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No time for pleasantries. Hey Geno’s, why don’t you take your Mississippi white trash act somewhere else? “This is America, Please speak English when ordering”. Quick question: Were your ancestors speaking the King’s English when they got off the boat? I’m pretty sure mine weren’t. In fact, I think they were moving to America to get away from the kind of pretentious ignorance you so proudly display. Then again, I might be more willing to let this transgression slide if you weren’t the Ride the Ducks of cheesesteaks: loved by tourists, but you don’t see any locals waiting in line.
Hey Philadelphia Weekly: Enjoyed the irony of your latest cover story. On the one hand, hipsters do kind of suck. On the other hand, aren’t they precisely the demographic your mag targets? That’s like Johnny doing a story called, “Why I Hate Nerds”. As for me, I don’t care about hipsters. The guys don’t like sports and the girls look like angry circus clowns, so I don’t have much use for ’em.
Hey Philly Mag: Thanks for giving us more info on Gervase last issue. I was sick of such a talented Philadelphian not getting the props he so richly deserves. Way to dig deep.
Hey, Johnny, I hear you are thinking about holding Quizzo Bowl II at a Chinese restaurant. What the hell, why don’t we just have everybody order takeout and have it in your basement?
A-Rod, congrats on the MVP. I assume they stencilled in the words “Regular Season” in boldface.
Hey City Council: The Olympics? Here? In 2016? That’s priceless. I’d like to rerun something that ran in the Daily News a while back.
“The Early Bird Extravaganza Junior Olympic Girls’ Volleyball tournament . . . can set up a complete volleyball court in an hour or less with eight 14-year-old girls. But not in our Convention Center. Here, it took six union laborers two hours a court at a cost of $65 per person per hour. Because the four barrels holding down the volleyball poles are filled with water, in Philadelphia this means you involve two plumbers for two hours each to fill and place the four barrels needed for each court.”
Hmmmm, let’s run through the math. If it took 6 laborers two hours to set up a volleyball court at $65 an hour, that’s 65 x 6 x 2. That equals $780. So to set up the hundreds of Olympic courts that would be required for an entire Olympics should only be about, uh, let’s see here, you carry the four, that equals, well that is only going to cost us just a smidge more money than the War in Iraq. I say, “Let’s go for it!”
Hey Joe McCarthy: Happy Birthday, you curmudgeonly old hoot! Are me and Ann Coulter the only people who recognize what a true American patriot you were? Next week, tune in as Ann talks about what a great job Hitler did with mass transit.
Until next time. My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware My Wrath!