-Mike Tyson is set to become a male prostitute. His boss? Heidi Fleiss. I am not kidding.
-A woman from Charlotte came up to West Chester in the hopes of stalking Bam Margera, and disappeared. Like whoa, this is weird.
–Is Tom and Katie’s baby, um, special?
–Unquestionably the hottest new word of the week is gyroball. Is it pronounced like year-o or Jie-ro? Does it even exist? Will simply attempting it rip your arms out of their sockets? Nobody knows!
-Week in Review coming soon.
In what could be termed a mild upset, the quizzo at Roosevelt’s was named cheesiest quizzo. Goodtimes, who has made a career out of being cheesy, was a little disappointed, and even more so when Gervase was named cheesiest celeb. But he did get a bit of vindication when his former employers, the CIty Tavern, got named cheesiest dining experience. City Tavern. Philadelphia’s version of Medieval Times, but without any of the fun (or the drumsticks). You think it’s no fun to eat there? Try dressing up in colonial garb and carrying a “Martha Washington turkey pot pie” to table 9. I don’t know of a single server who came out of that experience without a severe dependance on alcohol.
RELATED: Philly Weekly tells us what’s cheesy.
Mary Kate and Ashley are completely and totally out of their f****** minds. Just look at those eyes. Attention retailers: do not sell these poor girls black Nikes and purple armbands the next time a comet comes close. I’m just sayin’.
There is nothing less heartening than seeing some smoking hot girl who should be dating a sweet-hearted, handsome, intelligent soul like yourself walking arond with some K-Fed jerk-off wannabe with beaucoup de hair gel who hangs out at Bleu Martini, and who uses phrases like “beaucoup de” to say “a lot of”. And designer sunglasses. Nothing says, “I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch” like a pair of designer glasses. Am I right, fellas? I’m right. Well, finally, there is a website dedicated to this phenomenon, hotchickswithdouchebags.com. This is a great website.
Hey gang, I’d really like to show more old classics at the Trocadero, but I need to know if people would come to support them before I pitch them. I know there are a lot of classics out there that people have never seen on the big screen. So let me know if you would come out on a Monday night to see Dr. Strangelove, which is in the top 20 ranked films of all time on IMDB, by voting in the poll on the right.
If you ever decide to jump over the St. Lawrence River in a car, I highly suggest you do so in a 1970s Lincoln Continental. Apparently, those things fly like birds. Thanks, Duff, for sending this in. If you see something funny or amazaing on the net for me to post, just send it to me.
Now, as you all know, JGT is down with YouTube legend Average Homeboy. Therefore, I want you to vote for Blazin Hazen on YouTube, so that he can appear on Good Morning America.
Happy Birthday to former Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter, who is best known for having the name Felix Frankfurter. Are you kidding me? What a kickass name! Thanks, Felix Frankfurter, and happy 124th birthday. We have another very special birthday today, as Judge Wapner turns 87! Sadly, the Ol’ Dirty Bastard would turn 38 today if he were still alive. Here is a hilarious story of a nerdy white guy who used to get calls intended for ODB, since they both had the name Russell Jones.
Jones began to notice a pattern in the calls. There would be a few weeks of calm, and then the phone would start ringing five or six times a night. When this happened, Jones would say to his wife, “I think the O.D.B. did something.”
Spinal Tap won the vote, with with 29% of 158 votes cast, edging out Rushmore. So Spinal Tap wil be the film showing on November 27th. Thanks for voting, gang. And remember, you can’t dust for vomit.
In addition to quizzo tonight, there is going to be a terrific comedy show. 16 of Philly’s best comedians will be competing to appear on an upcoming show on Comedy Central. Comedians include Wheel of Terrific regulars Chip Chantry and Pat House. BEst part? It’s free! Just make reservations by calling 215-496-9001. The show starts at 8 p.m., and will be at Helium, (2031 Sansom), which is right around the corner from the Bards. Show should wrap up around 10:15, giving you time to make it to quizzo. So check it out. I have seen a bunch of these guys live, and they are really good. This will be a great show.
