The President of Tony Blair’s Irish Fan Club and team member of Track and Field Jesus Liam Snodgrass celebrated his birthday on Tuesday. Anybody else who has a birthday coming up, be sure to contact Johnny, and I’ll put you on the website.

To read the critics blasting Johnny, click here and scroll down to Thursday’s entry. Hit “comments” to read Johnny’s response.

If you’re interested in being the next Johnny Goodtimes, you must sign up today. Thus far there are four people in the contest. Several people who have told me they’re interested have not yet signed up. Hit contact Johnny on the right and send me an email. You must be free on Tuesday thru Thursday nights for three weeks in August. The contest is open to both females and males, as well as hot, sexy shemales. The pay is pretty damn good. On Friday, you will be given your first assignment. You also need to be free to tryout at a variety of quizzos over the next two weeks. I am not sure how to spell quizzo when it’s pluralized. Quizzos or quizzoes? Judging will be determined online and by the Johnny Goodtimes Parliament (above), a group, formed in the 1740’s, that determines all decisions of this magnitude.

Johnny is hoping to leave the country next month, but first he needs to find a suitable replacement for quizzo. Wanna earn a little extra scratch and be a B-level celebrity for a few weeks? Send me an e-mail if you’re interested, and we’ll see if you have what it takes to be a man (or woman) of leisure.

Johnny learned a valuable lesson last friday: never trust a crackhead, especially with your laundry. When Johnny told the neighborhood crackhead he’d pay him if he would do some laundry for him, he truly didn’t think the man would run off with his clothers and $8 in quarters. Yet that was friday, and Johnny has not seen his clothes (or his quarters) since. If you see a white basket filled with clothes anywhere in the city, please let Johnny know. Thanks. (By the way, I spelled laundry “landry” by accident when I typed it into google, and what resulted was a lot better pic than any pic of laundry.)

Quizzo tonight will be held at the following locations:
Good Dog (224 South 15th Street, across from the old Bookbinders) 8:00 p.m.

Anybody know whose yearbook photo that is? Scroll over the pic to find out. Quizzo tonight (Thursday) will be held at the following locale. Hope to see you there!
Good Dog (224 South 15th Street, just N of Locust) 8:00 p.m.

1. What is quizzo?
   Quizzo is a bar game that seems to have originated in Ireland and made it’s way here to Philadelphia. There are different versions of it at different bars. Here’s the way mine works:
   • There are four rounds, with ten questions in each round.
   • The first round is the easy round. All of the questions are relatively easy and are worth one point apiece.
   • The second round is the 50/50 round or speed round. Each question only has two possible answers and each question is worth two points apiece.
   • The third round is the wild card round. There is a different topic each week and each question is worth three apiece.
   • The fourth round is the impossible round. Each question is worth 5 points apiece.
   • There are weekly double questions in rounds 1, 2, and 4, so the highest possible score would be a 119.
2. Has there ever been a perfect score?
   Yes, there have been two perfect score in JGT quizzo sinee i began in 2003. One was recorded by the Sofa Kingdom in 2005. The other was recorded by the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion in September of 2008. Both perfect scores took place at the Bards, long renowned as a pitcher’s ballpark.
3. Is your real name Johnny Goodtimes?
   Yes. Johnny Wood Goodtimes, IV, to be precise.
4. How long have you been doing this?
   I started at Nick’s Roast Beef in 2003. When I started I was doing a sports quizzo as sort of a hobby. I’ve been doing it full time since March of 2004.
5. Have any of the answers to your questions ever been wrong?
   No, Johnny Goodtimes is infallible.
6. What do I get for winning?
   A gift certificate to the bar and, more importantly, the glory that comes with a photo on the website.
7. Are you as sexy as you look on the website?
   I’m even sexier in person. I was recently voted “Philadelphia’s Sexiest Bachelor.”
8. By who?
   Myself.
9. Oh. Hey, did you really train dolphins?
   Yes, I worked for Dolphin Quest in Hawaii from 1998-2000.
10. Why would you move here from Hawaii?
    Because I’m a moron.
11. Do you do parties?
    Yes, Johnny will liven up any office event, private party, wedding, or soccer riot with a special quizzo for the occasion. For more info, click here.
12. Is heroin really bad for you?
    No, that’s a lie they teach you in school. Heroine is, however, a gateway drug that could eventually lead you down a trail of coffee drinking and glue sniffing.

There will be no quizzo on Monday at Doc Watson’s, due to the holiday. Johnny was apparently in the holiday spirit on Sunday night, as the paparazzi caught the original King of Goodtimes out at 2:00 a.m., eating pizza from Lorenzo’s on South Street. Some reports indicate that he may have had alcohol in his system. Johnny was not pleased. “Can’t an international mega-star grab a slice of pizza with three female admirers without a gaggle of photographers gathering around?” he shouted, leaving bystanders impressed with his use of the word gaggle.

Quizzo tonight (Thursday) will be held at the following locale:
Good Dog (224 South 15th Street) 8:00 p.m.