Month: January 2007

Calling All Virgins!

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-There is talk of a TV reality show called “Virgin Territory” in which Jenna Jameson and Paris Hilton will teach people how to lose their virginity. Yeah, nothing should calm those “first time” jitters like knowing that 60 million Americans are gonna laugh their asses off when you struggle to undo her bra strap. And in case you are wondering, the answer is no, I will not be losing my virginity on this show.

–Rocky gets dissed for winning an Oscar, 30 years later. This great line from the director of Network: “I’ve been nominated five times,” the director told The Associated Press last year. “But on two occasions, I got so pissed off about what beat us. With ‘Network,’ we were beaten out by ‘Rocky’ for Christ’s sake.”

–This is hilarious. And people say that giant corporations are just unfeeling monoliths. For shame.

-This from a story about a person named Niaja who bought and sold counterfeit prescription pills such as Viagra and Percoset: Kane used the screen name “moreandmoreNiaja” to facilitate the Internet purchases. The bogus drugs were then shipped from China to Kane in Philadelphia. Again, kids, if you are going to do something illegal on the internet, it is somewhat wise to not use your actual name, especially when you are probably like one of 3 people in the entire city named “Niaja”.

FOX 29 has decided to trash it up a little. Sweet!

Tickets on sale this week

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Yes, I will have Quizzo Bowl Tix on me this week. Sold about 60 last week and expect to have that number rise substantially this week. I would advise you to get your 8 person team together and get your ducks in a row, because it is on.

What’s the worst city in America?

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Well, I’ve never really heard anything good about Indianapolis, and everybody always gushes over how great Chicago is, so I got to wondering, let’s talk about what the best and worst cities in America are. And let’s start with worst. This is kind of a tough one. Charlotte sucks. It is a soulless corporate refuge filled with the lamest, most boring people on earth. Detroit is really awful (especially it’s hookers). It is filthy and scary and mean, and the winters must be brutal right there on the lake. But it does have three sports teams (well, two and a half), the Ford Museum, which is awesome, and it is the home of Motown. Dallas is reprehensible. Every bar and restaurant there is as big as the Wachovia Center, and they all look equally stupid, and the people there are just plain weird. Norfolk, VA, is awful as well. It like an enormous strip mall, as it consists of just one crappy fast food chain after another with a Pep Boys and Wal-Mart thrown in and here and there for miles and miles and miles straight. But I’m gonna go with Reno. Middle of nowhere, wanna be Vegas with nothing else to do besides gamble. And in my case, get a rash on my arm that didn’t go away for a month. And no, it didn’t come from Reno hookers.

Quizzo Bowl 3: Puttin’ the IQ in Risque

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Johnny Goodtimes, long considered one of Philly’s greatest entertainers by the underground but snubbed by the mainstream, thinks he knows why. “I have succeeded in many things, but have failed in one-to make quizzo sexy,” says the award winning quizmaster. “That’s about to change. On February 3rd, to be precise. On that date (which also happens to be Goodtimes birthday), we will be putting the IQ in Risque.” But Goodtimes thinks his vision is even grander. “This is about more than making quizzo sexy. It’s about making Philadelphia sexy. For too long we’ve been looked at as more trashy than sexy, a stereotype perpetuated by that neanderthal eating contest that takes place every year. Trashy has had it too good in this town for too long. On February 3rd, sexy fights back.”

Therefore JGT has hired the Bawdy Girls as his halftime entertainment. THe Bawdy Girls are women who realize that sexy is real, and not something that comes from saline, silicone, and botox. Much like the fact that the true measure of a person’s worth is the amount of questions they can answer, not the amount of wings they can eat. There is already Quizzo Bowl vs. Wing Bowl smack talk going down at Blinq, so I highly suggest you check it out. JGT will be selling tix at quizzo all week ($15 a pop).
RELATED: Join the Bawdy Girls on MySpace.

The stage is set

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Well, shows you what we know. In last weeks poll, over 30% of you thought that the Saints would win the Super Bowl, 29% thought the Pats, and the Colts and the Bears were 3rd and 4th, respectively. I’ve just posted a new poll. That Colts-Pats game last night was incredible. I was rooting for the Colts, b/c I like Tony Dungy a lot, and I had all but given up when it was 21-3. But that 2nd half was the most wildly exciting 2nd half of NFL football I’ve seen since that Patriots-Panthers Super Bowl, and now I don’t know who to root for in the Super Bowl. Like I said, I love Tony Dungy, but I hate the Irsay family for what they did to the people of Baltimore. That move was much worse than what Modell did to Cleveland. On the other hand, I’m sick of hearing Chicago fans whine about the Cubs when they got to enjoy the greatest athlete in the history of the world for 15 years, MJ. And, like someone said in the comments section when I was on my trip, I’m also sick of how great everyone from Chicago seems to think Chicago is. I think, in the long run, I’ll probably root for the Colts, b/c I want Tony Dungy to win it all.

Tonight’s Da Night

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Mr. Grady. Jack. The Overlook. On the freaking big screen! The greatest horror film ever (feel free to argue below, though you are wrong) playing at the Troc. 7:30 p.m. And scattered flurries today, as you watch a film that takes place entirely in the snow. I mean, are you serious? Fate wants you here! Hell yes!!!