Yes, it looks like Katie Holmes is joining the Church of Scientology! When asked what about the religion excited her the most, she said, “Buying the black Nikes and waiting for the comet!” Here is the Scientology website, and here is a highly critical look at Scientology. ANd finally, here’s a pretty interesting 1983 interview with L. Ron’s son, L. Ron Hubbard, Jr.

Paris Hilton says she is retiring! Which means that my definition of “retiring” is obviously a little off. See, I thought that to retire, one had to actually be employed. I didn’t think you could retire from being, say, a talentless whore.

…I highly recommend it. It’s video of Triumph at the Jackson trial.

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry
groceries.

If you were going to host a sort of scavenger hunt in Philadelphia, what kind kool things could you ask people to do? I can’t reveal the reason I am asking just yet, but you’ll know soon enough. I’ll just tell you this: I think it’s going to be a really kool event. Just click on comments below to leave your suggestions. And check the message board to let me know who you think is the most annoying person on television.

British politician John Stonehouse is best known for doing what in 1974? (It’s a pretty neat story.)

Pedro Mays, winner of the “Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes Contest”, will be premiering at the Dive (947 Passyunk Avenue) on Tuesday, June 14th at 8:30 p.m.!

…are the ones that make the least sense.

Kevin Pittsnogle will be returning to West Virginia for his senior season!

You’re sitting at your desk, wondering how in the world you’re going to get through those final few hours of a hazy Friday. I may have the answer: Anagrams!