Month: June 2009

Metro Column: The Clermont Lounge

walkerHere is the original version of my article about the Clermont Lounge in Atlanta. The grainy picture above is of Stroker receiving his lap dance. The photo is grainy, but that’s perfect for the place and occasion (and to protect the innocent…and the guilty).

I was in Atlanta over the weekend, and I had just gone to the rehearsal dinner for my good friend Stroker Ace when someone said, “We gotta go to the Clermont Lounge.” Not being an Atlanta native, those words meant nothing to me, but mere minutes later, they would have devastating consequences.

It was a little after midnight when Stroker, myself, and about 15 people from the rehearsal party walked into the Clermont. It didn’t take long to be startled. A woman on stage who looked to be in her mid 50s (age) and her mid 250s (weight) dropped her French maid’s outfit to the ground and gyrated to the music, buck naked.

The Clermont Lounge is Atlanta’s longest operating strip club, opening in 1951, and most of the women on stage on this night look like they were doffing their nighties during the Grand Opening festivities. The smoke in the air is nothing short of stifling, and the floor is covered in what feels to be syrup. This place makes McGlinchey’s look like the Four Seasons.

As it was the night before his wedding, my good friend Stroker Ace was privy to a very special lap dance from a healthy young* lady named Blondie. Blondie, whose belly shook like jelly, pirouetted around Stroker then shook her ample bosom inches from his face. Her grand finale was nothing short of spectacular, as she crushed a beer can with her bottom, and deposited it in his coat pocket. The rotgut I had been drinking began doing laps in my stomach, and I stumbled out into the night air, trying to come to grips with what I had just witnessed. Five days have since passed. I still have not come to grips with it.

*and by young, I mean old.

Quizzo Tonight (and other stuff)

jgtlogoFirst of all, if you want to play some of your tunes at quizzo tonight, just give me a little heads up and then bring your ipod. Our good friend Conor (who might have made out with Tina Fey in the 7th grade) rocked the jams at the Bards last night, and a fine time was had by all. As for quizzo tonight, we kick it off at the Rendezvous at 6:15. That and the Ugly American are currently your two best places to find a seat for you and your team. Just sayin’. On to the Black Sheep at 8 p.m., which has been rocking the last few weeks. Finally, get your picks in for the iSportacus U.S. Open Four Ball Competition. You can win a hearty gift certificate for picking the best foursome. I don’t know jack about golf, but I entered anyway. So should you. See ya tonight!

New iPhone App Not Good for Quizzo Cheaters

iphoneInteresting article in Fast Company yesterday about iPhone’s new search engine WolframAlpha, and how it comes up short when trying to cheat at quizzo with it. If you wanna cheat, the article concludes, stick with google. 

And the final cheat scores: Google 9/10, WolframAlpha 5/10. Predictably, unless you’re taking part in a science quiz, Google is your cheating search engine of choice. It’s also easier to whisper to your pub quiz team-mates, when you’re a couple of pints into the evening and have a mouthful of chips.