An outrage has followed last nights quizzo at Nick’s Roast Beef. I Want My M-Tit-V won with the only 100 point contest of the week, but the buzz was about the halftime show. At the conclusion of a duo between he and Janet Jackson, Johnny Goodtimes ripped off her bra, exposing her nipple. “For this to happen twice in four days is just ridiculous,” said CBS spokesman Randolph McDanolph. CBS was covering Quizzo live at the time of the incident, and just over 70 million were tuned in. Goodtimes was flabbergasted. “Seriously, this time it was a wardrobe malfunction. She was actually supposed to rip my pants off, but when she reached over to do that, her bra fell off. It’s really just a huge coincidence.” McDanolph added that live TV programming is just too risky, so CBS will be going off the air for good next Wednesday, and concentrating on radio programming.

Sloe Gin Quiz was able to fight off I’m Gonna Have You Naked by the End of This Round in exciting fashion on Monday at Doc Watson’s, 99-98. The squad was then able to recruit two cuties for the victory photo. “It wasn’t hard. We told them we were a boy band,” said Rex Pocahantes. “We obviously look like one.”

Who is Robert Morvillo?

You Better Have My Cheez Whiz, led by Howard Dean, won at Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night, but might have damaged their campaign when they allowed Dean to provide an impromptu stump speech at the conclusion of the contest. “After this, we’re going to Doc Watson’s,” the Democratic hopeful screamed, almost maniacally. “Then we’re going to O’Neals, and we’re going to the Bards, and we’re going to win it at Rendezvous, and win at Black Sheep, and then we’ll come back and win at Nick’s again!!!Waaaaaaaaaaaa!

A team calling itself “One Outta Two Ain’t Bad NASA” won on Monday at Doc Watson’s, leaving NASA incensed. The space agency quickly sent a third rover, this one named “Enforcer,” to the bar. It arrived shortly after the contest ended and zapped team leader Lars Lieberman, killing him instantly. “I can’t believe NASA would act in such a heartless manner,” said team member Stacy Wordsworth. “I mean, we were just kind of playing around with the team name. If we had known it would lead to death and destruction, we probably would have picked a name like the Ponies or something.” NASA faces a $500 fine from the Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee.

The Election of 1800 ended in an electoral college tie between what two men?

What? You think I forgot to take a picture of “Is That a Barnacle” on Monday after they won Quizzo at Doc Watson’s and just used an old photo of them winning from another bar? Are you out of your mind? That’s ridiculous. Johnny Goodtimes is an infallible pro, and your insinuation that I would make such a stupid mistake fills me with anger. I’m going to have to ask you to leave the room.

The Staff was able to hold off the Nation of Quizlam on Wednesday night at Nick’s Roast Beef. Club 501 finished third. Usually, Nick’s offers a $50 gift certificate for the winner. But in an effort to up the ante even further, Johnny has announced that next week’s winner will go home with a brand new car!**

**This is a lie.

Who was QB the last time the Eagles won an NFL championship?

A powerful blizzard blew into Nick’s Roast Beef on Wednesday night, making conditions miserable for the players. “I could barely see my paper,” said Jacques Juicetoe of the second place Flying Monkeys. But Mr. Wahn was able to fight through the miserable conditions and rack up 98 points. “They should really think about putting a retractable dome on this place,” said Chase Halliburton of the Mr. Wahn squad. “I mean my cheese fries were delicious as always, but all that snow made them a little soggy.”