That’s right, people. A day I thought would never happen. I, Johnny Goodtimes, sitting in a cubicle, drinking instant coffee and “working”. Now, what I’m working on is pretty kool. But still. I’ve been doing research on a place in Amarillo, TX called the Big Texan Steakhouse, where they give you a 72 oz steak for free if you can eat it in an hour. I’m trying to decide whether or not it’s worth attempting. I mean, there is absolutely no way I could finish it, but it might be worth the try. I’ll get this week’s winners up manana, and I’ll tell you more about the trip a little later today.
RELATED: Johnny’s going cross country!

They both sound like idiots when they talk, they both think the answer to all of life’s problems is to “blow s*** up”, and they were both born on the very same day. Rambo and W both turn 60 today. Of course, Rambo was a bit more succesful in war than Bush has been. Hey, well I got a meeting today with the traffic.com people, and don’t know when I’ll be back. So, until then, talk amongst yourselves.
Time Machine: Last year at this time, Johnny checked out Live 8.

The lights dimmed, and a booming voice came over the loudspeaker. QuizzoMan was born on the planet Quizzon, but in 1989 he was traded to earth for Von Hayes and a player to be named later. The opening monologue told of Quizzoman’s tough time adjusting to Philly, until quizzo started to blow up. The strains of Quizzoman’s theme music then began to play. “He’s so handsome, he’s so smart…he’s got a big quiz and he’s got a big heart.” Suddenly the doors blew open, smoke poured out, and out walked a superhero more handsome than any ever seen. With flowing golden locks and an uncomfortably tight outfit, Quizzoman entered to a thunderous applause. Only seconds into the program, and QuizzoMan had already made people forget about Johnny Goodtimes (though they still couldn’t keep their minds off Fado quizzo).

Continue reading “QuizzoMan Saves Earth From Bad Trivia” →

Alright, I’m sick of Satan’s Minions winning every week. They’ve won 5 straight at the Black Sheep. So, assuming they play tonight, I’m putting a $20 cash bounty on them. So if a team other than Satan’s Minions win tonight, I’ll give ’em $20 cash in addition to the $40 gift certificate. (No, if the Minions finish 4th, the three teams that beat them don’t all get $20. Only the team in first gets it.)

Elvis released his first single on this date in 1954, “That’s Alright Mama.” What legendary bluesman did he steal the song from? By the way, the photo above is of Black Elvis, who is the most famous person to come from my town of Nassawadox, VA (He was on the Arsenio Hall Show!). Strangely, the answer to this week’s question also lived in Nassawadox for a while.

Happy birthday to the bikini, which turns 60 today. And just to be fair, here’s a photo of a man with a bikini. Happy birthday, bikini! Here’s a history of the greatest invention of the 20th century.

That’s right, peeps, I’m going cross country…and what’s even better, I’m gonna be blogging about it the whole way. Yeah, I answered this ad that I saw on philadelphiawilldo, and had an interview with the good people at traffic.com a few days later. And lo and behold, I was the blogger they chose (I think my famous pink ruffled tuxedo shirt that I wore to the interview swayed them in my direction). Here’s the deal: I’m gonna be going cross country in a tractor trailer with an absurdly large billboard attached to the back, and cruising from city to city, trying to convince people to check out all of the free services that traffic.com has to offer. I’ll also be getting into as many ridiculous adventures along the way as I possibly can. Just think of this as a month long rhubarb pie bake off!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Johnny, this sounds like you’ve sold out to the man!” To which I can only respond, “You’re damn right I have! And the man can fulfill all of your traffic needs, just by checking out his website.” I’ll have a lot more info on this in the coming days, including how you can help me plan the adventure, so be sure to check back…and yes, there will still be quizzo. Trivia Art and Jam Master Sean will fill in for me while I’m gone.

There will be no quizzo at the Bards and O’Neals tonight, on account of the holiday. Have a great 4th, and I’ll see you tommorrow at the Vous and the Black Sheep!

You know, the one I’ve been threatening to make every day for over a week? Well, uh, just one more day. I know, I know, I’m a bad person. But this is the type of announcement that just seems to go hand in hand with the 4th of July. And, no, I won’t be doing a duet with Lionel Richie tommorrow. Trust me, I tried to make that happen. But July 4th is the perfect day to get this little announcement off the ground, although not a single person in America will be checking their computer on the 4th of July. And yes, that’s a real frog.

…it would have been front page news (front page, not front sports page) and would have had people all over America talking about what terrible fans we are.