Japanese citizens are forced to watch this before taking a trip to Philadelphia.

I know you guys turn to this website for one reason: the Facts. Most blogs out there are full of knuckleheads self righteously throwing around their two cents worth w/o sticking to the cold hard facts. But not me. Nope, everything I post on here is only written after careful consideration and exhaustive fact checking. But yesterday I was fleeced. A news story that appeared in a trusted Australian publication about sheep being sold as dogs in Japan turned out to be a hoax. And so I apologize for once giving you bad information. I take my job as a relayer of all that is Fair and Balanced very seriously, and I ASSURE that there will never be a mistake on this website again.

This is downright hilarious. A scam in Japan resulted in hundreds of Japanese people buying sheep because they thought they were poodles. The story contains this incredible line: One couple said they became suspicious when they took their “dog” to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves.
What? The Japanese, who are known for their technological prowess, are only “suspicious” when they discover that their pet dog has hooves? And did the vet they took the “poodle” to not recognize that it was a sheep? Of course, the best part is that poodles totally suck and sheep are kind of funny, so these people were better off with sheep anyway.

It’s noon on Monday, and you need something to get you through the second half of you day. I think this may do the trick (Warning: The volume on this thing is way too loud, so turn the volume down). Alright, Art and I are off to get some pizza. Me and D-Mac had some on Friday, and when he gives me his 2 cents I’ll let you know how it was.
NOTE: When I posted this, I honestly had no idea he just died. Someone just sent me an email with him dancing in it. That being said, though, Boris always struck me as a pretty fun loving guy, and I don’t think he’d mind being honored by posting his dance moves.

Ok, so this is weird, and I’m kind of wondering it it’s true. There is a politician in India named Adolf Lu Hitler Marak. He is in the state of Maghalaya. While reading about him, I came to this sentence, “It may be noted that his name is not particularly curious within Meghalaya, where other local politicians are named Lenin R. Marak, Stalin L. Nangmin, Frankenstein W. Momin, or Tony Curtis Lyngdoh.” Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Frankenstein, Tony Curtis. A five headed hydra of evil, if you ask me.

Do you think any couples in Seattle are making this offer for playoff tickets? Nooooooo.

I was sitting in my neighborhood coffee shop, checking to see if any cute girls had contacted me on Myspace*** when I received an urgent message from Trivia Art, which read simply, “Naked Chicks on Walnut Street, Noon Today.” Being a responsible local journalist, I hopped into the Quizmobile and headed to Walnut Street in a flash. You see, these weren’t just naked chicks, these were PETA naked chicks, protesting burberry out in front of the burberry store. Now, I have long protested burberry, because burberry is the Hummer of clothing patterns, worn by rich people with no personality to show other rich people with no personality that they can afford it.

Where was I? Oh yes, so I decided to go to PETA’s protest because I hate burberry and because I think it is terrible that animals are tortured to make these stupid scarves. I also went because I wanted to see boobies. Well, the ladies were cute but they weren’t totally naked, and to make matters worse, they had a giant sign over their boobies. Something about fur being bad, etc. Anyways, the point here is that fur is terrible and that when somebody says that there are naked chicks on Walnut Street and you are a creepy enough guy (like me!) to go check it out, expect to be somewhat disappointed.
Related: bloodyburberry.com

***the answer was no. Cute girls never contact me on Myspace. The only person who ever contacts me on Myspace is Chip Chantry, grumbling about how cute girls never contact him on Myspace.

Here is the opening paragraph of a story out of Turkey: A crew of mechanics at Istanbul’s airport were so glad to be rid of some trouble-prone British-made airplanes that they sacrificed a camel on the tarmac in celebration — prompting the firing Wednesday of their supervisor.

Isn’t it a miracle that every plane flying out of Istanbul hasn’t come crashing down to earth moments after take-off, when you consider that these Neanderthals who SACRIFICED A LIVE CAMEL ON THE TARMAC were the mechanics! Also, keep in mind that this is Istanbul, the metropolitan hub of the country. Can you imagine what they are sacrificing in the small villages? Gypsies? Finally, I can just can just imagine a sweet old American couple who have taken their first big overseas trip in a while sitting in the airplane as it coasts toward the tarmac, having just arrived in Istanbul.

Woman: Hey sweetie, my eyes are bad. Can you tell me what those gentlemen are doing over there?
Man: Hmmm, it’s hard to tell. Let me just get my binoculars. OK, let’s see…JESUS F****** C*****!!! These maniacs are sacrificing a live f****** camel! I told you we should have gone to Paris!”
Turkish officials fire airport chief mechanic over camel sacrifice.
AND SINCE WE’RE TALKIN’ ‘BOUT CAMELS Scouting out Camel Toads at the pool, the funniest letter to an advice columnist ever sent (sfw).

A lot of people asked me about flagpole sting after last night’s question, “What fad was Shipwreck Kelly the king of?” There were tons of people climbing flag poles back then, so it must have been kool to look up and just see a bunch of people perched like birds all over the landscape as you made you way to work. Anyways, here is the best write up on it I could find.

Ancient Romans used urine as mouthwash, and Portuguese Urine was considered to be primo, only used by aristocrats. What’s more, it actually worked! Urine contains ammonia, which is still used in dental products. Here’s the lowdown.