I am grumpy today. Super Grumpy. Grump up the Volume type grumpy. I want to do the Grumpty Grump type grumpy. To try to ward off the grumps, I headed to John’s Roast Pork, where I went once before and had the sandwich the place is named after. Word on the street is they have a pretty damn good cheesteak, and this felt like a cheesesteak eatin’ day. (The Mac Dad’ll make you grump, grump. Just thought of that one. Sorry.) Well, I got one and it was, well, OK. The bread was great, the thing was gooey, but I dunno. Maybe my heart wasn’t in it, maybe trying to locate my oomph in a cheesesteak was a bit too tall of an order. But I just felt like it didn’t have that extra intangible that I find at Jim’s. (Forrest Grump.) Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be back at John’s in the near future. But I’ll be returning to the roast pork, which is easily of the best sandwiches I’ve ever had in the city.
Related: Pic courtesy of hollyeats, a great food website that loves this place.

Heading to the Jersey Shore this weekend for the wedding of Brian and Meghan. You may remember them. They were the couple that got engaged at quizzo last year, in one of the more creative proposals I’ve ever seen. Of course, I’ve only seen two proposals. One was when I was at a 30th birthday dinner at Astral Plane with the girl I was dating at the time. The guy next to me dropped to a knee and proposed to his girl. (They were European. The girl was smoking hot, and the guy looked like a dweeb. What’s the deal with hot European girls liking dweebs? They always do.) She started crying and everything, and me and my date, who were destined to break up like a week later, just sat there and felt weird. Ah, good times. Good times.

So I was flexing my masculinity in the comments section, blasting EE for suggesting that ballet dancers are great athletes. Then I came across this report. Oh. Uh, there are some, uh, glaring inconsistencies in that report. Whatever. Ballet would be a lot cooler if they had 260 pound linebackers hitting them from the blind side. Then I would totally watch.

A recent article written by Gene Wojciechowski proclaimed Tiger Woods as the greatest athlete ever, and caused a heated debate between two good friends of mine and I at the Bards last night. Because while I wold consider Woods one of the greatest competitors of all time, to call him the greatest athlete of all time is fallacy. There is simply no way a golfer is an athlete. The one guy claimed that a golfer can be an athlete, since he uses bodily exertion to compete, and that the only difference between him and a basketball player is that a basketball player burns more calories. The other guy, who was on my side in this argument, said, “Does Minnesota Fats count as one of the greatest athletes of all time? I mean, he used his body to compete, and he crushed the competition.” Of course he’s not, and neither is Tiger Woods My friend who was supporting the Tiger Woods argument, then said, “What defines an athlete?” That’s a tough question. The best I could do was, “Someone who goes faster, stronger, and higher, or at least two of the three.” So what do you guys think? What is an athlete, and can a golfer be one? Also, be sure to vote in the new poll on the right. (I hate to say it, but I think Jordan is the greatest athlete of all time.)

Apparently everybody is having a pretty good time at the expense of the Crocodile Hunter. According to D-Mac, his name made for good fodder at New Deck Quizzo last night. (New Deck: The only acceptable quizzo). And I got an an email from Obit master Andy Nolan with the following headline: Great Barrier Grief! The email continued thusly: Australian naturalist Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray barb through the heart while filming a new documentary on Monday. The documentary is tentatively titled “The Barb Thruheart Show”. Irwin is to be buried in a croc pot… six feet down under. Brilliant.

Not to be a party pooper but I think, amist the laughter, we should also honor the Croc Hunter. (Oh no, am I turning into a voice of compassion and reason? Nooooooo.) I loved a quote I heard yesterday: “He made people love the ugly animals too.” I got a little choked up at that. I’m a sucker for animals, even ugly ones (you should see my sister’s dog), and I appreciated what a conservationist and showman Steve Irwin was. So here’s to you, Steve, and to a life that appeared to be full of adventure, compassion, and enthusiasm. May we all be so lucky.
Related: Obit Master Andy Nolan.

It was a cold and dark night outside, but inside the Fels Planetarium at the Franklin Institute the stars were shining bright and the Simpsons fanatics were ready to test their skills. Johnny stayed true to his word, and threw off some people with a round about famous people named Homer, Lisa, Bart, Marge, and Maggie. But his favorite round was definitely his second one. In honor of one of my (yeah, I’m back to the first person) favorite funnymen of all time, Phil Hartman, the 50-50 round was Ed Wood movie or Troy McClure movie. Answers are after the jump.

1. The Erotic Advenutes of Hercules
2. One Million ACDC
3. The Night the Banshee Died
4. Glen or Glenda
5. Plan 9 From Outer SPace
6. Hitler Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
7. The Verdict Was Mail Fraud
8. The Revenge of Abe Lincoln
9. Necromania: A Tale of Weird Love
10. David Versus Super Goliath

Continue reading “Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z wins Simpsons Quizzo” →

So I’m talking to my mom last night, and she says, “I signed your Pluto thing,” which was sweet, because she was one of like three people who signed it (other than the boob who wrote “Gregory Goodtimes, Norbert Nicetimes, Albert Awesometimes, etc.”). Then she said, “This is so stupid. You know what this is? This is just a ploy to sell more science textbooks.” But of course! It makes perfect sense. If they take Pluto out of the solar system, every single science textbook in America will need to be replaced, at a cost of billions of dollars (total, not each). And how many dollars does Pluto pump into our economy? Zero. So there you have it. Mrs. Goodtimes has exposed the dark underbelly of this Machivallian plot*!

*I have no idea what that means, but it sounds really kool.

Yeah, sorry peeps. I’ve been a slacker today. Somebody sent me an email telling me that I was being passive aggressive about something and then I called a smart friend of mine to find out what it meant and they told me that yeah, I am kind of passive aggressive, so then I was kind of pissed about these lies, but I didn’t want to let on, so I just kind of dropped a few hints about how I felt about being called passive aggressive but didn’t really confront it, because hey, it’s all a bunch of lies anyway, right? And the next thing you know, it’s time to work on my questions for tonight. So there you have it. And as far as my Pluto petition goes, it’s fine. I didn’t want you guys to sign it, anyway. So, it’s kool. You guys didn’t hurt my feelings by ignoring my heartfelt plea for help. So don’t worry about it. Because it’s no big deal.