Meet Tonight’s contestants

Here’s what tonight’s contestants learned in their first time as Johnny Goodtimes.
I was surprised to discover how many people don’t yet know what Quizzo is. My boss asked if it was “that game they play in Harry Potter.” I also learned that the owner of Doc Watson’s likes his Quizzo hosts good and drunk, and that once a Quizzo host is good and drunk on a Monday night, the rest of the week moves slower than a three-toed sloth. Something else I learned is that, should I win the job, it would behoove me to bring a calculator to add up the score sheets. That Johnny Goodtimes is smarter than he looks. No, really. And his cat is an astonishingly good Quizzo host, at least according to the polls. One practical piece of advice I received is this: Multiple-choice questions make you popular. Finally, I learned on my first week on the job that you can take the Ern out of the ‘Vous, but you can’t take the ‘Vous out of the Ern.
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Admittedly, I “misunderestimated” the level of serial killer interest in this town, completely wasting my psychological well-being doing countless hours of research on a certain unmentionable website’s “serial killer” section. In addition, everyone who has even a casual rooting interest in the Phillies and knows the significance of the name Joe Carter should also know who Chico Ruiz is. I also learned that if I ever own a bar it would probably be better to go with the Mexican theme rather than the Irish theme. Clearly, the whole Irish thing doesn’t pack in the crowds on “Cinco de Mayo.” If only there was a similar day that Irish bars could have on which
everyone could pretend that they were Irish and we could pretend that the Irish people have some kind of predisposition toward alcohol. Oh well, if anyone comes up with anything let me know. Finally, it is important to remember that no one likes the smartest kid in the room and that while “droids don’t go around tearing people’s arms off when they lose,” wookies (and the Black Sheep Puntang) have been known to do that.