What would be the most clever title for a Christmas porn movie? Somebody last night at the Bards said it would be “The Twelve Inches of Christmas.” Whoever comes up with the most clever title, I’ll buy a beer for after the new year. Be sure to include your email address when you fill out an answer, so I can contact you if you win.

Wanna do something kool (with a k)in the spirit of the holiday? How about donating money to try and saveIsaiah Zagar’s Magic Garden on 10th and South?

Here’s a collection of some kool and unusual facts about Christmas.

The Ocean’s Drunks were able to pull it out at Doc Watson’s on Monday night. The team had been a group of teetottalers, but when they saw how bad Ocean’s 12 sucked, they started drinking heavily, and haven’t stopped since.

Here’s your chance to join the USFL fan club! Learn more about the last Philadelphia sports team to win a major title, the Philadelphia Stars! Also, tell me who you think the most overrated hottie in Hollywood is on the message board.

Fox is going to have a new reality show called “Who’s Your Daddy?” For more details of this awful show, read here. Sadly, it doesn’t involve Big Daddy Kane (Johnny’s favorite lyricist of the 1980’s, by the way.) Nor does it involve Robert Young. (Fans of mid 1950s television are laughing their heads off right now.)

This is an article by someone who apparently thinks that Bob Jones University has gotten a little too liberal. (BJU is the school where, when W spoke there in 2000, still did not allow interracial dating.) Check out #5, “Worldliness promoted.” I really can’t tell if this person is being a smart-ass or is completely out of their mind (i.e. eye shadow, Shakespeare, and opera are all evil).

What precedent was set by Emilio Marcos Palma’s birth on January 7, 1978?

Ken Jennings is Our B**** was able to come away with a victory at Doc’s on Monday. The team, which has been accused of kidnapping Ken Jennings shortly after his historic streak ended, locking him in their basement and making him, well, their b****, has denied all charges. “Did we put a gag ball in his mouth shortly after he lost to Nancy Zerg?” asked team member Brent “Switchblade” Sampson. “Yes. The photographs prove it. But we let him go shortly after that. Do you really think I could keep a guy with that cute of a smile in my basement for days on end, subsisting on nothing but water and scraps, begging for mercy as we mentally, physically, and spiritually abused him, after he costed us big money by not winning 75 in a row? I think not.”