Things to do while you’re miserable

Well, the stupidest holiday in the history of the freaking world is almost here (Bobby Badtimes will have more on that topic tommorrow), and you’re probably wondering what to do about it, because you can’t just sit home and watch tv, b/c the tube is just going to be filled with commercials about diamonds that make you get all teary eyed and yet furious at the same time. You know what you need? Booze. Lots and lots of booze. Fortunately, there are some great booze themed events going on in the next couple of days. First of all, the PSPCA is having a Puppy Love Party tonight at the Devil’s Alley (19th and Chestnut). Tix are $35 but that pays for all your booze and hors d’ouvres. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Johnny, the last time I went to a party near Rittenhouse where I spent a flat fee for food and booze, I ended up throwing bottles at the wall and stealing artwork.” Well, gang, that won’t be happening tonight, and the proceeds go towards helping the animals. Oh, and there are supposedly going to be Philadelphia Eagle cheerleaders there. After that, you can head over to the Walnut Room (1709, uh, Walnut) to check out Wang Newton at 10 p.m., who promises to be your valentine. Now for Valentine’s Day itself. First of all, it’s going to be a Valentine’s Day Sucks Quizzo spectacular (which we will be extending all week). Johnny will be playing the saddest and worst love songs ever between rounds, and he needs your help. Please let him know what your favorite breakup songs and the worst love songs ever are and he will play them. Finally, what could be better than staring at your beer, on the verge of tears, wondering why that Eagle cheerleader wouldn’t give you her number last night, and at the same time listening to Johnny Freaking Cash live! Well, that’s impossible, because Johnny Cash is dead, but damn if David Stone doesn’t do a fine impersonation of him. And he’s gonna be rocking at Barrister’s Bar and Grille (1823 Sansom Street) starting at 10 p.m. on V-Day.