So I’m relaxing by the fireplace in my luxury home the other night, reading my latest issue of Philadelphia Magazine. And by reading, I mean flipping through 200 pages of ads for handbags and Stephen Starr and looking at pictures of rich white people. Now keep in mind, it took a while for me to even get the magazine open, because I couldn’t stop staring at Kevin Bacon on the front cover, sporting the worst haircut I’ve ever seen on an actual human being. He looked like a 15 year old girl in 1994. Anyway, I’m trying to make up my mind about whether or not to read some article about Chaka Fattah’s wife (ok, ok, so they occasionally cover rich black people) when I saw a sidebar about Jessica Pressler’s infamous Sixth Borough article.

Continue reading “Philly Mag Takes Cheap Shot at Johnny” →

…Idi Amin or PGW? I’ll give you a little while to mull over that one. I’ll be back this afternoon with my response to the cheap shot I received from Philadelphia Magazine. Also, be sure to vote for your favorite haiku.

The Man in Black will be appearing at the World Cafe Live on Friday night. It’s a cd release party for a local artist named Kate Gaffney. Tix are $12. By the way, the free ticket raffles were a huge success last night. The Troc was nice enough to give me a bunch of tix, so we had a lot of winners, and will have a lot more tonight!

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You try for a completely unnecessary base with two outs and the hottest bat in the majors coming to the plate? I was so wrong about being wrong about you.

Johnny Goodtimes is teaming up with the Trocadero to give you free tickets to upcoming shows! Over the next couple of weeks, Johnny will be giving away tickets to The Faint, Blues Traveler, Philly favorite Amos Lee, and Super Diamond, which is, you guessed it, a Neil Diamond cover band! I’ve got lots of tickets to give away and not much time to do it. All you have to do to have a chance to win is show up at quizzo!

Whose assassination, ordered by King Ptolemy, was carried out in late September, 48 BC?

I shoulda believed the hype. You’re a bunch of bums.

To read part one click here. TO read part two, click here.
The interview picks up where we left it last time, talking about whether or not a black person would ever root for a white underdog. As many of you know, Bernard made some disparaging comments about Donovan McNabb in February after the Eagles lost the Super Bowl.

“I’m disappointed at how he reacted the last minutes of the game, just walking up to the line. If you’re sick, take yourself out and put in the man on the sideline…T.O., he was playing with a broken leg. I mean, come on, man. I had a dislocated shoulder when I fought Antwun Echols and he slammed me down in our second fight. But I kept fighting.”

McNabb was unruffled. “You know, in a situation like this, if it’s T.O. or Bernard Hopkins, if it’s whoever may decide to take shots, the whole offseaon, the best way to handle it is to be yourself and being able to understand what is at hand. What’s at hand is for me to be prepared and ready to go to lead this team to a Super Bowl win.” Apparently not a McNabb fan, Bernard doesn’t hold back in this one either.

Continue reading “The Executioner’s Tale, Volume 3” →

Just want to warn everyone playing quizzo this week. I wore the same Phillies shirt on Friday and Sunday, both wins. I will be wearing it again tonight to the game. If they win tonight, I will obviously be wearing it until they lose. There will be no washing of the shirt until we lose. It’s the least I can do to help get my team to the playoffs.

On Friday night, I did my finger thing, which originated when I was young and rooting for a team that was losing by three in the tenth inning. I crossed my arms and rubbed my thumb and middle finger together consistently. My team hit a grand slam in the tenth. I’ve been using it in very important games ever since, and it paid off for the Phils on Friday. Of course, it’s not the kind of thing you take lightly. I would never do the finger thing during games in May or June. I did it last year in October, however, and helped the Red Sox defeat the hated New york Yankees. I didn’t feel like they needed it in the World Series, though, so I didn’t dilute it’s powers. I’ll be trying to do the same this year with the Phils. Women who are reading this are thinking, “See, this proves that men are completely out of their minds.” Men who are reading it are thinking, “Does the finger thing work in football games, too?” Here’s a good article on baseball superstition.

Boy, narrowing down the haikus to the best one’s was awfully tough, because there were so many really, really awful haikus. But here’s the one’s I liked best. Vote for ’em on the right.

The Funk:
Purple, orange, blue
Colors bring calm. Then, panic:
Doc, check out this rash

Darth Voolfie:
Saturday night smooth
Chattin’ up babes at the club
spankin’ it again

Jim F.:
Shiver me timbers,
Pirate life is blessed indeed.
Where’s my parrot now?

Nate:
Oh iPod nano…
I always kiss you goodnight.
I need a girlfriend.

Eric: (one of Miranda’s students)
I don’t want to write.
Mondays make me real tired.
Saturday’s the best.

Leigh Anne:
Philadelphia:
The City of Brotherly
Love Handles: eat up!

Jon:
George W. Bush
Mission Accomplished? Yeah, right.
Where is Osama?

Darth Ern:
What’s a Liberal?
whine,whine,whine,whine,whine,whine,whine!
That’s a Liberal!