Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest Deadline Today!

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The Deadline for the First Annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest is today at 11:59 p.m. Be sure to get your entries in by then! I’ve gotten some great ones so far, and I’d love to get a few more. Winner gets two tix to the Academy of Natural Sciences and a $20 gift certificate to the Bards. Send your entries in by emailing them to me. I won’t add your email address to my mailing list (unless you want me to.) I’m way too lazy for that. By the way, I just thought of a new one:

Landon, light of my life, fire of my loins.

Scoreboard, Brought to you by Milton Berle and Statler and Waldorf

O’NEALS

  1. We Got Nothin’ 91
  2. Young Old Restless 90
  3. EPM 78
  4. Mike Hunt’s Clam Juice 74
  5. My Dacky Wears Adidas 58

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 110
  2. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 105
  3. Bring Back RJ Swindle 97
  4. This is my first time…Be Gentle 95
  5. The Homosexual Agenda 84

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. Trust Us We Know 105
  2. Spongebob 89
  3. 1022 85
  4. The jams 83
  5. You Can Put Lipstick on Barack… 70

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Duane’s World 108
  2. TO Has BO 106
  3. Axis of Evil Knieval 104
  4. CatDog 99
  5. Doc Eison’s Leisure Time Products 98

GOOD DOG

  1. Double D List Celebrities 93
  2. Oakwood Rectal Exam 91
  3. C+ Average 74
  4. Team Ketchup 73
  5. Balls in an Urn 54

BARDS

  1. Sofa Kingdom 109
  2. The Lord Cometh…Twice 91
  3. Stop Being a B***** 83
  4. Almost as Good As Bad Sex 82
  5. 3’s Company, 4’s a Crowd 78

First Annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest Continues

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The entries to the first annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest have been pouring in, and let me be perfectly honest: they are hilarious. I want more! Please send your entries in today so I have something to read over the weekend! You may enter as many times as you want. Deadline is this Monday at 5 p.m. Winner gets two tix to Natural Science Museum and a $20 gift certificate to the Bards.

Johnny responds to the Haters

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Philebrity posted something about the column I wrote in yesterdays Metro, blasting some of my picks. Which is all fine and good. The sole reason of writing a column like that (to read the column, click here) is to spark some light-hearted debate. But he took a few liberal swipes at quizzo which need to be addressed. Early on, he writes: Quizzo is f****** unbearable. (Since when is going into a bar and drinking and bullshitting simply not enough.) Even more unbearable, however are the lumpen hordes who make quizzo their weekly hobby/habit, at the expense of actually having a real conversation…

Wow, where to begin? First of all, “the Philebrity team” finds quizzo unbearable without ever having played my quizzo. Don’t hate the playa if you’ve never played his game. Since when is going into a bar and bullshitting simply not enough? The statement is nothing short of preposterous, coming from a website whose entire ad revenue comes from places trying to get you to go to a bar and listen to bands and DJs. Why isn’t going into a bar and bullshitting simply enough on those nights? There is plenty of real conversation at quizzo. It may not be about some crappy indie band that sounds exactly like that other indie band that was hot last year, and so the convo may therefore be indecipherable to you, but it is conversation nonetheless. He goes on: it’s just that, if you ask us, this is no kind of job for a grown-ass man. This coming from a man in his mid 30s whose chief source of income is blogging. Industry rule #4080: A hustler should never knock the hustle.

Part of quizzo’s success is that it hasn’t been dragged down by the insufferable tight jean wearing whiners who have no sense of humor and dress like circus clowns. There were plenty of them that used to come to our shows at the Trocadero, and let me be honest: they were the least interesting and least fun people I have ever met. So please continue to blast quizzo, as your efforts as King of the Hipsters will continue to keep those miserable scarf wearing rock star wannabees away. And for that I thank you.