Demonic Witches from Hell are Responsible for Halloween Candy? Just as I Figured

evil_needs_candy_tooThere was a great article on Pat Robertson’s website that I think you might enjoy. In fact, I know you will enjoy it. It is awesome. Kimberly Daniels reports:

The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

  • Sex with demons
  • Orgies between animals and humans
  • Animal and human sacrifices
  • Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
  • Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
  • Revel nights
  • Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
  • Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.
  • Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.

Those of you (and you know who you are!) who are sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood to celebrate Halloween need to come to your senses! What you are doing is flat out wrong, I don’t care what the holiday is. As for the orgies between animals between humans and animals, well, let me just say I was at one of those parties last year, and I felt uncomfortable nearly the entire time. If you are going to be hosting animal/human orgies to celebrate the holiday, it should specifically stated on the evite (I’m looking at you, Steve-O). As for the sex with demons, well, we broke up, so that’s no longer an issue. But Kim Daniels isn’t quite done yet! It gets worse! There is something else you should be aware of: your candy is being possessed by witches.

For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store.

So I also have a message for all of you witches in the greater Hershey, PA, area. Stay away from the candy factory! Let our children eat un-possessed candy this year. Otherwise I will unleash a “time- released” curse on all of you.

RELATED: The Huffington Post has some of the more evil candies that have been prayed over by witches.

Brand New Quizzo Tonight at Ugly American!!

uglyam
Alright kids, here’s the deal. I am hosting quizzo tonight at the Ugly American at 6 p.m. I will write a new quiz for tonight, so it will not be the same as the other quizzes this week. There will be one round Halloween related, one round World Series related, and the rest will be normal trivia. I will be done with the quizzo before the game starts. I hope to see ya tonight!

Vote for JGT’s Rap on Philebrity

The World Series rap I did is up for voting on Philebrity.com, and it goes without saying that it is being hated on by hipster nation. That includes the greatest cliche hipster quote in the comments of all time, “all of this sucks. i’m sure it will be quite popular.” The old hipster credo: everything that sucks is popular, and everything that is popular sucks. I love it. Anyhow, I need you guys to vote for me since I am currently running at 3%, which is outrageous. The Neeko rap is a little better, admittedly, but not 68% points better. Let’s make those numbers dance, folks. Vote early, vote often.

The 7th Annual Halloween Quizzo Spooktacular

margarita Yep, it’s that time again. Time for the 7th Annual Halloween Spooktacular. All questions this week will be about ghosts, goblins, serial killers, scary songs, and other devilish delights. The schedule has been adjusted to accomodate the Phils-Yankees World Series. Here is our lineup:
TUESDAY:
O’Neals 8 p.m.
Bards 10:15 p.m.
WEDNESDAY
Locust Rendezvous 6 p.m. SHARP!
Black Sheep Cancelled
THURSDAY
Ugly American 6 p.m.
Bards Cancelled