The Scoreboard, brought to you by Titanic 2

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O’NEALS

  1. Archie Hamburger’s Blowback Chicken Army 100
  2. Young, the Old, and the Restless 97
  3. We Got Nothin’ 92
  4. Team Fruit Cup 90
  5. Dorksided 84

BARDS

  1. Western Omelette 106
  2. Sofa Kingdom 104
  3. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 98
  4. Last NIght I Had a Dream 83
  5. MAD Cobra 77

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

  1. Sweep the Leg, Johnny 104
  2. The Jams 100
  3. Jackalope 94
  4. Buy My Mom Says I’m Cool 81
  5. Philly Hardcore 79

BLACK SHEEP

  1. Eschaton 110
  2. Fine Young Cannibals 91
  3. The Dalembert Report 91
  4. Hot Karl and the Mints 89
  5. Catdog 86

GOOD DOG

  1. Fort Awesome 99
  2. The Underachievers 74
  3. The Human Fund 62
  4. Uh Hi Sarah 56
  5. Ramrod 55

BARDS

  1. Western Omelette 115
  2. Sofa Kingdom 103
  3. Hurtin Bombs 100
  4. Lee Carvello 91
  5. Bizarre Gardening Accident 81

English as She is Spoke

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Just came across this and thought you guys might enjoy it. The book was English as She is Spoke, and it was written by a guy named Pedro Carolino in the 19th century. The author didn’t speak English, or have a Portuguese-English dictionary, but he did have a Portuguese-French dictionary and a French-English dictionary, so he just put 2 and 2 together. Needless to say, the results were astounding, and Pedro Carolino is basically the Ed Wood of the dictionary world. Of this book, Mark Twain said, “Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.” Here are a few “idiotisms”, as they were called in the book.

  • In the country of blinds, the one eyed man are kings.
  • Few, few the bird make her nest.
  • Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss.
  • A horse bared don’t look him the tooth.
  • To craunch the marmoset.
  • The stone as roll not heap up not foam.
  • Keep the chestnut of the fire with the cat foot.
  • Burn the politeness.
  • Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup.

It also provided some good translations of various sentences. First is the Portuguese, followed by the correct translation (in italics), followed by the English as She Is Spoke translation.)
Zombo deles; o meu navio é armado em guerra, tenho equipagem vigilante e animosa; e as munições não me faltam.
I laugh at them; my ship is armed for war; I have an alert and courageous crew, and I have plenty of ammunition.
ES: I jest of them; my vessel is armed in man of war, i have a vigilant and courageous equipage, and the ammunitions don’t want me its.

Este lago parece-me bem piscoso. Vamos pescar para nos divertirmos.
This lake looks full of fish to me. Let’s have some fun fishing.
ES: That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.

Vamos mais depressa. Nunca vi pior besta. Não quer andar, nem para diante, nem para trás.
Let’s go faster. I never saw a worse animal. It doesn’t want to go either forward or backward.
ES: Go us more fast never i was seen a so much bad beast; she will not nor to bring forward neither put back.

Barriga cheia, cara alegre.
A full stomach makes for a content face.
ES: After the paunch comes the dance.
RELATED: More info on English as She Is Spoke.

Cuban Cliff’s Notes

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Cuba’s been in the news a lot lately, due to the fact that Fidel is stepping down. Here’s a few things you might wanna know about the place:

  • It was the first island discovered by Columbus. He immediately enslaved and killed most of the indiginous population (especially the ones who resisted Christianity), and within a century almost all of the native population had been destroyed by the Spanish.
  • Cuba was a Spanish possession from 1511-1898.
  • In 1848, James Polk commissioned his ambassador to Spain to offer them $100 million for the island, but the Spaniards refused the offer.
  • Cuba’s national hero is a poet named Jose Marti, who was a leader of the movement which resulted in Cuba’s independence in 1898.
  • Remember the Maine! To Hell With Spain! The sinking of the USS Maine is one of the original conspiracy theories. Donspiracist, can you clear this up for us?
  • An American, Charles Magoon, was appointed of governor of Cuba and retained his position as leader of the supposedly independent nation three years (1906-1908).
  • Fulgencio Batista was running a distant third in the 1952 elections when he decided to just say the hell with it and staged a coup, becoming leader by force.
  • In 1956, hundreds of Cuban officers attempted a coup against Batista. It failed, but the result was that the army was weak when Castro staged his coup a couple of years later.
  • As is depicted in Godfather 2, there were a lot of casinoes in Cuba before the Revolution, almost all of them owned by the US Mob.
  • Thousands of Batista backers were executed by Castro following the coup.
  • Most cars in Cuba are US 1950s models, which are called yank tanks. They have usually been modified to accept replacement engines.
  • The Mariel boatlift, depicted in Scarface, was a diabolically sharp maneuver by Castro in 1980 to rid his country of criminals and malcontents.
  • The Cuban government still regularly imprisons journalists who question the direction of the country.
  • Cuba has one of the highest literacy rates in the world, as 99.8 of it’s people are literate.
  • According the WHO, Cuba and Canada have the lowest infant mortality rates in the Americas. Life expectancy in Cuba is similar to that in the US. Doctors in Cuba make $15 a month.

William Buckley quotes and writings

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  • Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could.
  • Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views.
  • The central question that emerges…is whether the White community in the South is entitled to take such measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and culturally, in areas where it does not predominate numerically? The sobering answer is Yes—the White community is so entitled because, for the time being, it is the advanced race.
  • Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.
  • I’d rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University.
  • (Of George W. Bush): If you had a European prime minister who experienced what we’ve experienced, it would be expected that he would retire or resign.
  • A Conservative is a fellow who is standing athwart history yelling “Stop!”
  • I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.

Toughest questions from last week

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  1. Joaquim Phoenix played Commodus in Gladiator. True or False: Commodus was an actual Roman emperor who fought in gladiatorial events.
  2. What is Daisy’s last name in the Great Gatsby?
  3. This Philadelphia Eagle led the team to two championships and his #15 is retired by the organization.
  4. Stanford White designed the 2nd incarnation of this famous edifice, then was shot and killed in it’s rooftop garden.
  5. Who was the only 20th century president to not get a college degree?
  6. Which of these players scored the most points while they were a member of the 76ers?
    a) Charles Barkley b) Allen Iverson c) Julius Erving d) Wilt Chamberlain
  7. This street in San Francisco, which share a name with a Philly street,is known as the crookedest street in the world.
  8. Formerly known as the Bank of America Tower, the Columbia Center, a 967 foot tall buiding made of granite, is what cities tallest building?
  9. The first one of these books was issued in February of 1878.
  10. Under what president did John Foster Dulles serve as Secretary of State?

Continue reading “Toughest questions from last week” →

Automatons Thrown into Disarray!

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Starbucks is going to close for three hours today. If this upsets you, I hear that there are some great rental properties in Manayunk. You should look into them. Oh, and Applebee’s now has karaoke on Thursdays. Just thought you might be interested. Also, a quick reminder: Starbucks has been named Philly’s Best Coffee by Philly Style Mag for two years running. As for my picks: I like Beauty Shop Cafe at 20th and Fitzwater, La Colombe at 19th and Walnut, Mugshots at 21st and Fairmount, and La Va at 21st and South.

Hooray for Ralph Nader

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Here they come again.The Nader haters, crying about how Nader is going to screw things up again. I don’t think Nader will get a lot of votes this year, especially if Obama wins the nomination. I voted for Nader in 2000, and will vote for him again if Hillary makes a comeback. I don’t think that if Obama wins he should enter the race. But I appreciate his hutzpah. Nader has proven himself more of a man of the people than any of the other 3 candidates, and isn’t that what a president supposed to be? On top of that, who are the Democrats to think that a two party system is their Constitutional right? I think the Founding Fathers would welcome more than two trains of thought, especially when the two ruling parties are at all time lows in terms of popularity with the American people. Of course, the media seeks conflict, not substance, so every story you read about Nader will be about his role as spoiler, not about his bringing to the table major topics such as corporate malfeasance and the situation in Israel and Palestine.

Also, I am a man who enjoys entertainment, Nader will certainly bring that to the table. My hope is that he makes Ron Paul his running mate. That would make this the greatest election in the history of mankind, and we’d see more blimps than we’ve seen since that fateful day in 1937.
RELATED: Huffington Post has a good story about why Ralph running is a mistake.