I will be attending the City Paper Choice Awards Party tonight, basking in the glow of my own greatness, and will therefore not make it to quizzo. However, my trusty sidekick Trivia Art will be cold rockin’ it at both the Good Dog and the Bards.

After yesterday’s disastrous news conference, Terrell Owens today announced that he had fired Drew Rosenhaus and hired a new agent, Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer. Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer, who fell into a crevasse 100,000 years ago and was thawed out in 1988, had this to say at a press conference this morning: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! The bright lights of your enormous stadiums make me want to leave my luxury suite and run off into the hills, or wherever. When I watch the game on your televisions, I wonder, ‘How did they fit all of those tiny men inside that little box?’ My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know-that the Eagles should relinquish part of the $12 million they have under the salary cap and pay my client commensurate to his prolific performance over the past ten seasons and, more importantly, his heroic performance on the gridiron in last year’s Super Bowl. I have nothing more to say.”

Just found something I did a while back and never posted. These are my favorite college sports team names ever. Yes, these are all actual sports team names. (Please list any good ones I’ve left out below.)
The University fo California Irvine Anteaters
Our Lady of the Lake University Armadillos
Blackburn College Battlin’ Beavers
The University of Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils (the women’s teams are called the Cotton Blossoms. I kid you not.)
Cal State Long Beach Dirtbags
South Dakota School of Mines Hardrockers
Tufts University Jumbos
Southwestern College Moundbuilders
Rhode Island School of Design Nads

In a story that has been kept under raps by the national media, Philadelphia quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes was one of several thousand fans at the 20th annual Punkin Chunkin in Delaware who was nearly killed by an errant pumpkin. Here Johnny tells his side of the story; a side of the story event organizers and the national press don’t want you to hear.

It is a giant cornfield, filled with enormous, colorful cannons and gigantic catapults. Various booths sell Pumpkin memorabilia, cowboy hats, and pumpkin waffles. One booth sells freedom fries. There is a mechanical bull, carnival rides, and a large stage where bands play both types of music, country and western.

Welcome to the 20th Annual Punkin Chunkin in Millsboro, Delaware, where ordinary men have an opportunity, every November, to try to become legends of the gourd tossing community and where other ordinary men, such as myself, have an opportunity to use the phrase “punkin chunkin” hundreds of times over the course of the weekend.

Continue reading “The dark side of the Punkin’ Chunkin’” →

It was the greatest question I’ve ever heard a reporter ask. Not a sports reporter. Any reporter. Ever. Ever. At TO’s press conference, one reporter asked Drew Rosenhaus, “What have you done for TO besides get him kicked off the team?” In fact, it may be the best question I’ve ever heard one human being ask another one. (According to Blinq, it was Channel Six reporter David Henry). Check out D-Mac’s running blog of the press conference and the insane letter he received about how Philly deserves a hurricane because of the way we treat TO. Quick question. Has anyone ever seen an athlete with a faster and more complete fall from grace? Palmeiro, maybe?

Sorry it’s taken me this long to get to this story, because I’m a little behind the 8-ball after being in exotic Maryland all weekend. But being a responsible blogger means covering hot lesbian sex action stories, even if you are a day late. Here are pics of the two pom-pom wielders involved in the hot lesbian sex action. The two ladies have been fired from the team, and one of them faces a felony charge for decking a woman in the bathroom who was complaining about their hot lesbian sex action. Just so you ladies out there know, it is not illegal to perform hot lesbian sex action in a bathroom stall. In fact, I hear it is highly encouraged at a variety of bars that have trivia themed nights throughout the local area. Just letting you know.

BONUS COVERAGE! Here are some grainy pics of them after being arrested (including mugshots) in a story about how Penthouse wants to hire them.

Well, if you thought that homeland security wasn’t invading your privacy, think again. And if you thought that the good news about that terrible photo of you on your driver’s license was that it couldn’t be seen by anyone else, I’ve got some bad news. You (or anybody else) can now find your license (and personal information contained on your license!) online. Go to the right side of the page and enter your name, city, and state. After your photo comes up, you can click “Remove” to remove it from the public viewing database. I highly encourage you to do so.

In what town in Sussex County, Delaware does the annual Punkin Chunkin take place?

Citing irreconcilable differences, the Nassawadox Nasties, headed by GM Johnny Goodtimes, have suspended Terrell Owens for the remainder of the fantasy season. “It was not an easy decision. Let’s face it. Deion Branch (Terrell’s backup) does not put up nearly as good fantasy numbers as Terrell,” said a weary Goodtimes. “But TO was a cancer in the fantasy locker room.” In August, TO had insinuated that Nasty quarterback Micahel Vick wasn’t a winner, and that the team would have been better off with backup Brett Favre (a theory that has been disproven by Favre’s horrible fantasy numbers the past few few weeks since he took over for Vick.) The Nasties, who are 4-5 on the season, entered the year looking unstoppable on paper, with RB’s Holmes and Barber and WR’s Owens and Moss. But the QB position has been an issue, and Moss and Holmes have been fighting injuries all year. “This really blows the big one,” added the respected General Manager, who was almost killed by a flying pumpkin on Saturday (that story coming Tuesday.)

Congratulations to Peaches, who suggested the Romans or Greeks 50-50 round that I used this week. I’ll be using more of the rounds you guys suggested in the upcoming weeks.