Wild Week of Quizzo

The Kingdom stayed hot, the Jams finally fell, and a new team pulled off an upset at the Black Sheep. But we begin on Monday, with an excellent Wheel of Terrific. Just ask Steve O., who played Jerry Falwell in the latest edition. It was the last ever edition of the Wheel of Terrific, though there are rumors of a Wheel of Terrific reunion. Chip and I will also be appearing in the next Die Actor Die show in June. We’re making a porno.

We kick off quizzo on Tuesday at O’Neals. Playing without pop culture guru Cocktails, the Young, the Old, and the Restless got kicked out of contention in the “First line of famous songs” round. But Dork Sided may be the new team to beat at O’Neals anyway, winning for the second straight week with a 96-75 pasting of Philly Hardcore.

No surprises at the Bards, as the Kingdom won easily, posting a 116-89 win over the Dysfunktion and Omphalaskeptics, missing only one half of one queston. It was their 7th win in their last 8 quizzos, the only loss a one point loss to the Axis of Evil Knieval.

A big upset at the Vous, as the Jams finally lost, ending an incredible 8 game winning streak. The Live Free or Die Harders put up 101 to edge the 1 1/2 Armenians (aka Steve O.), who finished with 99. The Jams finished 3rd with 91. JGT still owes the Live Free or Die Harders $30, as they collected on the bounty. There is talk of a possible bounty on the Kingdom next week. We’ll see.

Another upset at the Sheep. Duane’s World and the Satan’s Minions both struggled with the third round, opening the floor to a couple of new contenders. In the end, 5 Dumb Guys and a Redhead edged Lord, Beer Me Strength, 90-88.

Steve O. was a bridesmaid again Thursday night. He had a full team together this time, but they finished a question short, falling to MAGMA, 99-94.

It wasn’t exactly the Sofa Kingdom, but a team with one of it’s members on it still pulled off a win on Thursday night at the Bards with a 103. $20 extra for first team that beats the Kingdom. Alright, I’m outta here. Have a great holiday!

Let’s get this Party Started

The delegates began meeting on this date, 220 years ago, to write one of the most kickass documents ever penned, the US Constitution. And you know where that jawn went down. In the illadel, PA, live with out a DJ.
RELATED: The Articles of Confederation blow, let’s try something new.

Hands Across America

It was on this date in 1986 that the famous Hands Across America took place. So I must know…did anyone of you guys participate? Oh, and I’m watching the 10! show right now b/c a friend of mine told me that Craig Laban was on. And Laban says that the inspiration for his terrible cheeseburger song came from the Good Dog Burger! So congrats, Good Dog! Your burger inspired the worst celebrity song since Don Johnson did “Heartbeat.”

Shoes

I was walking home from the Black Sheep and met these two girls who were headed south as well. They told me that A) Alfa was a great bar to meet women (I’ve never been) and B) I had to see the video for “Shoes”. Watched it this morning. Kind of amusing. Here it is. (NSFW due to cussing)

The Metro Column

They haven’t had a chance to post it on the website yet, but my editor gave me the OK to post it here. It’s about the Friendly Lounge, which was just named by Esquire as the best bar in America. To learn more about the Friendly, click here.
In their June edition, Esquire Magazine listed the Best Bars in America. The only one representing Philly was a quiet little neighborhood bar on the corner of 8th and Washington called the Friendly Lounge. What was it about a quiet corner bar that earned it such praise? Sensing an opportunity to write off beer as a business expense, I decided to find out.

It was midnight on a quiet Monday, and the bar had two patrons. I met one of the twins who own the place, Marco. He was ebullient and excitable, at one point pulling out his guitar to sing along with a song on the jukebox, then putting it away after strumming only a handful of notes. “We already knew it was the best bar,” said Marco proudly. “It was at one time famous for its ribs. Legend has it that Frank Sinatra had the ribs delivered to a show in Atlantic City once.” He continued. “My father, who opened the place in the 50s, was John DiTullio, but was known as Skinny. In fact, listen to this.”

Marco ran to the jukebox. Louis Prima’s famous version of “Just a Gigolo” began to play. “Listen to the part where he goes ‘Newt da Newt, Dolly Dolly, Skinny Skinny.’ He’s paying tribute to my father. He and Louis were friends. My father knew Joe DiMaggio, Martha Rae. Lenny Bruce used to come here regularly, and his wife used to babysit us.” Not that John was the only one in the family who could name drop. Marco’s mother, Hilda, was a well known circus performer who appeared in a 1940 film with Fred Astaire. The celebrity surrounding the Friendly Lounge then went to the level of surreal when I spoke with Marco’s wife, an extremely pleasant lady named Ruth. “I’m a descendant of Pocohantes,” she said sweetly and honestly.

I spoke with Marco’s twin brother Dominick the next day. He was a bit more subdued than Marco, and at least mildly surprised by the Esquire honor. “I suppose if you hang around long enough, you’ll probably get something right.” He smiled and wiped the counter. “Everybody’s got their own idea of what’s a great bar.” One with a picture of a forever young Marilyn Monroe beside the antique cash register, one filled with the ghosts of legends, one that’s been in the same family for over 50 years? That fits my idea of a great bar.
RELATED: What’s your favorite bar in Philly?

Around the horn

–Craig Laban just released a song about hamburgers. It is, quite frankly, the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Is this the future of newspapers that Tierney keeps talking about? If so, uh-oh. Can we expect Bill Conlin to do a rap about the Phils bullpen now?

–Dick Cheney’s gay daughter just had a baby. It’s gotta be tough for Dick. I mean, on one, hand, he’s trying to fight this war on terror, and on the other hand, we all know that the gays are the only thing more of a threat to our freedom than terrorists.

-Happy Birthdays to both Bob Dylan and Tommy Chong. Sadly, both men have smoked the pot, which is the the only thing more dangerous to America’s future than gays, who are almost as dangerous to our freedom as the Mexicans. Did you know that Mexicans can shoot lasers out of their eyes that can kill you? It’s true. BUILD THAT FENCE NOW!!!

-The team above won at a private gig I did in West Philly on Friday. It was held in an unfinished warehouse room, the kind of warehouse room where I thought it was a trick and that they were kidnapping me and holding me for ransom in a place that no-one could possibly find me. Turns out they were just using the room for storage for their company, Neatreceipts.

Epic meltdown

I have never seen an inning quite like the 9th last night. The Phils score 3 to take an insurmountable lead. And then the meltdown. It was unbelievable. The stupidity of Dobbs going home with the ball. Dobbs felt terrible afterwards. He told Marcus Hayes, “I’m praying I didn’t aid in Brett being out for a long time. I’m sick to my stomach. I want to go over to him, but I can’t even talk to him right now. I’m praying to God he’s going to be OK.” Then with two outs and a one run lead, Jason Werth made an excellent throw home to end the game. Or at least would have ended the game if the Phils had a Little League catcher in the game. But not with Rod Barajas, who decided to stand up and quit guarding the plate, something you often see in T-ball games but not so much in the majors. Barajas should be kicked off the team today. He is a disaster, one of two of the worst free agent acquisitions in the majors this year (the other being Wes Helms). Then, while trying to record the fifth out of the inning, Myers blows his arm out. Incredibly, we won it in the 10th. If it wasn’t for the Myers injury, we could maybe laugh about it. But a couple of questions need to be raised: would a well coached team be making nearly as many stupid decisions as this one seems to make almost every night? And should Myers have pitched yet again with a 4 run lead? I don’t know. There is nothing else for Charlie to go to in the bullpen, and thanks to Gillick not doing anything about a terrible bullpen in the offseason, our season is essentially over if Myers is out more than a couple of weeks.
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The Celtics: A Dishonorable Franchise

The Boston Celtics, a professional sports franchise, decided to lose games on purpose in the hopes of acquiring Greg Oden. The Philadelphia 76ers did not. Two storied franchises (yes, the Sixers are a storied franchise, despite their recent past) decided to do two completely different things. The Celtics sat their best players. The Sixers did the honorable thing and played to win. And there are people in Philly who are mad about the way the Sixers handled it. In fact, there are radio hosts that think the Sixers should have tanked. That reasoning is absurd, pathetic, and remarkably unethical.

I have a friend who worked for an entity that got a lot of government assistance. He said that every year they would dump all their leftover fuel in the woods, lots of it, because if they had extra fuel left over at the end of the year, they wouldn’t get the same amount of money from Congress the next year. And every year,they got a ton of money for fuel. Do the ends justify the means? No, because they engaged in unethical behavior. It was wrong. It was fraud.

The Boston Celtics are a fraudulent franchise. They are paid to try to win every basketball game they put on a jersey for. What is the message they send out when they don’t? That it is OK to shave points in pro basketball, as long as it’s the front office doing it and not the players on the floor? A lot of children attend basketball games. What message did the Boston Celtics send to their young fan base? That it is OK to quit, as long as the ends justify the means? That doing something that is ethically wrong is OK if there is a big payoff in the end?

Of course, the beauty of this is, there was no payoff in the end. The losers in Boston got exactly what they deseved, a kick in the crotch for unethical behavior. And yeah, the Sixers will pick 12th. But the Sixers will have something that the guys picking number five don’t: A front office and a coach who don’t pack it in when the going gets tough. A front office that, while it makes plenty of bonehead decisions, doesn’t engage in fraud (insert Sean Bradley joke here). Do you know how hard it’s going to be to train a team to try to win again, after almost a whole season of trying desperately to lose every game? Players that were told they weren’t good enough to win by trying will now have to, well, win by trying. Or will the Celtics just continue losing on purpose, embarrassing themselves, their players, and their city in the meanwhile?

Hardest questions from last week

Here’s some tough ones from last weeks quizzo. See how you do. Answers are after the jump:
1. What is the visual processing center of the mammalian brain, which contains most of the visual cortex, known as?

2. What is the only Shakespeare comedy set in England, as is evidenced by its title?

3. The Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of their Reason was opened by Quakers on 4641 Roosevelt Boulevard in 1813. What is the hospital known as now?

4. What group recorded a song called Brain Damage in 1972?

5. What is two fathoms, or twelve feet, also known as on the MIssissippi river?

6. In what 1990s film would you hear the line: It’s Ok. I wouldn’t remember me either.”

7. How many players are on a side in a game of regulation water polo, including the goalie?

8. This acclaimed actor and director appeared in Rebel Without a Cause, wrote, directed and acted in a famous 1969 film, and was nominated for an Academy Award in 1986.

9. Many people celebrate the Independence day of this European country by eating lutefisk, lefser, and aquavit.

10. What was the first James Bond film?

Continue reading “Hardest questions from last week” →

Mornin’ Thoughts

-The picture above is of Badger Tsunami. They won a couple of weeks ago at O’Neals, but I never got their photo up Until now. So, um, there it is. Badger Tsunamis are the most dangerous natural disasters of all.

–Gay flamingoes have adopted a small chick. I knew stuff like this would happen when Jerry Falwell died. I just knew it.

-Everybody is crying over illegal immigrants. Why aren’t people in an uproar about illegal employers? Interestingly, they were often fined under Clinton but are almost never fined under Bush.

-Am I the only one who feels just awful for the Celtics? I mean, they tried as hard as they could to tank basketball games last year, completely ruining the integrity of one of the proudest franchises in sports, and then they only got the fifth pick. Well, Boston, I can only say that those of use in Philly would like to express our HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!