Larry Brown leads team to title

Emphasizing a strict defense and disciplined offense, Larry Brown was able to deliver again on Monday night, leading 1022 to a 64-62 victory over Sloe Gin Quiz in the greatest defensive battle the game has ever seen. “I like to see the game played the right way,” said Brown, who got his wish, as even an enormous quad of med school students was kept at bay. The doctors of tomorrow drank three barzookas and were unable to even break 60 points in JGT Quizzo, and you’ll possibly be counting on them to save your life in a medical emergency in a few years. Something to think about.

Quizzo Tonight

Quizzo tonight will be held at the following locations:
Good Dog (224 South 15th Street, across from the old Bookbinders) 8:00 p.m.

For the Woman on the Go Who Has to Go

With the summer concert season upon us and the line in front of port-a-johns 20 or 30 deep aren’t you glad you brought your p-mates? Be like a guy and make just about anywhere your toilet with the p-mate, bringing the glory of peeing standing up to women everywhere.

Story of the Day

Linguists find the Tshiluba language word Ilunga the most difficult word to translate. Second place went to a Yiddish word, shlimazl, which means “a chronically unlucky person” or as its known in these parts, “a Philadelphia sports fan.” More…

Yee Ha!

Yes that is Whiplash, the 17-year old Capuchian monkey, riding a collie and herding sheep at the Old Fort Days Rodeo in Fort Smith Arkansas.

Story of the Day

Thai prisoners play elephants in soccer in hopes of discouraging gambling on the European Soccer Championships. And being a soccer game, the game ended in a tie.

Satan Not So Bad, says Johnny

Johnny Goodtimes gave Lucifer the OK after attending a punk rock concert on Thursday night. “Yeah, Satan isn’t so bad, I guess,” said Johnny. “I mean, could all of these people be wrong?” Johnny, who got his picture taken with the lead singer from the band Satanic Freedom (that’s not their real name, but it’s got a nice ring to it), said the band was true to it’s word. “At one point during the concert, the lead singer said that they were making the kind of music that is heard in hell, and after hearing a couple of songs, I’m definitely inclined to agree with his assessment.”

Cataclysmic Bike Crash Suffers Cataclysmic Bike Crash

Irony was the order of the day, as several members of a team called Cataclysmic Bike Crash were injured following their win at Doc Watson’s when a crazed bike rider crashed into them. The stranger mentioned something about the basement at the Alamo, then quickly drove off. Police are investigating the suspect, who apparently rode directly to the Forum at 22nd and Market after the accident.

Johnny Goodtime’s New Haircut Wins in OT

Johnny Goodtimes New Haircut might have been fooled by Johnny’s hair (he hasn’t had a haircut in like two months), but they were not fooled by his question in Overtime, which allowed them to squeak past Bedtime For Bonzo. It was an emotional contest, and Bedtime for Bonzo was devastated at it’s conclusion. “I got a question,” said Ralph Snowblower of the Bonzo’s. “Why all the hubbub over Reagan dying? I mean, Bonzo was the star of that movie, and I don’t remember Gorbachev coming in for his funeral.”

Big Sticks Spell V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

The Big Sticks were able to win at Nick’s on Wednesday. “That’s garbage,” said Bill Badaz of the third place team. “They knew that the second round was going to be spelling. Why else would they bring that Tidmarsh kid?” Indeed, the rest of the team left before the photo was taken, but the spelling bee champ had a couple of cold ones, then received the first place trophy from Joe.