I don’t know what it is about the holidays and me almost fighting steakheads, but it happened again on New Years Eve. The scenario: I’m at a party in the Art Museum area on the first floor, which has a small outdoor area, one just big enough for a beer pong table. Most of the people at said party are in their late 20s, early 30s. There is also a party going on on the third floor, where most of the partyers are hovering around 21 years old. Well, the upstairs had an ice luge (a block of ice that you can pour shots of liquor down) on their outdoors deck, so some of the first floor revelers made a dash upstairs and began drinking from this luge. Apparently the youngsters weren’t so keen on this behavior. But they seemed pretty friendly overall, and the two sides seemed to get along fine. Then, at around 3 a.m., a young lady and myself were playing another mixed duo at beer pong. Suddenly something dropped from the heavens and went splat on the beer pong table. I looked ahead. It was a jello shot dropped from the third floor balcony. No big deal. We continued to play, but about thirty seconds later a loud crash on the table. Some idiot had thrown a beer bottle. I looked ahead at my male opponent, who we’ll call Nitro, and said, “Let’s roll.” We dashed up the stairs and blasted into the party completely agged out (and, I must admit, a little bit out of breath. I drank a lot of eggnog over the holidays). “What the f***!!!!!” we screamed in unison.

Continue reading “JGT Almost gets in a Fight on New Years Eve” →

In answer to the Round Four question, “What group, supported by Allen Ginsberg, advocates legalized sexual relationships between adult males and underaged boys?” one contestant at the Bards shouted out, “The Catholic Church.” (The correct answer was NAMBLA.)

This is going to make your day.

JGT had his official political correspondent, Chip Chantry, head north to report back on the New Hamsphire primaries. Here is his exclusive report.

For my first column of 2008, I headed north to the the Buckeye State, New Hampshire. And I did it the way the first settlers first did: In a Nissan Sentra full of prescription painkillers, Ramen Noodles, and a little thing called “Patriotism”.
Digging deep into the history of the New Hampshire Primary, I unearthed these 12 vital pieces of Election Day information. Enjoy.

1. New Hampshire is the first Primary Election in the nation. New Hampshire law stipulates this, thus the date is repeatedly pushed up each year. Subsequently, the New Hampshire Primary for the 2012 election will be a week from this Thursday.

2. Anyone uttering the word “caucus” in public during the first two weeks of January in New Hampshire is subject to four hours in the stocks at the center of Concord.

3. During the 2004 New Hampshire Primaries, not a single person in the state voted. Many believe the complete lack of voter turnout was due to the fact that the USA Network aired a 24-hour marathon of the hit show Monk that day.

4. If you have an arm or a leg in a cast, you are not permitted to vote in the New Hampshire Primary.

5. At the Laconia, NH polling precinct, legally there must be a sign hanging that clearly reads: “MASTURBATION IN THE VOTING BOOTH IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. WE’RE LOOKING AT YOU, BURT HARTIGAN.”

6. Since 1980, on Primary night, after the winners have been announced, one candidate from each party is awarded the “Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk” award. Historically, every single recipient drops dead exactly 48 hours after receiving the award. Experts are unsure as to why this occurs, or why on God’s green earth people are still giving and receiving the “Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk”.

7. Since the 1996 Primary, the 90’s band 4-Non Blondes have had a standing gig every Tuesday night at the Blue Hill Tavern in Claremont, NH. And they’re still playing that f**king song.

8. Seventy-two percent of New Hampshire’s population is Christian. However, not one person from the other 28% has ever voted. When asked why the other denominations do not come out on Primary Day, one Portsmouth police officer answered, “…because they’re all home sittin’ shiva if they know what’s good for ’em!” He then winked at me and fed his dog a quart of gravy.

9. For this year’s Primary night, Josh Crawford’s parents are out of town. His older brother, Doug, came down from Augusta and bought him a keg. So there’s going to be a rager at his place tonight. And guess what-Madison-yes, hot Madison from your Chemistry Lab- she’s going to be there, and I heard she’s into you. You are getting so laid tonight, dude!

10. Mitt Romney would have pushed through and won this year’s primary if he was only allowed to have Caffeine. Damn you, Brigham Young!

11. Whether it’s in a loveless marriage, or a Vietnamese POW camp, New Hampshire likes their candidates trapped. Congratulations to Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

12. And congratulations to Bill Richardson for receiving the “Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk” award. May the LORD have mercy on your soul.
RELATED: More Chip Chantry.

First the holidays, then jury duty. I haven’t really had much time for the website. I know that this has been frustrating for my millions of four fans. Well, I think I’m back. Today, gonna try to tell you about my court experience and possibly about my near fight on New Years.Also, gonna try to meet with the Armory again. They are the front runners for QB4. Need to talk to the band today as well, and see if we can settle on a date. (Looking at mid-March. March 8th is out.)

My time in the jury box is now over. It was an interesting experience, and I will have a short write up about the process manana. For now, I am running late on doing my questions, so I hope to see you tonight, as we return to action at O’Neals for the first time in 3 weeks.
O’Neals (3rd and South) 8 p.m.

Bards (20th and Walnut) 10 p.m.