I was sitting in my neighborhood coffee shop, checking to see if any cute girls had contacted me on Myspace*** when I received an urgent message from Trivia Art, which read simply, “Naked Chicks on Walnut Street, Noon Today.” Being a responsible local journalist, I hopped into the Quizmobile and headed to Walnut Street in a flash. You see, these weren’t just naked chicks, these were PETA naked chicks, protesting burberry out in front of the burberry store. Now, I have long protested burberry, because burberry is the Hummer of clothing patterns, worn by rich people with no personality to show other rich people with no personality that they can afford it.
Where was I? Oh yes, so I decided to go to PETA’s protest because I hate burberry and because I think it is terrible that animals are tortured to make these stupid scarves. I also went because I wanted to see boobies. Well, the ladies were cute but they weren’t totally naked, and to make matters worse, they had a giant sign over their boobies. Something about fur being bad, etc. Anyways, the point here is that fur is terrible and that when somebody says that there are naked chicks on Walnut Street and you are a creepy enough guy (like me!) to go check it out, expect to be somewhat disappointed.
***the answer was no. Cute girls never contact me on Myspace. The only person who ever contacts me on Myspace is Chip Chantry, grumbling about how cute girls never contact him on Myspace.