Things have been a little shaky on the website for the last 24 hours. On the one week I could least afford to have my modem crash, my modem crashed. So a couple of stories are late, and I haven’t been able to throw up the normal ridiculous stories you’ve come to expect. It’s getting fixed tomorrow, and then we’ll be back in business. In better news, it looks like Quizzo Bowl I is close to being a sell-out!

Just wanted to send birthday shout-outs to Eve (above, center) and Dana below, both of whom recently played at the Bards. If any of y’all gotta birthday coming up, let me know.

Not since the teletubbies has there been such an obvious attempt by the cartoon industry to turn children gay. Spongebob, in a recent video, has the nerve to encourage children to show tolerance towards others, even homosexuals! Fortunately for us, there is the Christian Right, who want children to follow Jesus’s example, showing love to everyone, except for homosexuals, who Jesus famously hated and treated differently than everyone else.

Tonya Harding knocked out her opponent Britney Drake in the second round, after bashing her knee in with a tire iron.

From the gawker:
Freemans, tuesday night the 16th of nov. the bush twins , along with 2 massive secret service men, tried to have dinner. they were told by the maitre’d that they were full and would be for the next 4 years. upon hearing, the entire restaurant cheered and did a round of shots… it was amazing!!! [Ed: We’re hearing that this is actually true.]

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better than the Grey Album by DJ Danger Mouse (mixing Jay Z and the Beatles), I find the Beastles, a mix of the Beatles and the Beastie Boys

Think again!!! Here is the story of activists pelting a McDonald’s with an octopus cannon. In other news, there is such a thing as an octopus cannon. Is the plural of octopus octopuses or octopi? I’m not sure. Both are fun to say.

There are very few times when I will promote something on the same night as quizzo. This is one of those times. Tonya Harding will be boxing tonight in Essington. Tickets are $25, and proceeds will help Tanya in her battle to be less white-trashy. Will someone please go and tell me how it is?

Hey gang, here’s a pretty kool site I found that had actually linked to the “Nobel Prize Winner…or Porn Star” quiz. The site’s got some pretty interesting stuff on it including a very addictive time waster called ice breakout in which you’re a penguin on a seesaw. Check it out.

After completely obscuring the faces of the winning team (Team Mug Night, unobscured above) at the Dog on Thursday, Photoshop Stan was let go by Johnny Goodtimes, Inc. Stan (below), whose dependence on glue and liquid valium has been troublesome to the organization for years, finally went over the line on Thursday. “I don’t know,” said Stan, “I thought it was kind of funny. But what do I know? I’m just a glue sniffing photoshopper. Also, I like liquid valium. And white out.” Stan’s interim replacement will be intern Lou “JPEG” Jackson.