By now, you have all heard about the killer whale attack, and since I worked with marine mammals for a few years, I thought I would throw in my two cents. I am whole heartedly against killer whales in captivity. To be honest, I have very mixed feelings about dolphins in captivity, but not about killer whales. It is simply tragic that these incredibly intelligent creatures are kept cooped up in tiny holding areas, wasting away. In the wild, these creatures swim about 75 miles a day. Their holding tanks are usually not too much longer than the whales themselves. Their life spans are much shorter in captivity.

I have a good friend who is an orca trainer, and she is saddened by the treatment that some of these animals receive. While the trainers no doubt love the animals, there is a very powerful force at work here: this is a multimillion dollar industry and there are corporate interests that could care less about the condition of the animals, as long as they are healthy enough to perform and rake in money. Sorry to sound cynical, but I assure you I have seen plenty of this with my own two eyes. Exotic animals in captivity are a cash cow, and people who know very little about animals often run the financial side of things. These people don’t care whether or not the animal is having a bad day or isn’t in the mood to perform-that animal WILL perform, no questions asked. So the animal that dragged the trainer to the bottom of the pool may have shown signs of aggression earlier in the day, but that would not have mattered. The show had to go on, and the money had to be made.
RELATED: Sad truth about orcas in captivity.

A photo of JGT that surfaced on the AP wire this morning has Johnny’s fiancee angry, as well as leaders of LA street gang the Crips. “Johnny’s fiancee, who finds him very attractive and thinks he has a great sense of humor, was not pleased when she saw photos of him seeming to enjoy a beer with another female after Tuesday night quizzo,” said a friend of the couple who asked not to be identified. “When she saw the photo, Johnny fiancee said that he had ‘humiliated himself’ and then called him a couple of names I’d rather not repeat. Johnny ran from the room crying like a little girl. His fiancee is furious, but she still finds Johnny very handsome and charming. She loves tie dye.”

Meanwhile, Lamar “Knuckles” Jackson of the Crips was not pleased with the photo either. “I am a big fan of Johnny’s website,” said Knuckles, who lives in Compton, CA. “I find it both informative and entertaining. But I am concerned by the fact that JGT seems to be a fan of our arch rivals, the Bloods. If you see Johnny,” Knuckles continued while pulling a sawed off shotgun out of his closet, “Please ask him to reconsider his affiliations. I hear Southwest is flying onto Philly these days, and their prices are very reasonable.”

Hope you have a great birthday, Dad!

As I reported, Philly Mag last month had a very impressive cover story about the murder rate in our city, and for a fair second I thought the Mag might actually start writing about stuff that people off the Main Line care about. Well, they nipped that notion in the bud, trotting out the lamest cliche in the book this month. A cover story on (are you ready for this?) Rocky. Whoa! But wait, it gets worse. I actually decided to give the story, written by GQ writer Andrew Corsello, a try. Big mistake, b/c a few paragraphs in, I came upon this: “You’re famous for your rotteness, you people.” Oh God, here we go…”You’re the ones who pelted Jimmy Johnson with snowballs.” Are we supposed to be ashamed of this? Jimmie Johnson is a douchebag, and if I saw him on a snowy street, I’d hit him with a snowball today. “You’re the ones who drove Mitch Williams to hermitude in Siberia or Katmandu or wherever he was sent to atone in silent prayer.” Siberia? Nice fact checking job. Yeah, we were so mean to Mitch that he moved all the way to South Jersey, where he lives now…“the ones who booed McNabb on draft day.” OK, so fair enough. That was stupid. Just end it there. You’ve got us beat, you made your point, just as long as you don’t bring up…”the ones who rained boos and snowballs on Santa at Franklin Field.” You did not just take it there. “Santa, for Christ’s sake!” Yes you did. Way to deliver a punchline that ESPN delivers every single friggin’ week. I guess you proved that Rocky isn’t the lamest cliche in the book. The Santa snowball debacle is. You miraculously outcliched your own story, which was almost impossible to do. I knew that the TV show Hack took place in Philadelphia, but I didn’t know it was based on your writing.