The lights dimmed, and a booming voice came over the loudspeaker. QuizzoMan was born on the planet Quizzon, but in 1989 he was traded to earth for Von Hayes and a player to be named later. The opening monologue told of Quizzoman’s tough time adjusting to Philly, until quizzo started to blow up. The strains of Quizzoman’s theme music then began to play. “He’s so handsome, he’s so smart…he’s got a big quiz and he’s got a big heart.” Suddenly the doors blew open, smoke poured out, and out walked a superhero more handsome than any ever seen. With flowing golden locks and an uncomfortably tight outfit, Quizzoman entered to a thunderous applause. Only seconds into the program, and QuizzoMan had already made people forget about Johnny Goodtimes (though they still couldn’t keep their minds off Fado quizzo).
But before a question could be asked, it was discovered that QuizzoMan has an arch enemy-a masked man known only as Wrong Answer. But, after a thrilling and well choreographed sword fight, QuizzoMan was able to dispose of Wrong Answer and start with the questions. The packed house (trust me, this was no cartoon quizzo) proved to be up to the challenge (six teams would finish with scores of 100 or higher), and QuizzoMan was able to project their scores between rounds onto the large overhead dome using his incredible mindpower.
Things were going along swimmingly until midway through Round Four, when Wrong Answer reappeared, telling QuizzoMan that he had found his weakness. He then pulled out a glowing green object as QuizzoMan shrieked, “Quizzonite!” before slumping helplessly to the floor. Wrong Answer then took control of the questions, asking about Supervillains as the Franklin Institute staff tried to revive the immobile Superhero.
All seemed lost until a young staffer named Scott F. remembered hearing something about the only known antidote for Quizzonite-cold, delicious beer. QuizzoMan took a few sips, mustered enough strength to stand, then slammed an entire cup of Sierra Nevada Summer Ale.
He was entirely recharged and strormed after Wrong Answer with a vengeance, tearing his sword from his hands and then exploiting his weakness-Care Bear trivia. “Who can make anything out of rainbows?” asked QuizzoMan. Wrong Answer hung his head and answered. “True Heart Bear.” QuizzoMan continued to grill the hapless SuperVillain. “Who tries and tries but is the only Care Bear who can’t fly a kite?” A muttered cry from WA. “Do Your Best Bear.” As QM asked his final question, Wrong Answer was begging for mercy. “Where do the Care Bear Cousing live?” The evildoer staggered back a few steps, muttered meekly, “The Forest of Feelings”, and ran out the door, after telling our hero that he’d be back, “In a not as good as the original but still financially feasible sequel.” Our hero then finished a thrilling Round Four, and added up the scores. The Bizarro Sofa Kingdom emerged victoriuos, edging the Legion of Doom, 112-110. The Superfriends finished 3rd with 107. Johnny G. was seen at the Planetarium before the contest, but was escorted out by staff security before the contest began. Johnny was given a lifetime ban from the Institute after the disastrous cartoon quizzo.
