Random thoughts at LAX

It’s 11:34 a.m. here at the Los Angeles Airport (I have no idea what the “X” means in LAX. Maybe they used to have a deal with the XFL or perhaps the airport stands on the former grounds of a sacred porn theatre). That means that it’s 2:34 p.m. in Philly. Or possibly 8:34 a.m. That’s one of those things that I have to think long and hard about each and every time the thought comes into my head, and I never feel entirely comfortable with my deduction. I mean, time zones are stupid. Just ask the Chinese, who invented friggin math! They said the hell with it and now their enormous country has only one time zone. So that for some Chinese people, breakfast is served at 6 p.m. Maybe. I only slept for an hour last night, so I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around this concept. I fact, I wish I’d never brought it up

I just ate a Wolfgang Puck pizza and followed it up with a crumb cake that was topped with chocalate chip cookie dough. Yes, I’m serious. I’m sure I’m gonna look great in a bathing suit tommorrow. The seat I’m in at this crappy cafe like area overlooks the runway. It’s incredible how man’s most remarkable triumph over nature is so incredibly ugly. Nothing but steel and cement and giant trash bins and windowless vans and grey trucks with the words “Lavatory Services” written on the side. The people on the tarmac all wear neon orange or yellow vests. If some sci-fi writer had written Tron 100 years ago, I think he would have predicted it turning out sort of like a modern day airport.

There is a couple at the table next to me who look to be in their late 60s, perhaps. It’s not even noon, and they are both sucking down a Bud Light. God Bless America. I’m gonna go get a stiff drink and then sleep on the gate floor.

Jams Win

The Jams (aka Britney Spears is Trying Hare Krishna) won for the 4th time in 5 weeks at the Vous. They racked up an impressive 110 and cruised to a 110-94 over 1022, who rallied in the 4th to pass Trust Us We Know for the silver.

Young the Old and Restless fight off Bounty

The Young the Old and the Restless cruised at O’Neals on Tuesday, and Johnny was able to keep his $25. The only big name team to make it out was the Axis of Evil Knieval. But they were no match for the juggernaut that is the YOR, who walked away with a 95-76 win.

The Deal on the Aloha State Trip

Alright, I’m leaving Sunday for two weeks. While I’m gone, Jam Master Sean will take over on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and Dark Horse John will take over on Thursdays. I am hoping to blog from Hawaii while I am there. Depends on whether I can find a cafe with wireless internet. If not, I’ll probably get Trivia “Foobooz” Art to help me out. We have beefed up security at Command Central, so any would-be renegades who want to take over this operation while I am out of town, be warned: resistance to my power will be futile.

As for my plan, well, I don’t really have one. Staying with a buddy of mine near Kona for a while, then I’ll probably get a hotel room for a few nights. Plan to fly to Oahu for a day or two and see some friends there. Am hoping to see the dolphins I used to help train, but nobody I used to work with is still employed there, so we’ll see. I do think I’m gonna go out on a boat looking for humpback whales, as it is humpback whale season, and my best buddy out there tags them for a living. Will spend a day on the other side of the island at Volcanoes National Park. Will spend another day doing drugs and snorkeling at Kealekekua. Haha! Just kidding. I won’t be doing any snorkeling. Other than that, just gonna lay on the beach all day and eat mahi mahi and drink mai tais every night. Hell yeah!

Hostile website takeover???

We have encountered a few minor glitches in the system the past few days which have us worried. Why? Because the quizzo grapevine is rife with rumors of a website takeover when I leave the state and am helpless to stop it. I probably have nothing to worry about. I mean, who could be so sinister as to take over a simple blog like this? Nope, probably just unnecessary anxiety on my part. In fact, just forget that I ever posted this. I’m quite sure things will run swimmingly here on the website when I’m gone.

What should I read on the plane?

I’m flying to Hawaii on Sunday, and as you might imagine, that is a brutally long flight. I doubt I’ll be able to pull a Ralph Fiennes, so I need some good reading materials for that full day in the sky. Anybody got any good suggestions for sky fare?

Is this the Greatest Celebrity meltdown ever?

She is shaving her head and checking in and out of rehab on a daily basis, then trying to get into her ex-husbands house to take back her children. She’s crashing the parties of complete strangers. She apparently has picked up such a vicious drug habit that rumor has it that she shaved her head to avoid drug testing. The next thing we know she’ll be riding in a white Bronco with Al Cowlings. Question is, “Is this the worst meltdown in celebrity history?” I mean, that one dude from Milli Vanilli turned a life of drugs after they got exposed, but they weren’t early as big as Britney. Mariah had a meltdown that was fun, but not nearly this awe-inspiring in scope. Of course, there was Terrell Owens, uh, every times he leaves his house. But nothing like this that I can think of. Anybody got any other good meltdowns they can think of that even compare to this one?
RELATED: MSN’s top 10 celebrity meltdowns.

JGT in today’s Metro

Hey, if you can’t get your hands on an actual paper, here’s my column in the Metro today. Its about Harry Fini, who’s been cutting hair since the Great Depression.

Thursdays with Ginger

This week, Philly’s official beer lass recovers from her illness and lists her top 10 beers.
Good News folks…My illness is in the check-out line. Very exciting… For a couple reasons…we can get back to my city slickin’ but more importantly you don’t have to read about the ever-growing tissue tower adjacent to my bed.

I know there was talk of whooping cough and avian flu, but I was eventually diagnosed with an Upper Respiratory Tract Infection. Two weeks! The hardest part of it all was I lost sense of taste and couldn’t indulge in my preferred potable. So now that I am back on the bar stool- I thought it would be a good idea to post my favorites for your viewing and hopefully drinking enjoyment
And in no specific order….

Continue reading “Thursdays with Ginger” →

Jelly Roll disses Mets; Becomes Philadelphia’s 3rd favorite athlete (behind Howard and Utley)

Aw snap. Jelly Roll (I hate J-Roll and all of those first letter of first name, first four letters of last names combos. They’re played out. But Jelly Roll is fun.) is on fire, and Phillies-Mets could honestly become a great rivalry this year. First Rollins said that we’re the team to beat. David Wright of the Mets got offended. Jimmy fired back:
After he took part in the team’s first full-squad workout, he reiterated those feelings and dismissed Wright’s concerns.

“If they needed motivation to play this game, then they’re playing the wrong game,” Rollins said. “They had a chance last year to get to the World Series. Last year’s over.”

And this is the Phillies’ year?

“I want to put that pressure on [his teammates]. And myself.”

Might that not have an adverse effect?

“If you’re afraid, then I don’t want you on this team, anyway.”

I think Jelly Roll may be my new man crush. Now come on, Gillick. Get us a reliever for Lieber and it is ON!
Fun Fact: Last year, Rollins and Utley became the first pair of middle infielders in National League history to each hit more than 25 home runs in the same season.