Great Mitch Hedberg Lines

Dunno if you guys know who Mitch Hedberg is, but he’s this hilarious comedian who died last year. I just stumbled across some of his great lines and thought I would share. Enjoy!
-Last night my friend drank 26 bottles of O’Douls… He is a non-alcoholic.
-I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
-I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
-I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.
-I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
-I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
-I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
-I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, “I’m hungry,”… so it died.
-Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
-Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
-A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps. It says to the syrup “You ain’t goin’ anywhere!”
-A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
-The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.