Sunday is the last day of the Give Johnny a Motto contest! The winner gets a $20 gift certificate to the Bards, praise and acclaim on the website, and a t-shirt with their motto on it! I will select my favorites, and then we will vote next week for the best one. More details are below.

The Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular needs a motto. Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo:_____________. So I need your help. Just enter it in comments under this or send me an email. You can enter as many times as you like. Just be sure to leave an email address so I know how to contact you if you win. The deadline is June 19th.

Chancellor-elect was able to win a squeaker at a private party on Wednesday night. The lawyers, who all work for the well-respected firm of Sanders, Thomas, and Kroc, were a bit worried when the Colonel showed up for the fourth round. “Yeah, he’s been in a snippy mood ever since KFC merged with Taco Bell,” said team member Atticus Succatash. “The Colonel just hates Chalupas. But fortunately, he knows a lot about the space program, and he was able to help us with the weekly double.”

Today would be Tupac’s 34th birthday, if he were still alive. Or is he still alive? Here’s the conspiracy theory behind his “fake” death. And here is a controversial story about 2Pac that perpetuates the conspiracy theory that appeared on johnnygoodtimes.com a few months ago.

This is a pretty decent (albeit biased) bio of Shakur, and finally, the crimelibrary’s file on the deaths of SHakur and Biggie Smallz.

You’re going to love Annie’s Flag Day page. Finally, a website devoted entirely to Flag Day!

Yes, it looks like Katie Holmes is joining the Church of Scientology! When asked what about the religion excited her the most, she said, “Buying the black Nikes and waiting for the comet!” Here is the Scientology website, and here is a highly critical look at Scientology. ANd finally, here’s a pretty interesting 1983 interview with L. Ron’s son, L. Ron Hubbard, Jr.

Paris Hilton says she is retiring! Which means that my definition of “retiring” is obviously a little off. See, I thought that to retire, one had to actually be employed. I didn’t think you could retire from being, say, a talentless whore.

…I highly recommend it. It’s video of Triumph at the Jackson trial.

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry
groceries.

If you were going to host a sort of scavenger hunt in Philadelphia, what kind kool things could you ask people to do? I can’t reveal the reason I am asking just yet, but you’ll know soon enough. I’ll just tell you this: I think it’s going to be a really kool event. Just click on comments below to leave your suggestions. And check the message board to let me know who you think is the most annoying person on television.

British politician John Stonehouse is best known for doing what in 1974? (It’s a pretty neat story.)