Question

A friend of mine the other day, when I mentioned that we were gonna show Spinal Tap on Monday, said “That’s one of those things that I feel like I’m supposed to like but don’t like.” I’ve heard in the past people say things like, “I don’t like the Beatles” or “I hate Bob Marley.” For me, I think it’s Old School. Everybody thinks that movies hilarious, but I never really laughed much at all during it. I also hate the band Phish, though 8 years ago all of my friends thought it was the best thing to ever happen to music, and I don’t care much for the Grateful Dead. What about you guys? What are things you are supposed to like but don’t? Post below.

Philly Mag, Scared of Being labeled ‘Pertinent’, Resorts to Cliche Handbook

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As I reported, Philly Mag last month had a very impressive cover story about the murder rate in our city, and for a fair second I thought the Mag might actually start writing about stuff that people off the Main Line care about. Well, they nipped that notion in the bud, trotting out the lamest cliche in the book this month. A cover story on (are you ready for this?) Rocky. Whoa! But wait, it gets worse. I actually decided to give the story, written by GQ writer Andrew Corsello, a try. Big mistake, b/c a few paragraphs in, I came upon this: “You’re famous for your rotteness, you people.” Oh God, here we go…”You’re the ones who pelted Jimmy Johnson with snowballs.” Are we supposed to be ashamed of this? Jimmie Johnson is a douchebag, and if I saw him on a snowy street, I’d hit him with a snowball today. “You’re the ones who drove Mitch Williams to hermitude in Siberia or Katmandu or wherever he was sent to atone in silent prayer.” Siberia? Nice fact checking job. Yeah, we were so mean to Mitch that he moved all the way to South Jersey, where he lives now…“the ones who booed McNabb on draft day.” OK, so fair enough. That was stupid. Just end it there. You’ve got us beat, you made your point, just as long as you don’t bring up…”the ones who rained boos and snowballs on Santa at Franklin Field.” You did not just take it there. “Santa, for Christ’s sake!” Yes you did. Way to deliver a punchline that ESPN delivers every single friggin’ week. I guess you proved that Rocky isn’t the lamest cliche in the book. The Santa snowball debacle is. You miraculously outcliched your own story, which was almost impossible to do. I knew that the TV show Hack took place in Philadelphia, but I didn’t know it was based on your writing.

Spinal Tap Tonight

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We’re gonna be turning it up to 11 tonight at the Trocadero (1003 Arch) with one of the most kickass movies of all time, Spinal Tap! A very special Wheel of Terrific kicks things off at 7:30 p.m. Hope to see you there!

The Hawaii Quiz

Well, it was 6 years ago this week that I moved back to the mainland after a 3 year stint in the Hawaiian Islands. So I’m gonna post last weeks winners with a question about Hawaii. Post your answers in the comments section below the stories. One guess per person.

Quizzo results; JGT plays (poorly) in alumni b-ball game

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Let’s plow through this so I can get outside and enjoy this beautiful day. On Monday, we saw Strangers With Candy after a Wheel of Terrific that witnessed one of our funniest games yet, the $100,000 pyramid. I’m not going to explain it, b/c you might get a chance to see it again this week at Spinal Tap. But trust me, it’s damn funny. It was the first time I had seen Strangers with Candy, which was actually a really fun movie.

On Tuesday, there were no surprises, as the Young the Old and the Restless won at O’Neals and the Sofa Kingdom continued their dominance at the Bards with a 102. Three members of Team MAGMA played at the Bards, finishing second. Will we see a new rivalry form? Only time will tell.

The JAMS were noticeably absent from the Locust Rendezvous, as the River of Rocks won with a score of 97. The Black Sheep was the scene of a shootout, as old timers the WTF came away with a 108-105 win over Satan’s World, a superteam of the Minions and Duane’s World.

On Thursday I came home, ate lots of turkey, and hung out with my peoples. On Friday I played in an alumni basketball game at my old school and didn’t exactly shower myself with glory. I also realized just how pathetically out of shape I am, as some 24 year old hot shot on the team decided we should play man to man defense and a run and gun offense. About two minutes in, my tongue swoll up to about 4 times its normal size, restricting my breathing and leaving me gasping futiley for air. Meanwhile my legs began to wobble underneath me, causing at least some concern that I would simply callapse to the floor. Unlike most basketball games, scoring was not my main goal. Simply remaining upright for five straight minutes was a feat in and of itself, and after that time, I staggered off the court, proud that I had not humiliated myself completely. It wasn’t until the fourth quarter that I would humiliate myself completely, as I blew three layups and airballed a three pointer (I told everybody that it was partially blocked, but no-one believed me) and we lost by 4. It was an ill fated return, like Jordan coming back to the Wizards, and the rest of the team whispered amongst themselves about how they would have won if it wasn’t for me. I cried myself to sleep that night.

On Saturday, I saw my first ever girlfried, Mara. She broke my heart when I was 15, and I stayed up all night crying. We were together for over a month and a half, and it still ranks as one of my longest and most fruitful relationships. Anyway, she is now pregnant, causing me to finally come to grips with the fact that it’s over between us and I need to move on. Well, that about wraps it up. I’ll see you at the Troc manana for Spinal Tap. Hope you all had a great holiday!

From Our Family to yours: Happy Holidays

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My fiancee*** (above) and I would like to extend warm holiday greetings to all of you. I hope you have a safe and happy holiday, and I look forward to seeing you all again soon. I’ll get pics and stuff up ASAP, though I’m not sure when that will be. Oh, and remember, Spinal Tap on Monday.

***There are rumors that the girl in the photo is not my fiancee, but is in fact a bartender at a local pub who humored me for like 15 seconds last night when one of my friends proposed we take a photo together. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She is in fact my fiancee, and she finds me very witty, charming and handsome. Let’s review: Bartender at local Pub who finds me not the least bit attractive or interesting? NO. My fiancee who finds me very wonderful and terrific? YES.