OK, so I’m two days late on this, but nobody is really sure when he was born anyway, so who cares. Regardless, I am a huge Rasputin fan. His story is so unbelievable that it’s hard to believe it’s true. This filthy peasant religious man supposedly helps the young prince’s hemophilia, so the royal couple keeps him around the Royal Palace. They can’t let out why he’s there, because they don’t want the prince to be perceived as weak. So the citizens of Russia are like, “Why in the hell is there some bum chilling at the Royal Palace?” Not only is he a bum, but he’s banging all the upper class babes in town, raising the ire of the upper class. It is said that his eyes transfix women, but if this display at a St. Petersburg shows us anything, it’s that it was his monster hog that drove the babes wild (Warning, if anyone at work sees you looking at that link, there are going to be a lot of questions asked). He was also a wild partier, getting wasted, acting inappropriate in public, and picking up hookers. He was unquestionably a black eye on the Royal Family, and with the Czars approval rating hovering even lower than Bush’s, a member of his family decided to act. The cross dressing Prince Felix Yussopov tried to kill Rasputin, but this proved exceedingly difficult. Or did it? New evidence shows that Rasputin wasn’t as hard to kill as previously believed, and that he was actually killed by the British, who were scared that Rasputin would convince the Tsar to pull out of WW One, gravely hurting their cause.
Related: Original press release concerning Rasputin’s death.
Below: Grigs kicks it with some honeys.