pics of last weeks winners on the website. Since there is now a new world’s tallest building, we’re gonna ask questions about skyscrapers. One guess per person.

Old School South Philly

lanzaSP111.jpg
Found some pretty interesting stuff about South Philly while tooling around on the internet this weekend.

*First up, here’s an article in which Philadelphia legend Mario Lanza (who I featured in a Metro article a couple of months ago) talks about how much he loves his hometown.

*Where did Frank Sinatra like to hang out when he came to Philly? Find out here.

*Here’s a brief history of the mob in Philadelphia. The most succesful mob boss in Philadelphia history was Angelo Bruno, who was killed in 1980. His wife passed away last week.

Perfect score ruined by the Nazis

nazis.jpg
We kick it off on Tuesday, where This Dildo Tastes Funny came from behind in the final round to knock off Dork SIded, 97-93. On to the Bards, where the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion won for the 4th time in 5 weeks to, dare I say it, become the team to beat in Tuesday night quizzo at the Bards. They carried an 11 point lead into the final round and held on to kick the Kingdom, 99-94.

On to Wednesday, where Todd the Wet Sprocket collected the $20 bounty, busting out the Jams, 107-102. Going into the match, the Jams had won an incredible 13 out of 15. But the Sprockets have talked about possibly forming a regular team, so hopefully we’ll get a good rivalry going at the Vous.

Had our first double digit win at the Black Sheep, as Duane’s World won their 3rd straight match, 106-95, over Yes You Can’t. Another win for Duane’s World next week and we might be talking bounty. We’ll see.

No bounties at the Good Dog, where a mad power struggle continues to play itself out, and there are, incredibly, some open tables. After months of complaints over not being able to get a seat, the last month has been pretty daggone quiet. This week, it was Lady BIrd Lives knocking off Steve O. and the Ketchup Bottle (a team that consisted of Steve O. and a ketchup bottle), 101-87.

On to the Bards, where I was convinced, after question #5 of the impossible round, that the Kingdom was gonna collect their 2nd perfect score ever. I had thought I could stump them on give me first and last names of th eSPice Girls, but they knew them all, and I didn’t think my last 5 questions were that tough. But question #7, “WHat Nazi leader parachuted into Scotland in 1942 and spent the next 45 years in prison?” stumped them, and they had to settle for a 114-102 win over Crazy For Swayze. The defending champs, the Hurtin Bombs, finished in 3rdwith a 101.

CHip CHantry goes for the gold

StephenChantrySham06BR.jpg
JGT pal and former Wheel of Terrific co-host Chip CHantry is vying for the role of Philadelphia’s funniest man in the annual Philly’s Phunniest competition. That picture above is not of Chip, but if you google image Chip, that guy comes up. And I think that the guy above is how I see Chip now: going the distance, the finish line in sight. And wearing a tank top and black short shorts. Two different rounds of comedy tonight. Some really funny guys at both the 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. shows at Helium.

Was Buchanan Gay?

james-buchanan.jpg
I touched on it a bit in my colum in this weeks Metro (column after the jump). Here some historians debate it. Here’s a little bit more comprehensive site about the question of his sexuality and about Buchanan in general. Other White House gay rumors? The other big one is Lincoln. Then there is Rose Cleveland. Though not married to a president, she did serve as first lady to her brother until he got married. She then left the White House and carried on a relationship with a widow named Evangeline Simpson. Anyways, click below to read my column on Buchanan, his first love, the rumors about his sexuaity, and his legacy as president.

Continue reading “Was Buchanan Gay?”