Scoreboard, brought to you by Damn Yankees

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O’NEALS

  1. We Got Nothin’ 92
  2. Young, Old, and Restless 90
  3. All Puffy Down There 88
  4. Ann Coulter is a Filthy **** 74

BARDS

  1. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 111
  2. Sofa Kingdom 94
  3. Pastafarians 92
  4. Western Omelette 88

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. The Jams 94
  2. But My Mom Says I’m Cool 81
  3. Philly Softcore 81
  4. First Date Disaster 75
  5. Crazy NOS 72

BLACK SHEEP

  1. The Dalembert Report 87
  2. Duane’s World 81
  3. Is That B-12 In My Butt Or Are Happy to See Me 70
  4. Weapons of Ass Destruction 65
  5. Choda Boy 64

GOOD DOG

  1. Fort Awesome 88
  2. Senior Ding Dong 81
  3. The Cracked Eggheads 80
  4. Team Pacer 77
  5. Howie Feltersnatch 60

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 118
  2. Western Omelette 112
  3. The Hurtin Bombs 94
  4. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 82
  5. I Can’t Believe We Actually Shaved for This 71

Week in Review

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We started on Tuesday with Ice Ice Baby, where walking was a dangerous proposition. Understandably, crowds were smallat both venues. To those of you who braved the elements to make it out: You are warriors and I love each and very one of you. Except Nate. At O’Neals, the We Got Nothin’ Guys continued their incredible run, edging Young, Old, and Restless, 92-90. SPeaking of a run, the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion is the hottest team in quizzo, crushing Sofa Kingdom and scoring 111 points for the 2nd straight week.

The Jams were shorthanded at the Vous, but a strange lack of regulars (No Bus, No 1022, No Trust Us, We Know, no Project Home squad. Come back guys, I missed you!) meant that they were able to escape unscathed with a 94-81 win over Philly Softcore. New blood at the Black Sheep, as The Dalembert Report held off Duane’s Minions, 87-81. Smackdown put on an impressive performance (not in quizzo) as three guys from Paris hit on her for hours.

On to the Good Dog for the first leg of the Lonely Hearts Club quizzo. And wouldn’t you know it, my ex-girlfriends team, Team Awesome, pulled off a win in the V-Day quizzo. It was Team Awesome’s third win in 5 weeks. Perhaps they have become the first team to beat at the Dog since the MAGMA-Evil Knieval days. Highlight of the night at the Good Dog: When I played Mr. Big, everybody started singing along. When I stopped playing the song, everybody kept singing. Amazed, I cracked, “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so white.” Not missing a beat, Moose, the only black guy in the room, stated: “Neither have I.”

Questions on Thursday night were all about heartbreak and bad love songs. Sofa Kingdom apparently knows a lot about both. They missed the first question of the Bards quiz, then rattled off 39 consecutive answers to finish with the 2nd highest score ever, a 118.

A Valentine’s Day Miracle

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No, I did not get a date. Something even more miraculous than that happened. I got home last night and read the following email from my good friend from back home, Mary (above, who I made deal with while a teenager that we are supposed to get married to if we are both still single at age 35. So far, so good.) I thought you guys might enjoy it:
I was walking my dogs by the river and train tracks and one of my dogs, Dr. Stevens (below, in red shirt), got hit by a train…. and SURVIVED! He lost his tail; it was ripped from his body, but he is in surgery and it seems he doesn’t have any internal damage. The whole thing was a living nightmare but now I’m so thankful I just have to tell this story.
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I was up on the tracks with my other dog Nurse Hazel. Dr. Stevens was not far behind us, but NOT on the tracks. We were near a bend and a train came around from what seemed like “out of nowhere”. There was plenty of time to get down though. I went down and Nurse followed but Dr. Stevens went up on the tracks where we had just been instead of coming with us!!! There’s no way to ever know WHY… but he did. There was still some time for him to get down. I started calling him and running towards him because I was getting worried. He was running in the same direction that the train was heading. He just kept running but wouldn’t turn off the tracks left or right. I think he was scared. The Train started laying on the horn. He just freaked and didn’t get off the tracks. I watched the whole train roll right over him for what seemed like five minutes straight! It seemed like the longest train I’d ever seen! Finally it was gone. I was in hysterics by now. I thought he was dead; after what I’d just seen I could not imagine that there was even a chance he was going to be alive. I threw Nurse Hazel in my car and as I started the walk up to the tracks to see what was left of him when I couldn’t believe my eyes… he was trying to get up! He was alive!!! I ran to him and saw blood and thought he was internally wounded. I was crying so hard by this point because I thought he was gonna die in my arms. He was silent. He never made a sound at all. I held him and realized he was maybe ok…
Then Dave and Kris arrived, I had called them in a panic after the train had passed. They came up on the tracks and said “OH MY GOD… there’s his tail!” Sure enough about 20 feet down the track there it was! We grabbed the tail and scooped up Doctor and raced to the vet. They sent us to the emergency vet clinic and I just now got word that he is doing well. He made it through surgery and is gonna be just fine in about 10 to 15 days! It’s a Valentines miracle! I am soooo happy that he is alive and this is such a crazy story that I had to share it! He’s gonna look a little funny but now everyone else will be able to tell them apart! I’m a very lucky and thankful girl tonight and Doctor is one lucky dog! P.S. I saved the tail!

Around the Horn, Brought to you by Ugueth Urbina’s hat

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