Pro Hac Vice recorded a big victory at a private party at the Black Sheep on Tuesday, but it wasn’t really their biggest win of the day. Earlier, they had been part of the prosecution team that succesfully prosecuted O.J. Simpson for cable piracy. The prosecution had been presented a setback when the remote control for the television had seemed a little too small for OJ’s hands, but were able to perservere. O.J. said after losing the $25,000 that he was innocent, and that he would “never stop searching for the real pirates.”

This was written into the comments section by Dirty Sanchez under last week’s Locust Rendezvous story. Looks like we have a rivalry forming. “Jams might want to think about finding a different bar to do Quizzo in if they want to keep winning: Unlawful Presence is in the house and we’re holding on to the title. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. And once Jams leaves, you’ll be singing Bananarama: “Cause it’s a cruel, cruel, cruel summer. Now you’re gone. Leaving me here on my own.”

Also, this gives me a chance to post this comment about Toby Keith, just in case anybody missed it. This came from anonymous after I wished Toby a happy birthday and said that I hoped he would jump off a cliff. “To be fair, Toby ‘I’m such a dumb f**k that all I can do is spout half rhyming platitudes about ol glory while forgetting what it actually stands for and by the way how about my counrty fag mullet’ Keith should drive off a cliff in his new, freedom loving (except for the oil it consumes, thereby supporting our enemies- wow, freedom is complicated, huh you big Jackass?) ford oil guzzler. Then I’d be happy. But not jumping, that’s for freedom haters. I hope he chokes on his.”

And the picture above is of a guy who played at O’Neals a few weeks ago. The first ever JGT Quizzo Spectacular participant with gold teeth. Finally, be sure to pick up a copy of tommorrow’s City Paper. There’s an article by Johnny Goodtimes inside.

What does a fujita scale measure? No, not fajita scale. Fujita scale.

After the disgusting, shady pay raises voted on at 2 a.m. by our state legislators a few weeks ago, a website has been started in the hopes of ousting every single legislator who voted for the pay raise, regardless of party affiliation. After reading the requirements, I realized that I can run for state representative! All I need are 300 signatures from registered voters and $100. Something to think about.

A congressman is trying to pass a law that would allow prosecution of anybody who falsely claimed to have won a Purple Heart. The controversy stems from the Wedding Crashers web site, where you could print out a fake purple heart to show off to babes. The website has taken down the picture. But the crash kit is still kind of kool.

Here’s a couple of interesting bits fromt he sports world. First an argument that Lance Armstrong is not the greatest athlete of all time. Then the story of former Orioles catcher Rick Dempsey’s Pony League coach, who was robbing banks in each city the team traveled to.

We still need to find a home for Cocoa!!! I am taking this on as my personal mission. She is a wonderful cat, has spent a lot fo her life in cages, and would certainly be appreciative of the opportunity to live out the rest of her life in a great home. Please spread the word!

Today is Estelle Getty’s 82nd birthday. Here is a site that “will allow the series to grow beyond the limitations of a simple 80’s sitcom and eventually establish itself as a vital cornerstone of American culture.”

The Dirty Night Stay Outs, who took a lead into the fourth round at the Good Dog on Thursday before pulling a WTF style collapse, would like to wish everybody a happy holiday! What holiday? Are you serious? Why, it’s Paul Reubens Day, of course!

Happy Birthday Don Knotts! This comic legend turns 81 today!