Members of whose gang were shot and killed in the St. Valentine’s Day massacre?

Reading the worst love poem ever written.

Johnny is looking to play only the saddest breakup songs and worst love songs of all time at quizzo, and he needs your help! Please submit the best of the worst you wanna hear. Every woman who plays quizzo this week will have at least one Valentine this year, as Johnny will be giving away Valentine’s to all female players (and Apollo Anton Ohno, if he shows up. What, I can’t appreciate another man’s hair?). Here’s a site with angry letters from people who hate Valentine’s day.

Well, the stupidest holiday in the history of the freaking world is almost here (Bobby Badtimes will have more on that topic tommorrow), and you’re probably wondering what to do about it, because you can’t just sit home and watch tv, b/c the tube is just going to be filled with commercials about diamonds that make you get all teary eyed and yet furious at the same time. You know what you need? Booze. Lots and lots of booze. Fortunately, there are some great booze themed events going on in the next couple of days. First of all, the PSPCA is having a Puppy Love Party tonight at the Devil’s Alley (19th and Chestnut). Tix are $35 but that pays for all your booze and hors d’ouvres. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Johnny, the last time I went to a party near Rittenhouse where I spent a flat fee for food and booze, I ended up throwing bottles at the wall and stealing artwork.” Well, gang, that won’t be happening tonight, and the proceeds go towards helping the animals. Oh, and there are supposedly going to be Philadelphia Eagle cheerleaders there. After that, you can head over to the Walnut Room (1709, uh, Walnut) to check out Wang Newton at 10 p.m., who promises to be your valentine. Now for Valentine’s Day itself. First of all, it’s going to be a Valentine’s Day Sucks Quizzo spectacular (which we will be extending all week). Johnny will be playing the saddest and worst love songs ever between rounds, and he needs your help. Please let him know what your favorite breakup songs and the worst love songs ever are and he will play them. Finally, what could be better than staring at your beer, on the verge of tears, wondering why that Eagle cheerleader wouldn’t give you her number last night, and at the same time listening to Johnny Freaking Cash live! Well, that’s impossible, because Johnny Cash is dead, but damn if David Stone doesn’t do a fine impersonation of him. And he’s gonna be rocking at Barrister’s Bar and Grille (1823 Sansom Street) starting at 10 p.m. on V-Day.

A crowd of 80 made the trek to the Franklin Institute to participate in the first ever quizzo at the Fels Planetarium, and if they had half as much fun as I did, they came away pretty pleased. The Sofa Kingdom (below), despite having to split the team up, came away with the victory at the science themed event, but it was probably the between round action that was most exciting. The wild images displayed on the roof between rounds was sweet, and having the stars on the ceiling as we did the round on Astronomy was pretty incredible. All in all, one of the funnest nights of quizzo I’ve ever hosted. I really hope to do another one there sometime. Thanks to everybody who made it out!

Hey gang, just a last reminder that you can check out a little science quizzo and some wacky special effects at the Fels Planetarium tonight at 9 p.m.. Should be a lot of fun, and again, the answer is yes, they do have a bar. If you do wanna just play quizzo, then just tell them you are there for secret cinema and you can get tix for $3, which gets you access to both quizzo and secret cinema. But my suggestion would be to pay the extra cash, since you are gonna be in there anyway, and check out the rest of the museum and Body Works. And yes, most questions will be science related, but science is a very broad term.
Related: Johnny to perform at Planetarium.

Well, the longstanding media conspiracy against Johnny Goodtimes continues, as the Philadelphia Metro lists the best places to play quizzo, and none of Johnny’s spots are included. The New Deck, however, does make an appearance, as do Roosevelt’s, Fergie’s, and Bridget Foy’s. It looks like it’s back to the drawing board for Goodtimes, who has to find some way to make his quizzo more acceptable to the mass media. There are rumblings of a Bobby Badtimes appearance in time for Valentine’s Day, so I’m sure he’ll have something to say about this. If you are disgusted by this glaring omission (I mean, seriously, Roosevelt’s?), please feel free to contact the writer, Chris Cipriano, at chris.cipriano@metro.us. And yeah, I’ll give a $15 gift certificate to the Good Dog to whoever writes the funniest letter to the editor (just cc it to johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com).

Don’t know if you saw this already, but it’s pretty funny. Steve Colbert rips West Philly, then blasts Chaka Fattah. Thanks to Stacie for sending this in.

Though my dislike for Philadelphia magazine is fairly well documented (fifth letter down), I do have to admit that I have long enjoyed the musings of one of their regular contributors. For several years, Jessica Pressler was the author of “Pressler’s Miscellany” in the Philadelphia Weekly, an irreverent column in which she made fun of Philadelphia celebrities and carried on an unhealthy obsession with Neil Stein. Pressler ruffled quite a few feathers last summer when she wrote her infamous “6th Borough” article for the New York Times. The Massachussettes native currently writes a humourous column about relationships for Philadelphia magazine, and still does some freelance work for the Times.

1. If you could have dinner with any 2 philly celebrities from the past or present, who would they be and why?
If it was like a long meal with
appetizers and dessert, I’d definitely want to hang with Lee Daniels
and Patti LaBelle. They seem like a lot of fun. I bet if you got them
like really liquored up they’d tell you all kinds of scandalous
gossip. That Lee Daniels is a mouthy little queen, and Patti’s been
around so long I’m sure she just doesn’t give a f*** what she says. I
mean that in the best possible way.

2. What musical artist or song do you have in your collection that you are a little bit ashamed of?
I guess I should be ashamed of having the
Thong Song on my I-tunes, but f*** it, I’m totally not. It’s one the
best odes to the female posterior ever written, and you can dance to
it. Whither Sisqo now? I guess when Hot in Herre came out everyone
forgot about him. Which is not really fair. When you think about it,
Sisqo was ROBBED by Nelly. ROBBED.

3. If you could be on any reality show, which one would you want to be on?
MTV’s Made, which is the best show ever. Right now they only do
teenagers but I think they should start a version for mid-twneties
career changers. I’d be like, ‘Hi, when I was a kid I wanted a career
in international relations, but somehow at 28 the closest I’ve come to
this is a newspaper story that called Philadelphia New York’s next
borough. What the f*** happened? I want to be MADE.” And then MTV
would get me some fabulous gay coach from the Carnegie Endowment that
would quiz me about sustainable development and s***. Of course, like
that model from Temple who is STILL a waitress at Coffee Shop,my
career in diplomacy probably wouldn’t really work out. But I figure
I’d have a chance at getting a spinoff series in which I would live in
a house with Richard Holbrooke and Brangelina. The White House.

4. Speaking of reality shows, you recently did an article for Philadelphia magazine about Gervase. Does he have any discernible talent, or is his greatest asset simply existing?
Gervase has sustained his career as the Survivor also-ran for SIX
years. I don’t know if talent is what he has, but he’s definitely got
that combination of savvy and shameless that is all you really need to
succeed…in Philly. He’s working it, man, and he brings home more
than you or I.

5. What’s your favorite restaurant in Philly?
The food at Amada is awesome but I’ve had really weird unfriendly
service every time I’ve been there, and they have a tendancy to play
crappy house music. Abyssinia in West Philly is my favorite place
forever, and I also have very warm feelings about Saad’s down the
street from there.

Hey gang, a couple of announcements about the quizzo at the Franklin Institute on Friday, First of all, if you only wanna play quizzo and not check out the rest of the museum, you can purchase a $3 ticket to secret cinema and play quizzo (and, of course, be able to see the movies). Also, in answer to a question a lot of you people have been asking me, YES, THEY WILL HAVE A BAR. Okay, I think that last sentence probably doubled the size of our crowd (you boozehounds!)