It was ten years ago today that the Unabomber’s Manifesto was printed in the New York Times and the Washington Post. It makes for fairly interesting reading, though he certainly should have used an editor to trim some of the fat. The next thing is really neat. It’s called the baseball oracle, and it is basically a “6 degrees of Kevin Bacon type thing”, except that it connects baseball players via teammates. My performance on the Kevin Bacon thing was poor. I submitted Buster Keaton, who was only two degrees from Kevin Bacon. On baseball, I was more impressive, as it took them 6 degrees to link Honus Wagner to Coco Crisp. Big ups to Mike for sending me the link.

Argh, me maties, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Please, I am begging of you all to talk like a pirate for the remainder of the day. Also, please don’t explain to anyone you’re working with why you are doing it! How do I talk like a pirate, you ask? Just click here for a bunch of helpful pirate terms.

I had never been thought of as an effective defensive player. I was slow, a poor jumper, and wasn’t extremely disciplined (unlike now). But the competition of this summer league (the Boo Williams league) was so good that I knew that I would never leave my mark on offense. So I started taking defense seriously, and actually shut down some pretty good players. Finally, my team went up against AI’s team (which also counted future Sixer Joe Smith as a member). I started the game on the bench, as always. Iverson started hot. Nobody could stop him. My coach told me to go into the game. I nervously walked onto the court. “I got Bubbachuck,” I told my teammates.

Continue reading “The Bubbachuck Papers, Vol. 2” →

Here’s a recent announcement I received from the Humane Society. Now that they’ve gotten the humans out, the Humane Society wants them to concentrate on the animals. You can help. The White House # is only useful during the week, and Rummie’s mailbox is full, but you can get through to the # for Governor Blanco and Homeland Security today.

Please call or email President Bush and other officials
today and urge them to help us before it’s too late.

Time is running out for these animals. Every hour that passes
means more pets, locked behind closed doors in the disaster
zone, will die of starvation. Our teams are working as hard as
they can to reach as many pets as they can – and as we reported
to you on Wednesday, we’ve rescued thousands. But there are
thousands more.

At this 11th hour, when so many lives are at stake, we are
asking you to help. I urge you to contact these government
officials today and ask them to help rescue animals before it is
too late.

The 2005 Rock Paper Scissors Keystone Classic will be taking place on October 8th at Whiskey Dix Saloon on North 7th Street. You will be able to test your skills against the best in the world, and you could walk home with your share of $900 in prizes. Tickets are $10 a pop, or $9 in advance. You may not use pen missile (above). If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please check out Rock Paper Saddam. Also, Restaurant Week is next week, so make your reservations now.

Damn, Smokey! Last Wednesday night, after that devastating loss to the Astros, I jumped up and down and screamed and cursed, and I swore, I swore that I was not going to follow this good for nothing hack loser team anymore. After a victory on Friday night, I went back on my word and attended Saturday night’s game. We blew a 6-4 lead in the seventh inning and lost by one. “That’s it! This time I mean it! I’m done! Finished! Mark my words! Everyone here mark my words! They are as good as gold. I will not follow the Phillies anymore this season!” And yet, there I was, at the Black Sheep last night, jumping up and down when Ramon Martinez hit that grand slam, then asking the question, “Who in the hell is Ramon Martinez?” I guess the point of this story is that you should never take me at my word. Tell me via the poll whether or not you think the Phils are gonna make the playoffs.

I found this while doing research on haiku, as I prepare my masterpiece. Perhaps it will inspire you. Or at least it seems kind of funny. For the full article, click here.

Haiku is more than a form of poetry; it is a way of seeing the world. Each haiku captures a moment of experience; an instant when the ordinary suddenly reveals its inner nature and makes us take a second look at the event, at human nature, at life. It can be as elevated as the ringing of a temple bell, or as simple as sunlight catching a bit of silverware on your table; as isolated as a mountain top, or as crowded as a subway car; revelling in beauty or acknowledging the ugly. What unifies these moments is the way they make us pause and take notice, the way we are still recalling them hours later, the feeling of having had a momentary insight transcending the ordinary, or a glimpse into the very essence of ordinariness itself.

Such an experience, referred to as the “aha moment,” is the central root of a haiku. The act of writing a haiku is an attempt to capture that moment so that others (or we ourselves) can re-experience it and its associated insight. This means picking out of memory the elements of the scene that made it vivid, and expressing them as directly as possible — that is, the goal is to recreate the moment for the reader, not explain it to them (this is sometimes called the “show, don’t tell” rule).

Controversy erupted in the haiku contest as a contestant named Leigh Anne tried to pull off a 4 syllable, 7 syllable, 3 syllable haiku! The Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee, which has a history of punishing all haiku related offenses extremely harshly, is looking into the matter.

My favorite group in Philly, possibly in the world, is gonna be performing at the Kimmel Center on Friday night. I just went and got my tickets. These guys are incredible. If you have not seen the Roots yet, I highly encourage you to do so. This is going to be an amazing show.

Alright gang. I’m giving away two tickets to the Adventure Aquarium in Camden to the person that comes up with the best haiku. Obviously, the funnier the better. Haiku poems are generally formed 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. Just post your haiku in the comments section below. I’ll get us started with a bad one:
The wind, a flower,
Butterflies are so pretty
Oatmeal Cream Pies, yum.