Well, if Britney thought she could out-psycho Lindsay this week, she had another thing coming. I mean, Britney may have had a mental meltdown, but Lindsay Lohan carjacked somebody, then in a coke fueled rage drove 80 mph through a 25 mph zone hoping to murder her assistant. Then she told the officers that the horrified black guy in the backseat had been driving. A-HA! Just as I suspected. The black guy! The black guy probably put the coke in her pants, forced her to take shots of liquor against her will, and was driving her to a dog fight! It all makes sense now! Anyways, I changed up last nights 50/50 round a little, and threw long time coke whore favorite Paris Hilton into the mix. It’s time for Name that Coke Whore: Lindsay, Paris, or Britney. Let’s see how you do:
1) Her father served time for securities fraud
2) Grew up in the Bronx
3) Was in the movie Raising Helen
4) Collaborated with Fat Joe and Jadakiss on a song
5) Appeared on Will and Grace
6) Has a sister named Aliana
7) Was in a girl group called Innosense
8) Hosted 2004 MTV Music Awards
9) Won a Razzie for Worst Actress
10) Was Named Celebrity Role Model of 2006 in a poll conducted by the AP

Continue reading “Let’s play…Name that coke whore!” →

Gonna post pics of last weeks winners on the website. Since there is now a new world’s tallest building, we’re gonna ask questions about skyscrapers. One guess per person.

We kick it off on Tuesday, where This Dildo Tastes Funny came from behind in the final round to knock off Dork SIded, 97-93. On to the Bards, where the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion won for the 4th time in 5 weeks to, dare I say it, become the team to beat in Tuesday night quizzo at the Bards. They carried an 11 point lead into the final round and held on to kick the Kingdom, 99-94.

On to Wednesday, where Todd the Wet Sprocket collected the $20 bounty, busting out the Jams, 107-102. Going into the match, the Jams had won an incredible 13 out of 15. But the Sprockets have talked about possibly forming a regular team, so hopefully we’ll get a good rivalry going at the Vous.

Had our first double digit win at the Black Sheep, as Duane’s World won their 3rd straight match, 106-95, over Yes You Can’t. Another win for Duane’s World next week and we might be talking bounty. We’ll see.

No bounties at the Good Dog, where a mad power struggle continues to play itself out, and there are, incredibly, some open tables. After months of complaints over not being able to get a seat, the last month has been pretty daggone quiet. This week, it was Lady BIrd Lives knocking off Steve O. and the Ketchup Bottle (a team that consisted of Steve O. and a ketchup bottle), 101-87.

On to the Bards, where I was convinced, after question #5 of the impossible round, that the Kingdom was gonna collect their 2nd perfect score ever. I had thought I could stump them on give me first and last names of th eSPice Girls, but they knew them all, and I didn’t think my last 5 questions were that tough. But question #7, “WHat Nazi leader parachuted into Scotland in 1942 and spent the next 45 years in prison?” stumped them, and they had to settle for a 114-102 win over Crazy For Swayze. The defending champs, the Hurtin Bombs, finished in 3rdwith a 101.

Remember when George Bush’s buddy Ted Haggard would tell his flock about how God hated homosexuals and that they didn’t deserve to have rights, all the while he was scoring meth from male hookers and doling out hummers? Irony is fun. Anyway, remember the male prostitute who dimed him out? Yeah, well he hosted a round of quizzo in Denver at one of the bars where my man John (who I did a round for last year) hosted quizzo. And I must warn you: this is a fairly uneasy read, as the questions are very, um, graphic. EXTREMELY GRAPHIC. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Hey gang, throwing $20 bonus at any team that can knock off the 5 time defending champs the Jams at the Locust Rendezvous tonight.

Here are the questons from Friday’s quizzo:
Round One
1. Martin Luther King delivered his I have a dream speech on the steps of what monument in DC?
2. Fill in the blank of this old rhyme: apple pie without the ________ is like a kiss w/o a squeeze.
3. What planet is Superman from?
4. In Philly, you’ll find famous examples of this type of Americana at 1501 Snyder Avenue, 219 South 17th Street, and at 5th and Spring Garden.
5. This artist and illustrator was often derided for being too sentimental and idealistic, but his later works dealing with racism, including the haunting “The Problem We All Live With”, garnered him universal acclaim.
6. WHo played Lieutenet Dan in Forrest Gump?
7. Who composed the following?
8. Who was the winning lawyer in Brown vs. the Board of Education?
9. After bombing onstage at the Grand Ole Opry in 1954 , this truck driver turned musician from Tupelo MIssissippi was told by the Opry manager, “Boy, you’d better keep driving that truck.”
10. How long is four score seven years?

Round Two List 10 (of the 14) vice presidents who later went on to become presidents.

Round Three Name that artist or group:
1. Proud to be an AMerican
2. American Woman
3. American Girl
4. Banned in the USA
5. American Pie
6. American Idiot
7. Name the artist and the person who appeared to sing it in the video: I Am a Real American
8. Young Americans
9. Back in the USA
10. American Music

Round Four
1. 1. Joseph Glidden patented this in 1874, and it had changed the landscape of the Wild West by the end of the century. What was it?
2. Who was Secretary of State during Clinton’s first term?
3. Jackie Robinson earned four varsity letters in college. What west coast school did he attend?
4. What book was prefaced by the author with the lines: “Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.”
5. What two Sioux leaders crushed Custer in the Battle of Little Bighorn?
6. In 1964, this 63 year old artist became the oldest to ever hit number one on the Billboard charts.
7. This wild west artist didn’t produce razors or star in an 80s detective show.
8. The first women’s rights convention took place in what town in 1848?
9. After the title, what are the first seven words of the Declaration of Independence?
***10. Of the 42 delegates at the constitutional convention, how many signed it?
a) 37 B) 39 C) 41 D) All of them

Continue reading “Constitution Center Quizzo Questions” →

Under the pics of last weeks winners I will supply a question about the July 16th birthday boy: Corey Feldman! One guess per person. No cheating!

The week started on Monday with the birth of my 8 pound, 20 inch niece, Lucia Marie Sullivan. I smoked a celebratory cigar with my dad and brother in law on Tuesday morning, then drove back to Philly to get the quizzo week under way. Let’s face it, the questions on Tuesday and Wednesday were as tough as I have ever asked, and scores were pretty low. But before we get to quizzo, I gotta make sure that those of you who haven’t already read about Willie Gee getting fired at the thrift store do so, and read the ensuing comments section, as numerous people from the Eastern Shore challenge Palestra Jon to a fight.

We got back in the swing of things tuesday night, as the Young, the Old, and the Restless scored a 92 to cruise past the competition at O’Neals, and the Sofa Kingdom finally ended their longest schneid ever, winning for the first time in over a month with an easy 95-80 win over Narkotyzing.

LadyBird Has Flown the Coop (aka the Jams) knocked off Steve O and D-Macs team, Easy Round My Ass, 88-82, at the Vous. It was the Jams 5th straight win. I feel a bounty coming on. Duane’s World posted a 96-90 win over Toxic Megacolon at the Black Sheep.

A strange night at the Good Dog. We had a nice sized crowd, but I don’t know if I recognized a single player. A lot of new blood at the Dawg, and Nazakhstan came away with a 92-88 win over Salt ‘N’ Pepa.

On to the Bards, where the Hurtin Bombs missed 2 of the first 6 questions and then did not miss another one to knock off the Kingdom, 116-101. My ex-girlfriends team (The Birfday Squad) finished 4th with 91. We also saw our lowest score of the week, a 33 by I’d Rather Be Drinking at Drinker’s. Pics of winners, toughest questions of the week, and results of Constitution quizzo coming Monday.

Will get the Week in Review done manana. Gotta get to work on this American quiz at the Constitution Center. Again, the details are: Exclusive tour at 6 p.m., quizzo at 6:30 p.m. It will be a quizzo with lots of Americana and such. It does cost $12 to get into the museum but after that the quizzo is free. They will be selling booze and light snacks. Each member of the winning team will walk with a $20 gift certificate to the Stephen Starr restaurant of their choice. 2nd place gets free movie passes to the Ritz 5. We’ll be done around 8-8:30ish. Hope to see ya there!

The first of the three US History quizzos I’ll be hosting at the National Constitution Center will be tommorrow night at 6:30 p.m. It should be a lot of fun. You have to pay the regular fee to get into the museum, but the quizzo is free. Each member of the winning team is gonna get a $20 gift certificate to the Stephen Starr restaurant of their choice (team size max is 8), and 2nd place will get free movie passes to the Ritz 5. Not too shabby. Here is the press release:
JOHNNY GOODTIMES TO HOST THREE QUIZZOS AT NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER

(Philadelphia) – Philadelphia’s only true man of leisure will be taking time out from his life of idle tranquility to host three U.S. history themed quizzos as part of the Happy Hour With the Founders event at the National Constitution Center (525 Arch Street), with the first quizzo occurring on Friday the 13th of July. The quizzo is part of the Historic Philadelphia Nights series, as the Constitution Center will be staying open until 8 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays on most weekends of the summer to offer dance lessons, exclusive tours, and bands in addition to quizzo.

Goodtimes, who has performed at the Palestra and the Franklin Institute in the past, is particularly excited about this one. “I am a big US history buff, and am looking forward to challenging the good people of the most historic city in the United States to quizzos that will cover all aspects of the American experience, from Presidents to athletes to rock stars.” There are rumors that Goodtimes will be dressing himself in colonial garb for the events, but Goodtimes says that these are just “Scandalous lies perpetrated by my enemies.”

The Historic Summer Nights series begins on July 13, at 5 p.m. At 6:00 p.m.and 7:00 p.m., the Center will be offering a scandalous “Lurid Lives of the Founders” tour , which will let you know which of the Founding Fathers were lovers, gamblers, and schemers. Quizzo will begin at 6:30 p.m., shortly after conclusion of the 6:00 p.m. tour of “Scandalous Lives”. Quizzo and the “Lurid Lives” tour are free with regular Museum admission. For more information, go to www.johnnygoodtimes.com or call Johnny at (215) 327-4191.