Yeah, we’re going to have a very special Holiday edition of the Wheel of Terrific tonight, followed by a showing of the Grinch cartoon on the big screen! After that they will also be showing Home Alone. The Wheel kicks off at 1003 Arch at 7:30 p.m., and then you’ll get to see the Grinch like you’ve never seen him before!
The Week that Was
We got the party started on Monday with Beerfest and I can honestly say that we had a blast. The Wheel of Terrific included beer bonging, a schwag beer taste test, and a very special appearance by Lindsay Lohan. It may have been the highest energy crowd we’ve ever had for the WOT, and it was awesome. The movie was actually a lot better than I thought it would be as well. Then, after the movie Ginger and I engaged some worthy opponents in a hard fought game of beer pong.
Continue reading to see the winners this week, the toughest questions of the week, and whether or not your team makes the bold print.
Killing the camel
Here is the opening paragraph of a story out of Turkey: A crew of mechanics at Istanbul’s airport were so glad to be rid of some trouble-prone British-made airplanes that they sacrificed a camel on the tarmac in celebration — prompting the firing Wednesday of their supervisor.
Isn’t it a miracle that every plane flying out of Istanbul hasn’t come crashing down to earth moments after take-off, when you consider that these Neanderthals who SACRIFICED A LIVE CAMEL ON THE TARMAC were the mechanics! Also, keep in mind that this is Istanbul, the metropolitan hub of the country. Can you imagine what they are sacrificing in the small villages? Gypsies? Finally, I can just can just imagine a sweet old American couple who have taken their first big overseas trip in a while sitting in the airplane as it coasts toward the tarmac, having just arrived in Istanbul.
Woman: Hey sweetie, my eyes are bad. Can you tell me what those gentlemen are doing over there?
Man: Hmmm, it’s hard to tell. Let me just get my binoculars. OK, let’s see…JESUS F****** C*****!!! These maniacs are sacrificing a live f****** camel! I told you we should have gone to Paris!”
Turkish officials fire airport chief mechanic over camel sacrifice.
AND SINCE WE’RE TALKIN’ ‘BOUT CAMELS Scouting out Camel Toads at the pool, the funniest letter to an advice columnist ever sent (sfw).
Tribute to AI
AI is like that girl that you wanna hate, that it makes total sense to hate, and all your friends think you should hate, but there is something about them that you just can’t help but love. Damn, we gonna miss you, Bubbachuck. (Lots of spine tinglers in this video. Sort of safe for work, but 2Pac drops a couple of cuss words in the songs, so be cautious.)
Santa Presents Around the Horn
–David Duke takes on Wolf Blitzer on CNN. At one point, David Duke actually says, “You can’t handle the truth.” In other news, David Duke apparently has a very firm grip on the truth.
-TO says, “Stop Snitchin’!”
-Santa News! First, a man curses out Santa at Plymouth Meeting mall. Second, the Running of the Santas is taking place this Saturday. Yeah, you heard me. The Running of the Freaking Santas. Damn, I love this city.
-Thursday With Ginger coming this afternoon.
The Fado rivalry continues
Now as you know, Johnny has long had a rivalry with Fado quizzo. And it just got a little hotter, as JGT decided to swing by Fado after the Black Sheep for a New York minute with Trivia Art Wednesday night. Once he arrived, he was informed that earlier in the evening, the quizzo host at Fado had stated, “Johnny Goodtimes sucks.” Since there has yet to be confirmation of the statement, JGT has elected to remain silent on the matter. Bobby Badtimes is expected to weigh in on the matter as part of his holiday address in the coming weeks.
But it was what happened as I prepared to leave that was really worth repeating (yeah, I just switched from the third to first person. I can do that. It’s my website.). Suddenly, this girl just walks up to me and says, “I told that guy that if he didn’t stop f****** with me I was going to tell my boyfriend,” this complete stranger says to me excitedly. “My boyfriend is in the Irish mob, and he will KILL you.” Noticing that my eyes got kind of big at this statement, she soothed me with, “Not you, this is what I told the guy who kept f****** with me.” She then bragged, “My boyfriend is in the Irish mob, and he has killed over 20 people since moving to America without getting caught, so I am not someone you want to mess with.” She then stormed off. As a public service, I would like to alert the local citizenry that there is apparently an Irishman in the city who has killed over 20 people here, and Lord knows how many he killed in his homeland before sailing over. Be wary of all Irishmen! If you see someone who looks Irish approaching, just start running and screaming, “Killer!!!” This should frighten them off.
Like Whoa
-Yeah, yesterday I wrote about the Junkyard Dog, and today I’m looking at birthdays and guesss who would be 54 today if they were still alive? Weird. Man, makes me wanna grab them cakes!
–Men do not think about sex every 8 seconds. That is an unfounded myth designed to make us look bad! We think about a lot of things other than sex. A random sampling of my thoughts over the past 8 seconds confirms this:
Bull riding is my new favorite sport; Hamburger Helper is delicious; I wonder what my fiancee is up to.
See, one about sports, one about food, and one about a person who is as nearly as dear to me as I am to her. And nothing about sex.
–Dr. Phil kicks the creator of Bumfights off his show. I hope that dude that created Bumfights drives off a bridge. A tall one, where he has a lot to think about before he hits the water.
-There is something weird going on here. I got up at 11 and now it’s almost one and there is no way I’ve been sitting here at this computer for two hours. Something is up, and it is unsettling.
What’s the best holiday gift you ever received?
What’s the best gift you ever got for Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, etc.? That’s a tough one for me. I remember one Christmas I spent the night at my grandad’s house on Christmas Eve and in the morning I received the Atari game Real Sports Football and was tortured b/c my Atari was at home and my grandad didn’t have one. But my sister got a chalkboard, so I commandeered that and spent the morning drawing up plays for my game. Which, considering the sophistication of computer football games back then, made about as much sense as drawing up plays for Pick Up Sticks. I also remember the year I got a Steve Bartkowski jersey. Seriously. That was pretty special. But probably the most memorable was when all I wanted for Christmas was a Junkyard Dog wrestling figure and Santa drove 100 miles away to find one, but the place didn’t have it, so Santa had to write me a poem explaining why I wouldn’t be getting Junkyard Dog that year. (I’ll ask my mom if she still has Santa’s poem stored somewhere. If so, I’ll be sure to post it.) Instead I just got a Rowdy Roddy Piper rasslin’ figure By itself. The Rowdy Roddy Piper figure did a lot of interviews that year, and occasionally had a “midget match” against GI Joe action figures. What about you? What was the best/most memorable holiday gift you ever received?
Malia and Popo present: Around the Horn
-New York always has to one up us, don’t they? Our Taco Bells serve bad onions, so they get a restaurant which serves polonium-310. Touche, NYC. Touche.
–What’s the big deal about Nicole Richie driving in the carpool lane? Who, in an effort to get somewhere on time, hasn’t pulled a “fast one” and slipped into the carpool lane for just a few minutes? High on Vicotin? Driving the wrong way?
-I’m still loving hot chicks with douchebags.
-Quick reminder: Carpe Diem, because no-one is promised tomorrow.
-Attention girl at the gym with the pretty eyes that I tried so pathetically to hit on today: If you are reading this, I want you to know that I’m not usually that big of a weirdo toolbag. Nevermind, yes I am. Damnit!
Tuesdays is Foobooz days
As many of you know, my good friend Trivia Art runs a popular local website called Foobooz, where he searches out the best food and drink deals in town. Every Tuesday, he’s gonna come on this website to talk about some of his favorite spots around town that are also a great deal. Here’s his first:
If you’re familiar with Foobooz at all, a guide to eating and drinking in Philadelphia you know it serves multiple masters. On one hand it aims for a place in the foodie’s heart, highlighting what’s new and coming soon on
Philadelphia’s dining scene as well as what’s creating the loudest buzz. On the other hand Foobooz is a frugal boozer’s good friend, putting the spotlight on drink deals around our fair city.
So for my first column on johnnygoodtimes.com, which master to server? Well luckily there are places like Little Fish and their Sunday night prix fixe dinner. Just $28 gets you five courses of excellent seafood, and since it’s a BYOB, no expensive liquor bill.